Marriage: Virgins vs Non-virgins

[Seng Hock]

Thus, the sins we rack up in this life must be repaid, in one form or another, and we should never envy those who "get away with their sins," because they don't. You don't know what God has in plan for the sinner. The sinner may repent, and may be forgiven, but God expects big things in return from that sinner. He expects that sinner to forgive and give back to His Neighbors around him, as much as possible.

Hey thank you for this, this is the first time I hear about this. I always thought that Christianity is unfair because the concept of karma is absent in it compared to Hinduism and Buddhism.

Now it all make sense. I have a feeling that my porn/fap addictions caused me to get jinxed and always fail in getting a woman. However this confirms that I must pay the penance for years of lust and self-abuse.

It seems to me that you are struggling with covetousness. You don't need to act out on your covetousness, the state of being covetous is sinful in itself. The devil is painting a false picture in your head, and it is causing your passion to be inflamed. Be thankful that God does not pay each of us what we deserve and trust in His will and give thanks for all of your circumstances, for nothing happens without God. The temporal things are fading away, the gift of God is forever. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Since I was a kid and until now I always use covetousness/envy as self improvement motivation. Someone is getting good grades? I must study harder and be better than him. Someone is getting good money, cars and vacations from his career? I must work harder and be richer than him, if he can do it why can't I. Someone is getting a hot girlfriend/wife? If an ape who is worse than me can get a hot woman, then of course I must beat him.

Does it mean that all these years I committed sins without knowing it?

You are blaspheming God and allowing your envy to take control of you. You're literally willing to sell your soul for sexual pleasure, and I suggest you take good moment to think about that.

So you’re going to engage in a life of fornication and sin because you feel things are unfair?

I thought that God loves sinners so much, that He gives blessings to those sinners more than to those that are loyal to Him. Hence if I commit sins God will love me even more, just like my friend who is kind of a jerk but get his virgin wife. If you can't beat them join them.

But no I have abandoned my previous plan to purposefully sin, when I made my post I was triggered by Shaquille's post before me. In fact when I went to all-night vigil I have confessed my sins of being envious and for disrespecting God and being disappointed in Him.

Back to thread topic:
When I was at university, I have a friend who is dating a girl at the same university as us. So I personally know that they are both good people who does not fornicate, drink, and smoke. After years of dating they eventually get married. They both preserve their virginity until marriage.

But two years after marriage his wife cheated on him, my friend tries to get his wife to have a talk together with a therapist or priest, but his wife always refuse. Not only that but his wife accused him of being stingy, rude, only married her for her body and money despite the reality being the opposite. My friend saved what he can from working hard and finally managed to buy a car, but when they go to work his wife gets to drive the car and he rides a motorcycle. Also his wife works a low paying job and he must do the heavy lifting in regards to household finance, but most of the time his wife overspends on trivial things and he is forced to stop the uncontrollable expense. He is also the one who paid for the flat where they live in.

Now they are separated, after only two years of marriage. He lives his life alone without his wife anymore. It seems that Scorpion and Samseau were right that being a virgin is not a guarantee that a woman will be good. In this case a good virgin woman after marriage begin to go off the rails and cheats on her husband

 

[Australia Sucks]

Hey thank you for this, this is the first time I hear about this. I always thought that Christianity is unfair because the concept of karma is absent in it compared to Hinduism and Buddhism.

Now it all make sense. I have a feeling that my porn/fap addictions caused me to get jinxed and always fail in getting a woman. However this confirms that I must pay the penance for years of lust and self-abuse.


Since I was a kid and until now I always use covetousness/envy as self improvement motivation. Someone is getting good grades? I must study harder and be better than him. Someone is getting good money, cars and vacations from his career? I must work harder and be richer than him, if he can do it why can't I. Someone is getting a hot girlfriend/wife? If an ape who is worse than me can get a hot woman, then of course I must beat him.

Does it mean that all these years I committed sins without knowing it?



