Daily Interactions With Women

δούλος του Χριστού said:
It's definitely not a bad thing, but it would be a mistake to pick your future wife solely or foremost based on that aspect. Look for a woman who loves Christ more than you, who turns you on in a spiritual sense, and who you are also very physically attracted to, in that order. Consider the last point optional, if need be. If you follow that formula and trust in God your lives together will be blessed regardless of her (or your) appearance or physical attributes.

In order to do that I suggest to be as honest and upfront with women as possible. Take your time to screen them carefully and specifically look for a woman who wants to walk the path of Christ with you and make sure she understands what that actually means. Lead with something like "Hi I'm Douglas. I'm an Orthodox Christian and here's what I believe and want out of life. I'm looking for my future wife to walk with Christ and start a family, etc". The right woman will absolutely respond to that kind of approach, and the wrong ones will run away screaming which is actually doing you a favor.
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My feeling is that the only godly women remaining that are generally physically attractive are young women, and the culture is not very well set up for a man with a big age gap to be taking stabs, but perhaps it's a type of paranoia for a local community. I think the issue is one of smooth and proper meeting of men and women. Otherwise it just seems like you are doing PUA stuff at coffee hour, which is a funny thing to think about.

One other curious thing is that the small number of women you'll actually see in church are basically 16-18, or maybe commuting college girls that still live at home. There just aren't very many, and/or there are tons of young men all around. I think I told the anecdote of giving a ride to a 24 year old girl (roughly let's say that was her age), which I think indirectly was a solid the priest was trying to do for me, and when the girl showed up at coffee hour she got bummed rushed by 3 guys at least (she was a 6, but mid 20s). I played it cool and talked to her a bit, then when we spoke on the way home she acted like conservative priests were unpalatable (it was some gay or feminist idea, I recall). I was late 30s. She thanked me for the ride, though, and acted like she might hit me up for a ride again some time. I never heard from her again. lol

Want another funny one I've told? A priest's daughter asked me when I met her one time, I must have been mid to late 20s (she was similar), if I was "anti-gay". A lot of the circumstances of women I've met over the years showed me that the culture had WAY more influence on them then anything they were supposed to have learned in church, from the parents, etc. Many thing their point of view, or politics in general, matter. It's amazing how stupid the general population is regarding how smart or meaningful their takes are.
 
Douglas Quaid said:
This is probably a weird question, but I'm curious what people think about level of attractiveness to a woman. I'm starting to meet and get to know some women that go to church. While all of them are attractive and have green flags, some I'm much more attracted to than others. Like I'm an 18 year old boy again and start getting a boner while I'm talking to them. I don't know if this is bad since it would cause me to not think clearly in the future. Or if this is really good since I'd want to plant that seed like a madman down the line. I didn't know how else to word this so just being as blunt as possible.
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Remember that a lot of attraction is actually based on nonverbal behaviors and not discrete physical traits that our culture deems attractive. Maybe it is her femininity, her delicateness. Many other examples. Definitely listen to this since it also helps with long term bonding.
 
Blade Runner said:
Want another funny one I've told? A priest's daughter asked me when I met her one time, I must have been mid to late 20s (she was similar), if I was "anti-gay". A lot of the circumstances of women I've met over the years showed me that the culture had WAY more influence on them then anything they were supposed to have learned in church, from the parents, etc. Many thing their point of view, or politics in general, matter. It's amazing how stupid the general population is regarding how smart or meaningful their takes are.
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Every situation is different but I wouldn't rule out a woman who otherwise fits the bill if she has some feminist or liberal or let's say "pro gay" kinds of opinions or attitudes. As long as she herself is feminine, seeks Christ above all else, and is willing to follow you and be faithful, those problematic opinions can and will be smoothed out over time.

If you properly orient the relationship around Christ and the Church she will naturally follow and become more submissive towards you and will tend to adopt more reasonable opinions and world view. However it's also important to remember a woman is not a dude on the Internet and it's best not to discuss or argue with her about politics.

