The Approach Question (AQ)

[God's lonely asperger]

How do you approach women in real life you meet in social places? What would these social places be?
Cold? Warm? Hot? Heating? Boiling? Temperature in Celsius?
What do you ask? Do you go for the number? Do you ask for (((social media)))? Do you go for the heart? Do you write a paragraph for every woman you meet on the street?

As I touch grass, I notice some women my age aren't just downright abominably ugly, fat, swarthy (sorry), and tattooed. Yet if I see one I will probably sh1tted my pants thinking "WATTAIDO" and just sit there like a sigma male waiting for the roastie to leave the bench and for me to go home to post about the encounter on incel forums.
Age is also a question since people in my church think I look 24. I am quite a few years below 24. How do you even tell if the age isn't an issue on your part? Age of consent here is 14 so yeah I can't get arrested.

Unironically though, what advice do you guys have for the AQ? I'm 5'9 and have a deep voice so I think I at least have a chance to not get viciously rejected and called a Moe (Lester's friend). I'm socially retarded however as I am typing this.

 

[Get2choppaaa]

Just don't be a fucking Robot.

Say hello and try and have a discussion. You can read body language pretty well... If a gal quickly dismissed you...drive on. If she's receptive, as most women are id if you're not a fugly dude... Pay a compliment or a joke or be funny and see if you can have a conversation...

This isn't really that hard but people overthink it.

The less you think about it and act like a normal person the better. If you all gel, ask for her number and shoot her a text later that day and say hello.

If you all start texting back and forth ask her what her schedule looks like over the next couple days.

Set a date and do something fun. See where it goes from there.

 

[stadtaffe]

go home to post about the encounter on incel forums

If you're on that you better quit it it really won't help..

 

[Christos_NIKA]

I thought this forum was not going to be about how to pick up women. Or did I misunderstand?

 

[Pointy Elbows]

Pick an innocuous or innocent thing and ask her a question about it. "Do you like that phone/Desert Fathers book/backpack? I was thinking about getting one like it..." If she smiles during response, then just try to follow up with more innocuous questions. If she's interested, she'll try to find a way to string the conversation along. If she's a frowner/one worder, then you're out. Pour your feet in concrete until the chat is over - antsy feet kill your presence.

(Forgive old game reference, but it works for well-intended people also).

Forgot to say - Good luck, brother! Go get 'em! We're cheering you on, and decent women are silently cheering you on as well. They have lower agency than men, so they are just hoping someone opens conversation. That's the man's job. Go do your job. You'll be better for your action (rejection is superior to missed opportunity) no matter how it turns out.

 

[Get2choppaaa]

I thought this forum was not going to be about how to pick up women. Or did I misunderstand?

I think the dude here is just trying to get help with not being a weirdo...and is admittedly socially awkward.

No one's telling him to go bang a girl on the first date...or do anything that's going to harm his eternal soul.

 

[God's lonely asperger]

If you're on that you better quit it it really won't help..

Obviously (I'm not). Defeatist mindset on those. It was funnier typing it through. It is what it is.

Just don't be a ******* Robot.

Confidence is hard to get, what can I say. I slur my words or talk too weirdly. Beep boop, lack experience. I did well on my first approach though, but it was a colleague I observed for a while.

Say hello and try and have a discussion.

Not sure the proper times for those. A bench is obvious, but yeah, bench is just a rare example.

You can read body language pretty well...

I have some stories of that not being the case, but I will assume that for the sake of the argument as Shapeero says.

If a gal quickly dismissed you...drive on. If she's receptive, as most women are id if you're not a fugly dude... Pay a compliment or a joke or be funny and see if you can have a conversation...

I appreciate it, but this thread is mostly about approaching, not the approachment. Once you get in, you can't pull out. It is a very conscious choice if you don't do it enough or at all.

The less you think about it and act like a normal person the better. If you all gel, ask for her number and shoot her a text later that day and say hello.

Text is easy. Real gets too real sometimes, if that makes sense. Do you think asking for number in general like "what's ya number" can give you a mean rejection. No one likes mean rejections or being the mean one, is how I feel.
Also, how do you feel about the social media question. It's very much a thing. Women find it creepy when you don't have it.

Pick an innocuous or innocent thing and ask her a question about it. "Do you like that phone/Desert Fathers book/backpack? I was thinking about getting one like it..." If she smiles during response, then just try to follow up with more innocuous questions. If she's interested, she'll try to find a way to string the conversation along. If she's a frowner/one worder, then you're out. Pour your feet in concrete until the chat is over - antsy feet kill your presence.

(Forgive old game reference, but it works for well-intended people also).

Forgot to say - Good luck, brother! Go get 'em! We're cheering you on, and decent women are silently cheering you on as well. They have lower agency than men, so they are just hoping someone opens conversation. That's the man's job. Go do your job. You'll be better for your action (rejection is superior to missed opportunity) no matter how it turns out.

Perfect advice. This is what stays in my inner monologue but I tend to not go through. Stringing is easy, but I never start. I'll keep the concrete in my shoes. Thanks a lot!

I thought this forum was not going to be about how to pick up women. Or did I misunderstand?

Beggars can't be choosers. I don't plan to fornicate either way.

 

[Get2choppaaa]

Obviously (I'm not). Defeatist mindset on those. It was funnier typing it through. It is what it is.


Confidence is hard to get, what can I say. I slur my words or talk too weirdly. Beep boop, lack experience. I did well on my first approach though, but it was a colleague I observed for a while.


Not sure the proper times for those. A bench is obvious, but yeah, bench is just a rare example.


I have some stories of that not being the case, but I will assume that for the sake of the argument as Shapeero says.


I appreciate it, but this thread is mostly about approaching, not the approachment. Once you get in, you can't pull out. It is a very conscious choice if you don't do it enough or at all.


Text is easy. Real gets too real sometimes, if that makes sense. Do you think asking for number in general like "what's ya number" can give you a mean rejection. No one likes mean rejections or being the mean one, is how I feel.
Also, how do you feel about the social media question. It's very much a thing. Women find it creepy when you don't have it.


Perfect advice. This is what stays in my inner monologue but I tend to not go through. Stringing is easy, but I never start. I'll keep the concrete in my shoes. Thanks a lot!


Beggars can't be choosers. I don't plan to fornicate either way.

Look dude...

At a certain point you've just gotta reach down there between your legs and find your testicles.

You have to be comfortable with failure.

Go practice talking to random strangers with a smile until you aren't trapped in beepbop mode.

 

[God's lonely asperger]

Look dude...

At a certain point you've just gotta reach down there between your legs and find your testicles.

You have to be comfortable with failure.

Go practice talking to random strangers with a smile until you aren't trapped in beepbop mode.

I recognize this, but the fear of slipping up and being called a perv by the opposite sex is a bit daunting. I'm not sure which words they deem "perv" or Moe. I'll see what I do.

 

[Get2choppaaa]

I recognize this, but the fear of slipping up and being called a perv by the opposite sex is a bit daunting. I'm not sure which words they deem "perv" or Moe. I'll see what I do.

Why? What's the worst they can do? Say some ugly stuff to you? So what?

You owe these women nothing. And if they treat you poorly that's their problem.

I'd also encourage weightlifting as something to build your confidence. Not saying it's a requirement that you have to be jacked... But self confidence from lifting goes a long way for your self esteem...which seems to be the issue here.

Just smile, be polite, engage in small talk, and go from there.

 

[Rax Moscow]

How do you approach women in real life you meet in social places? What would these social places be?

Honestly, due to the focus and age group of this forum, I wouldn't seek advice here.
Most people here are not actively pursuing women. Most are considerably older than you. And most don't interact with women of your age group regularly, which are a whole different can of worms.

I don't necessarily agree with the view that "the Red Pill" / "Game" was a totally degenerate thing.
It's more a, well, social relations between boys and girls are totally broken, and this is what men tried to fix it.
It was a tool, one that could certainly be abused, but also had a lot of general good advice on how to behave and be confident and masculine. And a lot of the talk there was not about fornicating, but about getting in shape, making friends, finding a job, where to find good girls, etc.
I think that's why Roosh kept the site up for years even after he shunned PUA.

But women in their 20s and younger in America are a weird bunch. I'm 6'3, dress well, and in decent shape and it's tough to get young girls to make eye contact or smile when we pass on the sidewalk. I'm not interested in American women any more, but just doing the southern gentleman "howdy" thing is something they often won't reciprocate.

I don't think guys who haven't been in the dating scene in the last 3 years understand how much more difficult / awful it is now, even since pre-covid times. One would likely need a whole different bunch of techniques and skills to apply to this new generation of retarted ADD permanently online socially influenced girls. And hence I would take most advice from people here with a grain of salt. (For example, common old advice would be to look a girl directly in the eyes and ask her to join you in some activity, but many young girls today say that type of thing "scares" them and they prefer interacting with text or emoji over a phone call or real face to face talking).

The only general advice I'd suggest is practice making small talk with people all the time, at places you go (where appropriate--don't harass people who are trying to lift with long diatribes for example). Most of what *YOU* can do in the equation comes down to confidence / lack of nervousness and that is only achieved by practicing talking to strangers, which is bizarre and scary at first. The rest of it mostly depends on the woman, and... well... good luck there.

Also, dispensing with the fear of what people think about you is a helpful general attitude.
You mention "age of consent" which really shouldn't be an issue if you are getting to know members of the opposite sex. You are free to talk to people of any age you like, and you shouldn't be "consenting to have sex with them" unless you are married anyway. That phrase always creeped me out, and consent theory is stupid anyway.

Finally, be careful, because the rules today are totally in the favor of women. They can harm / shame / embarass you easily if they choose to. And consider a woman from a culture that won't accept the feminist / globohomo views that typical city girls will (Amish, Latin, Asian, Eastern Europe, etc. and who are far more likely to smile and interact normally)

 

[God's lonely asperger]

Why? What's the worst they can do? Say some ugly stuff to you? So what?

A man can only handle enough ugly stuff. But enough about my middle school!

You owe these women nothing. And if they treat you poorly that's their problem.

Learned it the hard way. It kinda just lead me here. Rough stuff brother.

Honestly, due to the focus and age group of this forum, I wouldn't seek advice here.
Most people here are not actively pursuing women. Most are considerably older than you. And most don't interact with women of your age group regularly, which are a whole different can of worms.

I noticed it the hard way that the age range of this and the old forum is different than the age range of my online vidya games.
I appreciate the advice here even if it really just tends to be "pull yourself up by yer bootstraps" or whatever it is. Beats 4chan that's for sure.

I feel like zoomer women are just terminally online. That's their biggest problem. The parenting is what decides if they have blue hair or not. Met a blue hair girl and she reported her father restricted literally every social media, except an lgbt one. I am bolding this information.

I don't necessarily agree with the view that "the Red Pill" / "Game" was a totally degenerate thing.
It's more a, well, social relations between boys and girls are totally broken, and this is what men tried to fix it.
It was a tool, one that could certainly be abused, but also had a lot of general good advice on how to behave and be confident and masculine. And a lot of the talk there was not about fornicating, but about getting in shape, making friends, finding a job, where to find good girls, etc.
I think that's why Roosh kept the site up for years even after he shunned PUA.

Looking back I feel it was just a grift geared towards vulnerable people desperate for success in dating. PUAs were totally evil and Satanic, with all sincerity. The forum was a treasure trove of all you said, however. Great threads I remember just from the time I lurked, to the time I made an account. Grift is grift, but yeah. I think I agree with you.

I'm 6'3

No comment. Are you going to tell me you learned to tie your shoes at 5 next? Though really, the height is such a cheat code. I ain't ugly, but 5'9 is 5'9. I haven't checked since last year though.

retarted ADD permanently online socially influenced girls.

I called it (earlier in this post), I saw it, I lived it. Get these women out of the got dang phones if you have one.

(For example, common old advice would be to look a girl directly in the eyes and ask her to join you in some activity, but many young girls today say that type of thing "scares" them and they prefer interacting with text or emoji over a phone call or real face to face talking).

Yeah my Asian tier brown eyes deeply staring scare them. The weak should fear the strong.
A girl answered me with just an emoji a while ago, so I think you're onto something.

Also, dispensing with the fear of what people think about you is a helpful general attitude.

Teach me the ways. I struggle with it so much, it's unreal. I take showers just to leave the house because I'm insecure about the hair being a mess. Well part of it is just the sweat but regardless.

You mention "age of consent" which really shouldn't be an issue if you are getting to know members of the opposite sex. You are free to talk to people of any age you like, and you shouldn't be "consenting to have sex with them" unless you are married anyway. That phrase always creeped me out, and consent theory is stupid anyway.

You're analyzing autism speech. I just say age of consent because it gives odd stares in public talking to kids or teenagers. I ain't no weirdo though.

Finally, be careful, because the rules today are totally in the favor of women. They can harm / shame / embarass you easily if they choose to. And consider a woman from a culture that won't accept the feminist / globohomo views that typical city girls will (Amish, Latin, Asian, Eastern Europe, etc. and who are far more likely to smile and interact normally)

TRUTHNUKE. These b1tches will ruin your life. Latinx (wtf Latinx unironically goes through spellchecker now) are getting bad now, which is my demographic I guess.
Containing the power level is a virtue that I mastered when just glancing at the face of a gendered individual.

God bless you Rax, you know the way. Thanks for the lengthy post.

 

[JCSteel]

Lots of good advice on this thread. Approaching a stranger is all about reading energy and willingness to talk. And being relaxed. The best wisdom I know is to make a friendly remark and see how a lady responds. Then go from there.

I'm no expert and I rarely approach random women but I did have success approaching a young lady at a book store once. She was alone and appeared to be exploring the store leisurely. I made a comment about the book section she was in, we started talking about De Tocqueville and our jobs. Eventually I told her how bored I was at work and that she should stop in to say hi since she lived closeby. Then she suggested that we exchange numbers. I wish it always happened like that.

A few months ago I ventured to speak to a woman at the gym. I asked her about her squatting technique and she responded pleasantly. Reading her energy I could tell she was friendly but maybe a little shy and since I didn't know where to take the conversation I wished her a good day and walked away.

 

[Get2choppaaa]

Lots of good advice on this thread. