Sometimes you just have to move on right?

I don't strike woman, I'll carefully spank my kids as a psychological tool if needed as my parents did if I had kids, I'll fight to the death to defend myself or anyone I love but I wouldn't strike a woman I would much rather walk away. Call me whatever you want for that I don't care, I have two sisters and if someone struck them I would be in jail for life with a smile on my face the next day.
 
FrancisK said:
I don't usually reveal this much of my personal life and I usually do my best not to show any weakness but I could use some thoughts and words from some brothers.

I'm 39 I want to get married and have kids, I don't have a problem finding girls they line them up for me from the other side at every family party. But I don't want a submissive concubine and that's pretty much all that would be, although at this point I'm probably better off going that route it seems.

I've been dating a good woman for a decent time now and we were serious in regards to marriage and children, we both wanted it. The problem is that as much as her and I are great together she would irrationally lose her mind on me over nonsensical hypocritical things. Big blowups over things that were just silly and no matter how much I reason with her she thinks it's okay to give me hell for these things, like if I had to work late on a Monday so I couldn't come over so that meant there was someone else even though I was there every day the week prior. Like being an hour late and it meant I was a liar no matter how well I explained with rationale and logic what happened and I did actually leave work when I said I did. I just couldn't reason with her.

But then eventually she would just turn it off like a switch, saying she didn't mean any of it as bad she just wants to move on and "be happy". It was maddening I could never understand it, I'm treated like a murderer defending myself to hell and back over nothing then it's just no big deal at the drop of a hat because she "wants to be happy and I'm always negative and can't be happy".

Out last fight was last night and I think I finally figured it out. She's big on the self help inspirational crap, like read all the books listen to the tapes and Google every situation and take someone else's words to heart....something I have zero interest in. So I figured out that the reason why I can never get through to her, no matter what she does or says it's no big deal and can just be done with it like nothing happened, is because in her mind everything is positive. You would think this is a good thing but it's not, let me explain.

Last night we got into it and in the course of that I told her she always accuses me of cheating. She flipped out when I told her that saying she had NEVER accused me of cheating. Mind you two weeks prior we had fought because I had to work late and she accused me of being with someone else! I called her out on this and apparently to her this wasn't accusing me of cheating, my head wanted to explode. But it all makes sense to me now, anything she says or does that is bad or cruel in her mind it wasn't actually that. In her mind it was positive and fine, everything is always positive and fine and that's just how it always has to be in her head so she'll never see any of my reasoning as to how she was treating me and was wrong for doing that to me. I don't think it makes her a bad person but I'll just never get anywhere with her, everything will always be a battle because anything she says or does will always be positive in her mind even when it's not, it's actually cruel and condescending. No reasoning or logic I will ever provide to show her that she is wrong will matter, her words and actions are always positive in her mind even when they are very obviously not. Not positive as in she's always right and I'm always wrong, positive as in her own words were just never bad....they were positive things and okay as she had taught herself to always be positive.

At this point it doesn't matter how much I love her, it doesn't matter how much I have invested....i'll never be able to reason with her there is nothing I can do but let it go and move on. I think she needs someone that just doesn't care, someone who is happy that they can just say "sorry" no matter what it was and not really care and it will be over, someone who doesn't try to make her understand so that it changes just blow it off and to her thats fine it will be positive. It just is what it is.

I don't even know why I'm typing this out, just wanted to get it off my chest....thanks brothers.
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So I dont see any major issues you guys are having here its just a couple of fights and disagreements and misunderstandings, if you guys love each other and share the same faith and values I dont think its worth breaking things off who says your next girl will be any better might even be worse, it sounds like the usual kind of arguments people go through and you already 39 like how much more dating time do you really need? If I was you I would just keep on doing your thing if you had to work a little late just tell her like you always do and dont fuss too much over her reaction or try defend yourself too much and if she accusses you of cheating and you not then just be honest and tell her you not and dont fuss too much over her reaction or try defend yourself too much, obviously try helo her understand that you not and maybe even let her check your phone if she wants, be transparent, honest and dont hide anything and if she decides she wants to leave you because you worked a little late or because she "thought" you were cheating then thats on her. I also had problems at the beginning of my marriage with working my wife complained if I worked late, too much or on public holidays and weekends, so then I started working less then she complained that we never have money, so then I started working more then she complained about me working again and this went back and forth for years like "what do you want woman"
 
OP,

A couple thoughts, forgive me if I'm missing something as it's been a little bit since I've scanned the original post.