I'm trying to be delicate about how I'm phrasing this because it's not that women aren't intelligent or capable in many ways, but a proper masculine/feminine Orthodox Christian relationship arguably should not involve you sharing a lot of negative political information, talking about war, etc.

Instead, talk to her about nice wholesome family Christian things and shield her from all that garbage and save it for the men. This is just my 2 cents based on personal experiences.
 
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δούλος του Χριστού said:
Every situation is different but I wouldn't rule out a woman who otherwise fits the bill if she has some feminist or liberal or let's say "pro gay" kinds of opinions or attitudes. As long as she herself is feminine, seeks Christ above all else, and is willing to follow you and be faithful, those problematic opinions can and will be smoothed out over time.

If you properly orient the relationship around Christ and the Church she will naturally follow and become more submissive towards you and will tend to adopt more reasonable opinions and world view. However it's also important to remember a woman is not a dude on the Internet and it's best not to discuss or argue with her about politics.

I'm trying to be delicate about how I'm phrasing this because it's not that women aren't intelligent or capable in many ways, but a proper masculine/feminine Orthodox Christian relationship arguably should not involve you sharing a lot of negative political information, talking about war, etc.

Instead, talk to her about nice wholesome family Christian things and shield her from all that garbage and save it for the men. This is just my 2 cents based on personal experiences.
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I think this is the negative side of connections that are rare and via long distance, especially if you are Orthodox. Women and men alike will judge to a certain degree on photos, and not all photos are good beyond the fact that they don't capture a person, really. What's more, a lot of the women these days aren't even aware that the appearance of a man is even less important to them than they think.
 
δούλος του Χριστού said:
Every situation is different but I wouldn't rule out a woman who otherwise fits the bill if she has some feminist or liberal or let's say "pro gay" kinds of opinions or attitudes. As long as she herself is feminine, seeks Christ above all else, and is willing to follow you and be faithful, those problematic opinions can and will be smoothed out over time.

If you properly orient the relationship around Christ and the Church she will naturally follow and become more submissive towards you and will tend to adopt more reasonable opinions and world view. However it's also important to remember a woman is not a dude on the Internet and it's best not to discuss or argue with her about politics.

I'm trying to be delicate about how I'm phrasing this because it's not that women aren't intelligent or capable in many ways, but a proper masculine/feminine Orthodox Christian relationship arguably should not involve you sharing a lot of negative political information, talking about war, etc.

Instead, talk to her about nice wholesome family Christian things and shield her from all that garbage and save it for the men. This is just my 2 cents based on personal experiences.
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I agree with you but your advice only goes so far. All too often women would bring up politics to me, asking my stance on certain issues, and I would inevitably give the "wrong" answer. There's no point in arguing, however, there's no way to hide one's views either. It's best just to tell what you think and not push any further, but that can be very difficult nowadays because women will immediately dump a man who gives the wrong answer.

It's tempting to just lie and say whatever needs to be said to keep her approval, but that is just a short-term fix and will destroy the relationship down the road. Far better to avoid these women, which is the majority, by telling your views upfront once they ask.

Good women don't talk politics, but those are far and few between. Politics always is brought up at some point by the girl in my experience.

The only real answer is to go through a high-volume of women until you get a decent girl.
 
δούλος του Χριστού said:
Every situation is different but I wouldn't rule out a woman who otherwise fits the bill if she has some feminist or liberal or let's say "pro gay" kinds of opinions or attitudes. As long as she herself is feminine, seeks Christ above all else, and is willing to follow you and be faithful, those problematic opinions can and will be smoothed out over time.

If you properly orient the relationship around Christ and the Church she will naturally follow and become more submissive towards you and will tend to adopt more reasonable opinions and world view. However it's also important to remember a woman is not a dude on the Internet and it's best not to discuss or argue with her about politics.