I thought that God loves sinners so much, that He gives blessings to those sinners more than to those that are loyal to Him. Hence if I commit sins God will love me even more, just like my friend who is kind of a jerk but get his virgin wife. If you can't beat them join them.

But no I have abandoned my previous plan to purposefully sin, when I made my post I was triggered by Shaquille's post before me. In fact when I went to all-night vigil I have confessed my sins of being envious and for disrespecting God and being disappointed in Him.

Back to thread topic:
When I was at university, I have a friend who is dating a girl at the same university as us. So I personally know that they are both good people who does not fornicate, drink, and smoke. After years of dating they eventually get married. They both preserve their virginity until marriage.

But two years after marriage his wife cheated on him, my friend tries to get his wife to have a talk together with a therapist or priest, but his wife always refuse. Not only that but his wife accused him of being stingy, rude, only married her for her body and money despite the reality being the opposite. My friend saved what he can from working hard and finally managed to buy a car, but when they go to work his wife gets to drive the car and he rides a motorcycle. Also his wife works a low paying job and he must do the heavy lifting in regards to household finance, but most of the time his wife overspends on trivial things and he is forced to stop the uncontrollable expense. He is also the one who paid for the flat where they live in.

Now they are separated, after only two years of marriage. He lives his life alone without his wife anymore. It seems that Scorpion and Samseau were right that being a virgin is not a guarantee that a woman will be good. In this case a good virgin woman after marriage begin to go off the rails and cheats on her husband

What country is this in where your friend got cheated on?

 

[Unending Powerhouse Match]

Since I was a kid and until now I always use covetousness/envy as self improvement motivation. Someone is getting good grades? I must study harder and be better than him. Someone is getting good money, cars and vacations from his career? I must work harder and be richer than him, if he can do it why can't I. Someone is getting a hot girlfriend/wife? If an ape who is worse than me can get a hot woman, then of course I must beat him.

Does it mean that all these years I committed sins without knowing it?

Healthy competition has nothing to do with envy whatsoever. It greatly hinders your competitive spirit and desire to do better, actually.

 

[Seng Hock]

What about yourself? How is your search going for a pious and chaste woman in Indonesia?

Most of my friends get married to women who they know since their early 20's. I missed that golden chance since at that time I was a total dork, but by the time I started improving the years have already passed. Now I'm 30 years old and besides faith in God, I must get creative in finding a good woman.

I have tried looking for female friends and acquaintances who are in their late 20's or early 30's but still unmarried. But these women have something that is wrong with them. Because if they were a catch, they would have been married by now, here are some examples:

• I have a friend from high school with great body who is now 31 years old, and I got the idea to look at her social media to know if she is married yet. After taking a look I see that she still has the same great body, but she frequently colors her hair with neon colors such as orange, blue, dark green, and white. Now she even has tattoo in her forearm. I don't care how great her body is, the thought of being with someone whose hair is white like Storm from X-Men disgusts me.
• I know a woman who is very ambitious and career oriented. She is 31 years old but loves her career more than anything. She is a very attractive woman with physical traits such as tall, slim, fair skinned, and long haired. Her achievements include having a masters degree, able to speak English and Mandarin fluently, working at a high paying career, and able to play guitar and piano. But with her high standards, I think she will be a leftover woman at this rate.
• A friend of my friend who is 36 years old, she has a great body but she has a reputation of being sex-loving and willing to have sex after dating only a few times. Now she often posts pictures of herself in revealing clothes on social media, and also posting quotes like she is a strong woman who often does things herself without men.

I have also tried asking my friend to introduce me to women around my age who are unmarried yet but my friend replied "it's not that I don't want to introduce you to other women, but they have been hurt in the past and in their mind every men are all the same". So AWALT, almost all women who are still unmarried in their late 20's or early 30's are broken.

Meeting women from Orthodox churches are impossible, since in this country Orthodoxes count for only around 5000-6000 members at most, with most of them being males. Even when asked my priest said that I should not be fixated on our church, but to find women outside and bring her here.