Hysterical bipolar behavior does not get better with time. Ive been married 2x. First wife was nuts. Maybe I drew it out of her maybe not. But hard boundaries are important.

If your girlfriend is acting like a nutso, try rational discussion. Be patient and kind. But If it happens now and you're not able to come in to an agreement... Expect it to continue.

My wife now, I don't allow things to get historical with. If shes being emotional I tell her how it is and walk away. But that's rare. Most women aren't wired that way to not escalate.

That said. I'm not sure that's what's going on here... Sounds like you're not communicating well and there's some misunderstandings.

I'd be kind, patient, and reassuring and make an effort to reconcile. I bet there's a clear path to boundaries getting ironed out for both of you

Women are nuts sometimes. She could have just freaked out due to insecurities. I dunno.

Bottom line, I always err on the side of being a peace maker. After that... It takes 2 to tango.
 
Get2choppaaa said:
OP,

A couple thoughts, forgive me if I'm missing something as it's been a little bit since I've scanned the original post.

Hysterical bipolar behavior does not get better with time. Ive been married 2x. First wife was nuts. Maybe I drew it out of her maybe not. But hard boundaries are important.

If your girlfriend is acting like a nutso, try rational discussion. Be patient and kind. But If it happens now and you're not able to come in to an agreement... Expect it to continue.

My wife now, I don't allow things to get historical with. If shes being emotional I tell her how it is and walk away. But that's rare. Most women aren't wired that way to not escalate.

That said. I'm not sure that's what's going on here... Sounds like you're not communicating well and there's some misunderstandings.

I'd be kind, patient, and reassuring and make an effort to reconcile. I bet there's a clear path to boundaries getting ironed out for both of you

Women are nuts sometimes. She could have just freaked out due to insecurities. I dunno.

Bottom line, I always err on the side of being a peace maker. After that... It takes 2 to tango.
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Incredibly astute and accurate assessments brother, you nailed all of it.

Although at this point I think I have to move on, I haven't spoken with her in a few days and I plan to keep it that way so that it just fades away over time. I love her but love isn't enough, I know that. I don't want to live the way she lives and I don't want to do things the way she does them, I have tried but I can't. I have to be the one to find the middle because she can't in her life and honestly that's not right to do to myself, I know my worth and it's more than that. I hate to put it in such business like terms but I feel like I have to and she would do the same....everything is positive right?

Right now is the most trying time I've ever had in my 39 years on this planet, nothing to do with her, and I don't think she would bear it with me anyway as she seems to only want for herself....in a strange again positive way. So that will help keep me distracted, I just have to move on. I have no doubt whatsoever I will find a suitable wife that isn't the difficult part, it's just difficult that I gave a lot to this one and it wasn't worth anything at all....I take nothing from it but lost time and the resentment which that brings.


Gentlemen your words and support has been invaluable and sincerely appreciated, thank you!
 
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FrancisK said:
Incredibly astute and accurate assessments brother, you nailed all of it.

Although at this point I think I have to move on, I haven't spoken with her in a few days and I plan to keep it that way so that it just fades away over time. I love her but love isn't enough, I know that. I don't want to live the way she lives and I don't want to do things the way she does them, I have tried but I can't. I have to be the one to find the middle because she can't in her life and honestly that's not right to do to myself, I know my worth and it's more than that. I hate to put it in such business like terms but I feel like I have to and she would do the same....everything is positive right?