I'm trying to be delicate about how I'm phrasing this because it's not that women aren't intelligent or capable in many ways, but a proper masculine/feminine Orthodox Christian relationship arguably should not involve you sharing a lot of negative political information, talking about war, etc.

Instead, talk to her about nice wholesome family Christian things and shield her from all that garbage and save it for the men. This is just my 2 cents based on personal experiences.
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My wife never talked politics. Not once. She just doesn't care. But when I told her about feminism once she was a little taken back at first because she saw it as a good thing. But not in the way all of us think (which is sort of the political capture of the word). She just thought it meant being a good woman. The innocence is what attracted me to her.
She also had a couple old friends that were gay but not because she approves of their lifestyle but she genuinely felt bad for their situation. The men were so conflicted and saddened by their lives. She never once followed that gay flag bs.
So I think you just have to be careful because women fall on a wide spectrum and it's not as straight forward as all the media would make you think.
 
Samseau said:
I agree with you but your advice only goes so far. All too often women would bring up politics to me, asking my stance on certain issues, and I would inevitably give the "wrong" answer. There's no point in arguing, however, there's no way to hide one's views either. It's best just to tell what you think and not push any further, but that can be very difficult nowadays because women will immediately dump a man who gives the wrong answer.

It's tempting to just lie and say whatever needs to be said to keep her approval, but that is just a short-term fix and will destroy the relationship down the road. Far better to avoid these women, which is the majority, by telling your views upfront once they ask.

Good women don't talk politics, but those are far and few between. Politics always is brought up at some point by the girl in my experience.

The only real answer is to go through a high-volume of women until you get a decent girl.
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You can find a woman who will agree with you on abortion, the gay stuff, Israel, etc. However most of us here don't think women should vote or hold political office. I'm afraid if I say this, there will be practically none left.
 
Samseau said:
I agree with you but your advice only goes so far. All too often women would bring up politics to me, asking my stance on certain issues, and I would inevitably give the "wrong" answer. There's no point in arguing, however, there's no way to hide one's views either. It's best just to tell what you think and not push any further, but that can be very difficult nowadays because women will immediately dump a man who gives the wrong answer.
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These are the anecdotes that I brought up, and it could have helped the girl in ways I can't classify, since the girls weren't smoke shows. They could have been marriageable. The two stories I mentioned were both "Orthodox" though! It was brought to my doorstep and I just stated the Orthodox/sane position. Women's hysteria and thought largely runs the society these days. There's some much confusion there's really no point in debating it, especially when you get beyond age 35.
 
analyst_green said:
You can find a woman who will agree with you on abortion, the gay stuff, Israel, etc. However most of us here don't think women should vote or hold political office. I'm afraid if I say this, there will be practically none left.
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Women will inevitably have dumb takes on politics. That's why they shouldn't vote. Its also why men shouldn't discuss politics with them and just ignore their stupid views.

In general I think people lean too heavily on politics and political opinions. For a man I think its good to have discernment and principles when it comes to politics. But both men and women these days are too fixated on politics. But really I don't even see why it would be necessary to tell a woman that you don't think women should vote as a part of courting her or discerning whether you should court her. If she disagrees so what? I guarantee she also has hundreds of other nonsense opinions. She's a woman.
 
A woman who has strong political opinions, even if they match with yours is also more likely to be more disagreeable and have more of a personality type that's been going to lead to a lot more clashes when you are around her. I can see how this is going to lead to some issues if you are around her constantly, such as if you are married to her. That's why I would prefer for a potential wife to be apolitical.
 
I contacted a matchmaker today just to see what they could offer me.

The lady asked me my preferences, and I told her my list of must-haves: feminine, younger than 40, and no tattoos. She said that she only matched men up to 8 years younger but that she had a 46-year-old I might like, and it would only cost me $10k to sign up so I could meet her.