Now I often attend Catholic church events to expand my social circles. But I feel like this is a fake move, since I don't believe in Catholic teachings but attend their events anyway to potentially meet women.

Because the leftover women are broken the obvious answer is to go after the younger women. Age gap is OK here unlike in the U.S., so it is not a problem for me to go for the early 20's women, but the problem now is what should I do to meet these women? I've asked my old university if I can be a lecturer but they required masters degree minimum to be a lecturer and I don't have masters degree yet. But on the other hand I think being a university lecturer to meet young women is a creep move. Going to a second-tier city is not that simple, since I can't be a tourist for a few days and getting to know women in that short time. At the very least I need to work on months long project on a particular city to be able to meet women.

I have thought that when in the future I do start my own business, I will use it as an instrument to find young women by purposefully hiring female employee. But I think doing things like this is kind of sleazy.

In conditions like these it is hard to think of moral and honorable way to meet good women.

So now I focused on the one thing that I can improve upon, which is myself. I regularly lift as much as I'm able to get stronger and get fit. I also have a very long way to go in developing my faith in God. When the opportunity presents itself I will be prepared to act upon it.

Lastly be careful that despite being a religious country, many women here are not virgins. The difference is women in the U.S. are honest about it, but women here pretends to be good virgins despite not being one. There is a reason why on old RVF countries like Indonesia or Philippines are known as easy countries to get laid. I have a Protestant friend who used Tinder a lot, and he often get laid with women who wears hijab. So appearance can be deceiving.

 

[GodfatherPartTwo]

Since I was a kid and until now I always use covetousness/envy as self improvement motivation. Someone is getting good grades? I must study harder and be better than him. Someone is getting good money, cars and vacations from his career? I must work harder and be richer than him, if he can do it why can't I. Someone is getting a hot girlfriend/wife? If an ape who is worse than me can get a hot woman, then of course I must beat him.

Does it mean that all these years I committed sins without knowing it?

That sounds more like pride.

 

[Seng Hock]

What country is this in where your friend got cheated on?

This happened in Indonesia. So yes a virgin woman can still turn insane at the drop of a hat.

 

[Blade Runner]

Meeting women from Orthodox churches are impossible, since in this country Orthodoxes count for only around 5000-6000 members at most, with most of them being males. Even when asked my priest said that I should not be fixated on our church, but to find women outside and bring her here.

That's a good idea. I agree, finding many within the same circles (if they are small) is limiting.

 

[Douglas Quaid]

Age gaps don't have to be a problem in the US. You just have to stop caring what normies think. Most of their lives are awful anyways, so why would their opinions matter.

Younger women and traditional Christians certainly don't care that you're older. Just be a sincere Christian man that wants a family, and make it obvious.

A man in his 30s with a woman in her early 20s is way more natural than going after the awful single women our age.

 

[GodfatherPartTwo]

traditional Christians certainly don't care that you're older. Just be a sincere Christian man that wants a family, and make it obvious.

I don't know, man. Let's say you're 40. You see a 20 year old girl at church you want to get with. I can't imagine you approaching her directly would go down too well with mommy and daddy, even if she would welcome the attention. Nor do I think you trying to get at her through her parents, the ridiculous courting way, would go over too well either.

 

[Douglas Quaid]

I don't know, man. Let's say you're 40. You see a 20 year old girl at church you want to get with. I can't imagine you approaching her directly would go down too well with mommy and daddy, even if she would welcome the attention. Nor do I think you trying to get at her through her parents, the ridiculous courting way, would go over too well either.

Yeah I can't see that situation going well. What I am talking about takes a lot of time and patience. Getting to know the Christian community, they trust you and know you're not a creep.

I'm also talking about legitimate Christians though. The kind of people that marry the first person they start dating.