Right now is the most trying time I've ever had in my 39 years on this planet, nothing to do with her, and I don't think she would bear it with me anyway as she seems to only want for herself....in a strange again positive way. So that will help keep me distracted, I just have to move on. I have no doubt whatsoever I will find a suitable wife that isn't the difficult part, it's just difficult that I gave a lot to this one and it wasn't worth anything at all....I take nothing from it but lost time and the resentment which that brings.


Gentlemen your words and support has been invaluable and sincerely appreciated, thank you!
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If you havent made your mind up, and there's a chance to reconcile and some introspection that might prevent the dissolution of a solid relationship.... consider it.

After you've weighed the balance. Make a decision.

If you've made your mind up to move on... then there's no point in second guessing it.

Once you've made a decision, it is what it is.

I hate telling people to pass up on relationships if there's a chance of compatibility/opportunity. But only YOU know whats right in this situation.

Last observation, and take it for what you will.

At 39, my best friend went through the exact same thing you're talking about now as far as walking away from a potential "keeper" . It was a smart decision for him. He's 42 and is almost done with his pilots license, whilst making a good living for himself in banking and soon will be courting women via airplane dates only haha. ... For you, I have no idea to know. Whatever it is, pray about it, ask yourself if you think 5 years from now it will be different, and go from there.
 
FrancisK said:
I don't strike woman, I'll carefully spank my kids as a psychological tool if needed as my parents did if I had kids, I'll fight to the death to defend myself or anyone I love but I wouldn't strike a woman I would much rather walk away. Call me whatever you want for that I don't care, I have two sisters and if someone struck them I would be in jail for life with a smile on my face the next day.
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"By walking away the woman strikes herself"
 
Get2choppaaa said:


For the record... Never hit my wife or girl I've been with... But have absolutely slapped a drunk woman back after bring physically accosted.

Once violence gets involved by a woman... Men and women become equal as far as my book.
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Equality only suits the ones who are too weak to fight back. ;)

And this is not specifically about women.
 
FrancisK said:
I don't strike woman, I'll carefully spank my kids as a psychological tool if needed as my parents did if I had kids, I'll fight to the death to defend myself or anyone I love but I wouldn't strike a woman I would much rather walk away. Call me whatever you want for that I don't care, I have two sisters and if someone struck them I would be in jail for life with a smile on my face the next day.
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I've never had a woman physically attack me, but I feel like if that happens probably your best bet is to just cover up and take the "beating." Most women are so weak compared to most men that it's going to be far less painful than if you hit back, the police get involved, and the legal system most likely believes her side of the story. If all the bruises are on you and none on her even Clownworld would be hard pressed to accuse you of battery. I hope.

Exception if you somehow manage to piss off Miesha Tate or Brock Lesner's daughter. Then fight for your life or better, run away.

Incidentally I was listening to some guys on a liverstream last night discussing how to solve the problem of women having the right to vote. "Put their voter registrations in pickle jars" was the solution they came up with.
 
scary_robot_music said:
I've never had a woman physically attack me, but I feel like if that happens probably your best bet is to just cover up and take the "beating." Most women are so weak compared to most men that it's going to be far less painful than if you hit back, the police get involved, and the legal system most likely believes her side of the story. If all the bruises are on you and none on her even Clownworld would be hard pressed to accuse you of battery. I hope.

Exception if you somehow manage to piss off Miesha Tate or Brock Lesner's daughter. Then fight for your life or better, run away.

Incidentally I was listening to some guys on a liverstream last night discussing how to solve the problem of women having the right to vote. "Put their voter registrations in pickle jars" was the solution they came up with.
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If I'm being seriously attacked that's very different from striking a woman as some type of dominance or training tool. But yea for liability reasons if at all possible just walk away.

Pickle jars that's outstanding
 
Man, my condolences. Almost all women are crazy to a degree. I can think of a couple of exceptions but they're older and I wouldn't be surprised if they too were crazy when younger.

