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Whore addiction
- Thread starter Recovering
- Start date
Bro, do what's best for your soul. Many of us can relate to these kind of struggles. I know it isn't easy to open yourself to this kind of scrutiny, especially from strangers on the internet.
I think it's best to be a hardass when giving advice about dangerous women. It's what works best for me at least. A lot of men get too addicted to the sex and can't think straight. Soft advice can lead to weak decisions.
Good luck and stay strong Recovering.
Good luck and stay strong Recovering.
OP... Wish you the best.
You should be listening to your priest all along. I've stated that many times.
You want to bake your cake and to eat it too.
You didn't read what I said. There is a difference between blocking and deleting...and 'no contact' does not mean "no options to contact".
I suspect you don't like my advice because it's direct and solves your problems. I'm sorry for the delivery but it's accurate.
Veil Glück!
And this is why one must be gentle with addicts if you want to save them. If you push too hard, their pride and ego flares up, and then demons take them back away.
I pray he comes back, but Chopper you've learned a valuable lesson about trying to use military tactics on those who are suffering from addiction, which is a form of demonic possession. The demon has a grip on their soul, so if you try and force that person to unseat the demon, then the demon can easily just make that person hate you.
Remember, the goal of every Christian is to save, not judge. There's no point in judging those who can still be saved. Judgement comes to us all, it's a fact of life, thus there is no point in being harsh on sinners who are still living since they can still be saved.
As a general rule, being gentle works better with women too, since most of them suffer from addictions of one kind or another without realizing it.
I don't think I used military tactics at all.
Merely directly stating the actions that will ultimately need to be taken to solve the problem.
Others can provide the TLC. OP is or isn't going to listen regardless of the delivery style.
OP asks for support.
We offer support.
OP backslides,
We support and provide solutions
OP makes new decisions, follows initial advice.
OP encouraged to make hard commitments and gets upset.
OP defers to priest like he should have from begining.
Nothing we are going to do is going to change OPs approach or actions. It's fool hardy to think so.
I'm not convinced that the OP is deferring to a priest. I can't imagine the priest saying anything other than what we've already been saying all along. If the OP finds us too "controlling," how much less likely is he to submit to a priest?
The OP doth protest too much, methinks. He is in love with his sin and not willing to make war with it. It's always uncomfortable to be confronted where that is true of you as well.
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
"A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways."
The OP doth protest too much, methinks. He is in love with his sin and not willing to make war with it. It's always uncomfortable to be confronted where that is true of you as well.
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
"A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways."
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The OP reacted in almost an identical fashion to someone on RVF. He wasn't sleeping with a stripper but had a wild Jewish girlfriend. He wanted to get closer to God but said trying monk mode traumatized him. He seemed to enjoy spending time with her yet felt she wasn't wife material, so he was deeply conflicted. He rage quit because he got fed up with someone's advice, then got banned.
I hope @Recovering comes back.
I hope @Recovering comes back.
Chopper, these statements are forceful to the addict - even though you are completely correct in stating them. Telling them to listen, and to obey, is a bad move that only serves to make the addict defensive.
Being correct is not enough to save the addict. Being gentle, patient, and understanding, as they work through their addiction over years, even decades, is the only way. You must expect them to fail, and be ready to catch them when they do so. It takes true Love to save the addict.
It's not easy, and I'm not criticizing you in particular. I always figured Recovery would have a low odds of success, as is the case in most addictions. But this thread was not about Recovery, believe it or not. It's about the men on this forum.
If saving the whore only had a 1% chance of success, then saving Recovery was only at 10%. However, I understood these things and instead let the thread continue to save the men on this forum, because now you guys will understand what it takes to love someone in the most difficult of circumstances.
What you guys did with Recovery failed. Doesn't matter if your advice was "right." A fail is a fail, a soul lost for Christ is a soul gained for Satan. That is the only measurement that matters.
But because you've had practice here, you'll be able to take this knowledge forward, both here and in the real world, and be much more effective. And by doing right by God, and loving the least of God's children - even those who do not deserve it, such as the addicts on the street - you will be directly loving God.
For truly, none of us deserved God's mercy and grace, and yet it gave it to us anyways. Likewise, the faithful Christian is called to do the same, if we are to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
I haven’t been privy to this thread, but reading through some posts, I agree much of the advice and tone was poor.
It seems like you had a fellow who was struggling looking for additional counseling outside of his priest and church community. He made good progress, slipped up, and then certain members piled up on him with an extremely poor approach. Clearly, several
of you have no idea how to deal with addicts or traumatized people.
Some of the theological assumptions were bad too. Do you seriously believe his priest would approach things like some of you guys did? Thank God some of you are not priests. A member of your parish slips up, you tell them to just stop sinning like it’s so easy. Ridiculous.
Here’s a video which describes situations where one constantly sins.