Here's an example. There's a young adult Christian group where I live. At 33 I'm obviously too old to attend. But the lady that runs it invited me anyway knowing my age. I think she did that because it's obvious I take Christianity seriously, want a family and don't creep on the girls.

 

[GodfatherPartTwo]

Yeah I can't see that situation going well. What I am talking about takes a lot of time and patience. Getting to know the Christian community, they trust you and know you're not a creep.

I'm also talking about legitimate Christians though. The kind of people that marry the first person they start dating.

Even in those parameters, I've still seen it go stupid. Experienced it too. My hunch is that it has more to do with wealth. Wealth comes with age, but your average suburban church goer is not exactly hurting for wealth. The daughter can still afford to hold out for a guy closer to her age. There are still very conservative-minded people who aren't good with age gaps. It's a dumb thing to be legalistic about, but it's what it is.

Here's an example. There's a young adult Christian group where I live. At 33 I'm obviously too old to attend. But the lady that runs it invited me anyway knowing my age. I think she did that because it's obvious I take Christianity seriously, want a family and don't creep on the girls.

Hopefully it goes well for ya!

 

[Shaquilleoatmeal]

I don't know, man. Let's say you're 40. You see a 20 year old girl at church you want to get with. I can't imagine you approaching her directly would go down too well with mommy and daddy, even if she would welcome the attention. Nor do I think you trying to get at her through her parents, the ridiculous courting way, would go over too well either.

Even in those parameters, I've still seen it go stupid. Experienced it too. My hunch is that it has more to do with wealth. Wealth comes with age, but your average suburban church goer is not exactly hurting for wealth. The daughter can still afford to hold out for a guy closer to her age. There are still very conservative-minded people who aren't good with age gaps. It's a dumb thing to be legalistic about, but it's what it is.


Hopefully it goes well for ya!

I think it’s more culture. Many Christians in America are affected by normie “morality” whether they know it or not.

 

[SeekingTruth]

Most of my friends get married to women who they know since their early 20's. I missed that golden chance since at that time I was a total dork, but by the time I started improving the years have already passed. Now I'm 30 years old and besides faith in God, I must get creative in finding a good woman.

I have tried looking for female friends and acquaintances who are in their late 20's or early 30's but still unmarried. But these women have something that is wrong with them. Because if they were a catch, they would have been married by now, here are some examples:

• I have a friend from high school with great body who is now 31 years old, and I got the idea to look at her social media to know if she is married yet. After taking a look I see that she still has the same great body, but she frequently colors her hair with neon colors such as orange, blue, dark green, and white. Now she even has tattoo in her forearm. I don't care how great her body is, the thought of being with someone whose hair is white like Storm from X-Men disgusts me.
• I know a woman who is very ambitious and career oriented. She is 31 years old but loves her career more than anything. She is a very attractive woman with physical traits such as tall, slim, fair skinned, and long haired. Her achievements include having a masters degree, able to speak English and Mandarin fluently, working at a high paying career, and able to play guitar and piano. But with her high standards, I think she will be a leftover woman at this rate.
• A friend of my friend who is 36 years old, she has a great body but she has a reputation of being sex-loving and willing to have sex after dating only a few times. Now she often posts pictures of herself in revealing clothes on social media, and also posting quotes like she is a strong woman who often does things herself without men.

I have also tried asking my friend to introduce me to women around my age who are unmarried yet but my friend replied "it's not that I don't want to introduce you to other women, but they have been hurt in the past and in their mind every men are all the same". So AWALT, almost all women who are still unmarried in their late 20's or early 30's are broken.

Meeting women from Orthodox churches are impossible, since in this country Orthodoxes count for only around 5000-6000 members at most, with most of them being males. Even when asked my priest said that I should not be fixated on our church, but to find women outside and bring her here.

Now I often attend Catholic church events to expand my social circles. But I feel like this is a fake move, since I don't believe in Catholic teachings but attend their events anyway to potentially meet women.