If we had laws and cultural norms of 70 years ago, I'd say just hunker down, don't offer up too many of your emotions to her, don't take what she says too seriously, maybe feign concern, but for your own mental health, just assume she is going to say hurtful things frequently.

Nowadays you have that same crazy person, but now they have unlimited tools from the state to attack you with, and a Jewish legal system that will help them conspire against you. There are Jewish divorce attorneys who will whisper things in the ears of women like "if you were theoretically physically threatened by him the police would have to come and remove him from the property and you would have the house to yourself." I've seen it happen.

Because of that, men need to realize pursuing marriage and children is like walking into a sort of martyrdom. Even if she seems sane, she might have a child and then get post-partum depression or psychosis, and that is extremely difficult to deal with. It's something women frequently get hospitalized with.

This isn't to scare you away from marriage, but just know the reality of it living in the States. Nobody (except hopefully your church) is on the husband's side, and she gets her family and the government. Just how it is. If you want to pursue marriage, that's a good thing, may it be blessed. I hear the Roman Catholics have good marriage counseling. More kids raised by conservative Christians is a good thing, it just requires a lot of patience to endure whatever gets thrown at you.

All that being said, my 2 year old son is just the cutest guy in the world. He's difficult but such a blessing. He started including "probably" at random points in his sentences and it's hilarious.
 
Glad to hear OP has decided to move on. At 39 I wouldn't think one would have time to waste building a relationship any more than one has time to waste building a career at the same age. The good years for building something are in the past.
 
FrancisK said:
I don't have a problem finding girls they line them up for me from the other side at every family party.
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You should probably stop looking for dates at family parties.

Donald Trump Al Smith Dinner GIF by Election 2016


But seriously, if she's already baselessly accusing you now (even just for infidelity), I don't see how that will stop. Run.

45 suggested talking to her in a quiet spot ... that may work, but if not, Run.

This is not something you want to escalate to the courts. You will lose. The police and the judges will automatically take her side. This will get expensive in terms of money and time.

Her situational memory will come back to haunt you... Your memory will be forgotten, ignored or invalidated, either by her or the authorities.

Tread carefully friend.
 
homersheineken said:
You should probably stop looking for dates at family parties.

Donald Trump Al Smith Dinner GIF by Election 2016


But seriously, if she's already baselessly accusing you now (even just for infidelity), I don't see how that will stop. Run.

45 suggested talking to her in a quiet spot ... that may work, but if not, Run.

This is not something you want to escalate to the courts. You will lose. The police and the judges will automatically take her side. This will get expensive in terms of money and time.

Her situational memory will come back to haunt you... Your memory will be forgotten, ignored or invalidated, either by her or the authorities.

Tread carefully friend.
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Haha....the other family, the other side at a wedding haha

She's not my wife the legal system has no involvement in any of it or any aspect of it, it's not that type of situation. I would agree with all your points in a different situation.
 
FrancisK said:
Haha....the other family, the other side at a wedding haha

She's not my wife the legal system has no involvement in any of it or any aspect of it, it's not that type of situation. I would agree with all your points in a different situation.
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He is saying if she goes bonkers and claims you abused her and you get charged with domestic violence.

I"ve seen that happen where an angry old lady got the fuzz called on her husband.... only to recant the tale. Unfortunately these poor blokes got their careers ruined in the military over it.

Seen that 2X.
 
FrancisK said:
Haha....the other family, the other side at a wedding haha

She's not my wife the legal system has no involvement in any of it or any aspect of it, it's not that type of situation. I would agree with all your points in a different situation.
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The fact that she is or isn't your wife is irrelevant to the legal system.

All they need is a statement from her, then it's her word (a poor crying defenseless woman) vs. yours (some tyrant abuser) - this is how it will be framed by her, the police and the judge.

As Get2choppa said, I've seen it happen; and from girls who haven't even accused of infidelity.

If you have that "talk" with her, I suggest recording it in case she gets upset, thinks the breakup is abuse and decides you should be punished for abusing her. (That's how she'll remember it. Until she forgets that happens and want to get back together with you...)
 
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