Instead of wasting that kind of dough on some old broad with wrinkly skin, tats, and an attitude, I thought...why not take that money and buy a plane ticket to Southeast Asia to find a college-aged girl who likes older men for the price of $0. That sounds like a much better plan to me.
 
Maddox said:
I contacted a matchmaker today just to see what they could offer me.

The lady asked me my preferences, and I told her my list of must-haves: feminine, younger than 40, and no tattoos. She said that she only matched men up to 8 years younger but that she had a 46-year-old I might like, and it would only cost me $10k to sign up so I could meet her.

Instead of wasting that kind of dough on some old broad with wrinkly skin, tats, and an attitude, I thought...why not take that money and buy a plane ticket to Southeast Asia to find a college-aged girl who likes older men for the price of $0. That sounds like a much better plan to me.
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I hope this is a joke. That's mind blowing that any man thinks they would need to pay money in order to date a 46 year old.
The matchmaker should be paying you to take one for the team.
 
Maddox said:
She said that she only matched men up to 8 years younger but that she had a 46-year-old I might like, and it would only cost me $10k to sign up so I could meet her.
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There's no supply. Here's the paradox, and I overheard someone talking about a matchmaker the other day: Any remotely successful guy is not finding a woman in the US who is good looking unless there is some real, particular and finicky reason why she's still available (strict family and religious community are all I can think of). And even then the math and biology ends basically at 32. The person I overheard was talking about someone not having sex until some minimum number of dates, and it sounded double digits. Again, I'm not promoting things here, but if you're old you almost have to have a guy who is 15-20 years older than you to not only care about you but put up with that, because anyone of means or anywhere near your (old) age isn't going on "dates" to just have a friend that, let's face it, can't be that fun to talk to. I don't understand where people get this shit from. You have 2 chances on companionship, and the first one is family, if you are a woman: somewhere in your 20s or then somewhere in your 40s-60s with a guy closer to 60. Every other man that is remotely desirable ain't bothering with you.

Did this woman say she was matching men with women OLDER than him? :LOL:
 
There's one more odd thing with this. There are a number of highly visible media or celebrity types that will marry or date women, guy age in the 40s and she in 20s, guy in mid 50s to 60 and she 32, guy 65 and she late 30s (Dana Perino did that, the Fox news woman and former press aid). Do they just think those guys are "joking"? That they are "special" and get a pass? Why is it so hard to believe that for the history of man, all men want 20-somethings, but if they are older and can't get those, 30s might be OK. I know the answer, but the (lack of ) humility is amazing, and the denial of reality just begs the question of if you can ever really rate to these irrational beings.
 
Blade Runner said:
There's one more odd thing with this. There are a number of highly visible media or celebrity types that will marry or date women, guy age in the 40s and she in 20s, guy in mid 50s to 60 and she 32, guy 65 and she late 30s (Dana Perino did that, the Fox news woman and former press aid). Do they just think those guys are "joking"? That they are "special" and get a pass? Why is it so hard to believe that for the history of man, all men want 20-somethings, but if they are older and can't get those, 30s might be OK. I know the answer, but the (lack of ) humility is amazing, and the denial of reality just begs the question of if you can ever really rate to these irrational beings.
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These matchmakers don't ever seem to ask about wealth either as a possible route for finding me what I asked for. When I said I wanted a younger woman, I was never asked if I had money. Maybe I'm a millionaire. If so, it would be quite easy for her to go find me a golddigger who's looking to marry a wealthy guy.

But even if I'm just making 100k-150k. You're telling me you can't find me a poor woman in her 30s who would appreciate the security of an older man who can support her, especially if she's a single mother. Get off your fat touche and go find me some good-looking Mexican chick in the ghetto who fits that description. I'm sure these matchmakers could make that happen but they don't want to deal with it. And maybe it's because they don't want to do the work. Or maybe because they are categorically against the idea of these types of relationships.
 
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