Because the leftover women are broken the obvious answer is to go after the younger women. Age gap is OK here unlike in the U.S., so it is not a problem for me to go for the early 20's women, but the problem now is what should I do to meet these women? I've asked my old university if I can be a lecturer but they required masters degree minimum to be a lecturer and I don't have masters degree yet. But on the other hand I think being a university lecturer to meet young women is a creep move. Going to a second-tier city is not that simple, since I can't be a tourist for a few days and getting to know women in that short time. At the very least I need to work on months long project on a particular city to be able to meet women.

I have thought that when in the future I do start my own business, I will use it as an instrument to find young women by purposefully hiring female employee. But I think doing things like this is kind of sleazy.

In conditions like these it is hard to think of moral and honorable way to meet good women.

So now I focused on the one thing that I can improve upon, which is myself. I regularly lift as much as I'm able to get stronger and get fit. I also have a very long way to go in developing my faith in God. When the opportunity presents itself I will be prepared to act upon it.

Lastly be careful that despite being a religious country, many women here are not virgins. The difference is women in the U.S. are honest about it, but women here pretends to be good virgins despite not being one. There is a reason why on old RVF countries like Indonesia or Philippines are known as easy countries to get laid. I have a Protestant friend who used Tinder a lot, and he often get laid with women who wears hijab. So appearance can be deceiving.

Volunteer at a hospital, preferably an ER. I've said this before. There are still younger females in the nursing profession that are nurturers and from good families. Trust me on this one. It's a high female to male ratio and they are often bored at work.

 

[Australia Sucks]

Doraemon I don’t know your personal situation but if you are looking for a younger virgin wife (and doubly so if you are an outsider) you need to have a decent amount of money and be in good shape otherwise it’s even less likely to happen. Are you in good shape? Do you have a lot of money? You have to ask yourself why would a young virgin marry you?

 

[Seng Hock]

Volunteer at a hospital, preferably an ER. I've said this before. There are still younger females in the nursing profession that are nurturers and from good families. Trust me on this one. It's a high female to male ratio and they are often bored at work.

Thanks for the creative input, just like magoo said in another thread "be where the women are" and "you can't fish in a desert". I will have to seek ways to implement your idea, at least for me now there are another way other than joining Catholic events.

Doraemon I don’t know your personal situation but if you are looking for a younger virgin wife (and doubly so if you are an outsider) you need to have a decent amount of money and be in good shape otherwise it’s even less likely to happen. Are you in good shape? Do you have a lot of money? You have to ask yourself why would a young virgin marry you?

This is the hard truth for me, let's just say that I'm still far away to be financially and physically strong, although I'm doing my best to remedy it.

 

[Blade Runner]

I don't know, man. Let's say you're 40. You see a 20 year old girl at church you want to get with. I can't imagine you approaching her directly would go down too well with mommy and daddy, even if she would welcome the attention. Nor do I think you trying to get at her through her parents, the ridiculous courting way, would go over too well either.

From some experience with it and good guessing at vibes, I tend to agree with this as a general rule. It's the reason why, and I even argue at mid 30s, America has become so bad. I would argue even for immigrants, they'll still fall into the culture and paradigm of working and thus needing men less. Or they'll follow some type of career and their own ethnic connections, also closer in age.

 

[Blade Runner]

Hospitals can be good as Seeking Truth says, but it will be a volume and regional play, which is somewhat dependent on a few obvious factors.

 

[Unending Powerhouse Match]

Volunteering in general is indeed a good idea. Doesn't necessarily have to be a hospital. No doubt places like dog shelters are full of women. You can later put that stuff on your CV, too.

 

[Douglas Quaid]

Get a lab or golden retriever puppy

 

[Unending Powerhouse Match]

Get a lab or golden retriever puppy

Those breeds are not a good idea if you work fulltime onsite like I do, in a big city where there's just no space for them to run around freely. They just have too much energy. Dog parks are a thing, but they're full of fleas and ticks. Just get a small lapdog. Cats are great too, if you don't mind the toxoplasmosis.