It seems like you had a fellow who was struggling looking for additional counseling outside of his priest and church community. He made good progress, slipped up, and then certain members piled up on him with an extremely poor approach. Clearly, several
of you have no idea how to deal with addicts or traumatized people.
Some of the theological assumptions were bad too. Do you seriously believe his priest would approach things like some of you guys did? Thank God some of you are not priests. A member of your parish slips up, you tell them to just stop sinning like it’s so easy. Ridiculous.
Here’s a video which describes situations where one constantly sins.
I see things differently.
Overall, I'm proud of the way that the forum delivered it's message. It can be tempting to soften the message or even compromise in order to "win" the sinner over. But what you win them with is what you win them to. The forum didn't do this.
The Word of God does two things: it hardens the reprobate but it softens the sheep. In this case, a hardening.
It's not our job to change the Word so as to eliminate the hardening, it's our job to present the Word as it is. And yes, this does include gentleness.
Edit: OP already rejected our softer, more graceful suggestion of bringing the broad to church. But when it came time to follow through with chopper's more hardline approach of cutting all contact for good, he rejected that as well. He is without excuse.
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Not anymore, it's not. Weed has gone through genetic modification, and these days it has an absolutely unreal amount of THC to the point where it often drives people insane. Literally gives people psychosis and schizophrenia. Not in rare edge cases either, I've seen what it does to people.
Andrew Anglin was a drug user in his youth and he has written about this, he says to stay the hell away from weed today, and that it sends people to the looney bin. It's not the light recreational drug it once was. And even back then, it was degeneracy nonetheless.
Weed is disgusting. It lobotomizes people. Stoners are insufferable. I don't understand how you as a Christian could say that it's "no worse than booze" with a straight face. Weed is pharmakeia and booze is not.
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Being completely sober is the way to go. I had to stop from my own poor decisions, but even people that don't abuse alcohol and marijuana should try being completely sober. The confidence and contentment is life changing. Same for ignoring whores.
What makes you think anything we did would affect OPs decision?
You cannot compel people to change their behavior if they don't inherently see their own value or act from a place or self love. That is the same with alcoholism or whoring.
Different styles will work with different men at different stages of their life.
Exactly right, the problem is the lack of self-love, which is why extreme gentleness is the only way to go. Being hard on someone who doesn't love themselves is only going to make them break down and run away.
It might feel "beta" or weak to be gentle on such an extreme sin, but it's the only thing that works in addiction situations, which we can see here.
The Word is Love. There was a lack of patience for Recovery and it was not Loving. I am not suggesting to "tolerate" the sin, which also does not save. I am explaining how to treat such a sin, like Christ did with the woman with 10 husbands.
All we needed to do was make suggestions or ask non-threatening questions. There was no point in asking him "why haven't you done XYZ??"
And when do you think Purple was accused of selling weed bro? Back in the 90s or 80s, so all of your points are moot. As for today's weed being worse than alcohol today - that is off-topic.
Going back in the thread, I didn’t read his actions that way at all. In his last post he asked how the forum knew he didn’t block her or delete her number so my guess is he actually did. Then you guys ripped into him anyway.
Some of you guys are incredibly prideful and it shows in your posts. Samseau is right, it was not a loving approach at all. You doled out advice in a prideful way, then got annoyed when he didn’t immediately take to it, because in your minds your advice had to be correct and right. Well it wasn’t and it failed miserably.
Prideful or not, facts are facts. Your definition of a loving approach is different than mine.
My version of love involves telling people the truth and trying to help. Not sugar coating a poison pill.
Until the person does the steps I outlined... Very unlikely to be successful.
Precision of language. There were multiple times there was a differentiation of blocking vs deleting that was inquired on. We don't know anything about what the OP did or didn't do. We are merely asking why?
I am not emotionally invested in this person's whoring or not. I've got my own issues and my own faults. I want OP to get life together, otherwise I'd not have replied.
I think we can all reflect on where we were too soft or too hard. Only see to it that you are not gaslighted into a victimhood narrative and point your fingers at each other instead
The way I see it, OP didn't much care for anyone's advice on here. I only hope he doesn't go on to waste a priest's time as well.
The way I see it, OP didn't much care for anyone's advice on here. I only hope he doesn't go on to waste a priest's time as well.
That is one of the most prideful statements I’ve ever read. So have you ever dealt with people with addiction and where exactly has your approach worked? If you’re a drill
Sergeant and people are forced to listen, then maybe, but once that dynamic isn’t there nobody is going to listen or care about what you have to say. They’ll more likely rebel. It’s just like when kids listen to teachers in school, but that influence isn’t lasting.
On the other hand, genuinely meeting a person where they are at and demonstrating understanding will work in the long run. Not barking orders or commands at them.
We don’t know what actions he took, but he seemed to moving in a positive direction from
his posts.
Well, from a practical view it seemed to have forced him to leave the forum, so it didn’t work.