Daily Interactions With Women

[Droughtmeat]

I don’t know why I continue to entertain this fantasy of meeting women at the grocery store. Think about it: when you go to the store, you shop, pay for your items, and then leave. None of these steps are really conducive to meeting a girl. If you try chatting with a girl about something she's looking at or has in her cart, there are tons of people around, and she might feel awkward. She might even worry someone is recording the conversation. Even if you manage to talk to her, it usually ends quickly with a simple goodbye. "Gotta go....I have tons of guys my own age I can be texting on Tinder so no need to stand here in public and talk with you."

Today, I saw a guy attempt an interaction with a girl near the freezer section. First time in awhile to be honest that I've seen a man approach a woman in a store. Anyhow, he made a comment, she replied, and after a few exchanges, she politely said nice to meet you and goodbye. That's pretty much how it is unless you're really attractive. It just seems pointless now.

And as hard as it is to talk to someone in the middle of a shopping aisle, it's actually your only hope of a number exchange. I mean...are you going to follow her to the checkout? You can't chat there. Are you going to follow her to her car? She'll think you're a stalker. Meeting someone this way just doesn't work out like it does in movies. Maybe it worked once upon a time, but I've never had success meeting someone at a grocery store. It's like chasing a fairy tale that never comes true.

Valid points. I think going to the grocery with the intention of getting a number isn't really feasible. However, there is value in generally being open to talk to women while you're going about your day.

This is very hard for westerners to pull off. Latinos and some southern europeans who are constantly socially active can do this naturally with little effort because of the habits they've built up.

I personally struggle massively with that. A particular instance in a subway a few years ago comes to mind: I was on my way to the gym, mentally focused on the sets and reps. Meanwhile a girl about 5 meters away from me was eyeballing me the entire time. The other passengers noticed. Of course, I played it off with the "now isn't the time" excuse and tried my best to ignore her and the other passengers. I have many other examples where I was simply "caught off guard" aka didn't have the testicular fortitude to say something.

Anyway, moral of the story is that opportunities will present themselves, if you take care of your hygiene, stay healthy etc. Those opportunities could be at the store, park, bus stop etc. But if you say "oh now is a bad time" (like me) or generally seize to believe that it can actually happen to you, you won't succeed. And I know it sounds so cliché, but that's simply how it is.

 

[Douglas Quaid]

The best way to meet women and people in general is to find a church you like and get involved. Serve, join a community group, play sports with them, go to Bible studies.

 

[Lawrence87]

The best way to meet women and people in general is to find a church you like and get involved. Serve, join a community group, play sports with them, go to Bible studies.

I can vouch for this. You have way better odds of meeting a good woman in church and its totally fine and socially acceptable to talk to them.

I have met a very good woman in exactly this way, and things are going great.

 

[FrancisK]

I think that young women these days very rarely get approached because guys prefer the dating app route or just watch porn, simp online, and don't interact with real women.

I am not a condifent and charismatic guy by any stretch. In fact I'm quite shy, but I will go and talk to a woman I find attractive if the situation seems appropriate. Generally the reaction seems to be that they perceive me to be way more confident than I actually feel, and I think thats because these days people just don't do it. Shoot your shot brothers, it might go down better than you think.

You're dead on with that, they don't know how to socialize anymore so when you do it gets a crazy wide range of reactions. Anywhere from exuberance to just flat out fear.....

 

[Wutang]

Cold approach is just going to have low ROI in general. Even back when the PUA thing was in full swing I recall people would say that if you were able to "close" 10% of the women you approached then you would be considered to be extremely successful. This was also back before cell phones and when young women weren't as socially undeveloped as young women these days are so you can only imagine how much worse the ROI is going to be now.

 

[analyst_green]

Valid points. I think going to the grocery with the intention of getting a number isn't really feasible. However, there is value in generally being open to talk to women while you're going about your day.

This is very hard for westerners to pull off. Latinos and some southern europeans who are constantly socially active can do this naturally with little effort because of the habits they've built up.

I personally struggle massively with that. A particular instance in a subway a few years ago comes to mind: I was on my way to the gym, mentally focused on the sets and reps. Meanwhile a girl about 5 meters away from me was eyeballing me the entire time. The other passengers noticed. Of course, I played it off with the "now isn't the time" excuse and tried my best to ignore her and the other passengers. I have many other examples where I was simply "caught off guard" aka didn't have the testicular fortitude to say something.

Anyway, moral of the story is that opportunities will present themselves, if you take care of your hygiene, stay healthy etc. Those opportunities could be at the store, park, bus stop etc. But if you say "oh now is a bad time" (like me) or generally seize to believe that it can actually happen to you, you won't succeed. And I know it sounds so cliché, but that's simply how it is.

Yes, southern Europeans are much more likely to do this in their day to day life. That is why the women there are reputed to be much more "difficult" than in the north, as they have their shields up. I've occasionally seen guys casually start chatting girls up in Croatia, Italy, Spain, etc. But rarely in the north unless it involves drinking or he's some PUA type figure.

I also struggle with social interaction but once I get talking it's all downhill and you realize there's nothing to fear. It helps if you've been prayerful and chaste beforehand. It took me a long time to understand the parable of the talents, when Jesus says,

For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath (Matthew 25:29).

Now I'm finally starting to get it.

 

[Australia Sucks]

Cold approach is just going to have low ROI in general. Even back when the PUA thing was in full swing I recall people would say that if you were able to "close" 10% of the women you approached then you would be considered to be extremely successful. This was also back before cell phones and when young women weren't as socially undeveloped as young women these days are so you can only imagine how much worse the ROI is going to be now.

Yes ROI from cold approach is bad in general and much worse than the pre social media era. But for most guys who are not in the top 20% of looks ROI on dating apps is basically zero and not everybody has a big enough social circle for it to be a viable option for them. Cold approach is just one tool in the toolkit and you shouldn't become solely reliant on it but it is an important tool nevertheless.

 

[vasalatlaning]

I might be late to the party but today's discussion on this thread can be wrapped up with RooshV's (sinful) books, which I'm sure heritage members are familiar with. Most information in there still holds true, you're just not looking for fornication but rather for an actual life partner, and if we're talking about approaching women at the grocery store, there's no big difference in the first approach.

I think Lawrence87 is pretty much on point in saying that it automatically elevates you from the average guy, because people just don't do it anymore and many lack the most basic social skills. Your success rate of course will vary enormously depending on all sorts of things, but then again, we can debate whether we should interfere with God's will and look for a potential wife ourselves rather than waiting for God's plan for our life to reveal itself. It's also up for debate to what extent the two things are different from each other.

As Droughtmeat pointed out it's mostly about being talkative and outgoing rather than hunting for numbers, which as a Christian you shouldn't be doing in the first place because it might lead to sin.

To wrap it up I don't really reject RooshV's ideas about "approaching women", you need to insert his ideas in the appropriate context and have the spiritual weapons to ward off sinful thoughts. I remember someone mentioned in some other thread that the whole idea of "game" is not dead, you do need this type of skills when dealing with your (potential) wife.

 

[analyst_green]

we can debate whether we should interfere with God's will and look for a potential wife ourselves rather than waiting for God's plan for our life to reveal itself. It's also up for debate to what extent the two things are different from each other.

As Droughtmeat pointed out it's mostly about being talkative and outgoing rather than hunting for numbers, which as a Christian you shouldn't be doing in the first place because it might lead to sin.

God may present opportunities you to meet the right woman, particularly if you have a prayerful and obedient disposition. And these opportunities may come in synergy with your own search. Regardless, it is still up to you to take action in any case

On the one hand, the Church fathers generally say that we should avoid contact with women except our wives as much as possible. This is to avoid falling to lust and still has merit today. But also, we don't have the benefit of arranged or semi-arranged marriages through family and social circles that men back then did. And so for the modern Christian man, he may not be able to find a wife unless he is actively seeking and talking to many women.

 

[easy_c]

Attractive younger women usually either have a boyfriend who is paying for at least some of her expenses or her daddy is paying for some of her expenses or she is monetizing her looks (only fans, sugar babying, escorting, instagram influencer, youtube influencer, twitter influencer, etc) or she is living beyond her means and racking up credit card debt. Rarely is it the case that a woman in her 20s has a good job and can afford to pay for all the fancy clothes, salon visits and organic food etc by herself from working a corporate job.

I was going to comment on that

The other aspect is that, at least anecdotally, I've noticed a correlation between a certain type of "hot" (not all beautiful women, just one specific type) and having well off parents. A lot of the time they're one of only one or two kids and will be "Daddy's little princess" (bit of experience there).

 

[Australia Sucks]

Also just in regards to meeting women in supermarkets in my experience the situation which has the most chance of success in a supermarket setting is if you get lucky and happen to be in a long checkout queue and there is an attractive woman behind you and then you can turn around and talk to her while you are both waiting in the queue. Of course this is just a situation that can occur by chance if you are lucky its generally not something you can manufacture.

 

[Australia Sucks]

think Lawrence87 is pretty much on point in saying that it automatically elevates you from the average guy, because people just don't do it anymore and many lack the most basic social skills.

What you say is true, but the flipside of this is that most younger women nowadays especially in the anglo-sphere do not have the social skills to carry on a live conversation with a stranger or feel uncomfortable doing so and because it takes two tango no matter how good your game is you will flop with this kind of woman because the conversation will become too one sided.

 

[Maddox]

What you say is true, but the flipside of this is that most younger women nowadays especially in the anglo-sphere do not have the social skills to carry on a live conversation with a stranger or feel uncomfortable doing so and because it takes two tango no matter how good your game is you will flop with this kind of woman because the conversation will become too one sided.

Yeah, I've noticed that most women will even have problems making eye contact with you in public places. For instance, if they are walking their dog, they will answer your questions or respond to your statements as they stare at their dog the entire time.

 

[Droughtmeat]

What you say is true, but the flipside of this is that most younger women nowadays especially in the anglo-sphere do not have the social skills to carry on a live conversation with a stranger or feel uncomfortable doing so and because it takes two tango no matter how good your game is you will flop with this kind of woman because the conversation will become too one sided.

While what you're saying is true, I think it's also important to take into account that the majority of women won't find you, me or any given man attractive. Similar to how a heterosexual male will kill any potential conversation with a homosexual, women also have techniques to shut things down ASAP, especially given that male-female friendships aren't really a thing in the anglosphere. Therefore, there's "no need" for us to interact, unless there's legitimate attraction there.

Guys who are "good with women" are usually able to pick up certain things, for example regarding the woman's behaviour, clothing, something that just happened and they both saw, her dog, something strange or funny about themselves (the guy). Then they'll use that keep a conversation going that the woman actually enjoys. Some will call it being funny, I call it being able to pick up details and have a fun conversation with the woman. It's also the reason why comedians or guys who are good at improv will rarely complain about women not wanting to talk to them.

That said, I've seen witty guys in great physical shape with 7 figure bank accounts get the "oh, this dude is creepy, let's get out of here, Becky" treatment by American girls. So I'm not denying it's rough out there in the anglosphere.

 

[Wutang]

While what you're saying is true, I think it's also important to take into account that the majority of women won't find you, me or any given man attractive. Similar to how a heterosexual male will kill any potential conversation with a homosexual, women also have techniques to shut things down ASAP, especially given that male-female friendships aren't really a thing in the anglosphere. Therefore, there's "no need" for us to interact, unless there's legitimate attraction there.

The classic PUA term for this is the "bitch shield". Most guys can't really relate to women putting up these shields since they aren't used to being regularly approached unless they are in the top 10% of attractiveness and think these women are being unnecessarily rude. I can sympathize a bit, not because I'm a top 10% men that gets regularly approached by women but because I work in tech so I'm constantly getting bombarded with spam calls from Indian recruiters.

There's been days where I'll get 15+ calls a day and a bunch of e-mails on top of that with some recruiters actually calling me more than 3 times a row after not getting the hint that I'm intentionally not picking up the phone because they are the 5th person to have called me in the past hour. Now imagine instead these recruiters were instead sexually propositioning me. I can imagine why a lot of women would get wary of this. My response to this has been to keep my phone on silent and on the occasion that I actually do pick up the phone, I give very short and curt answers.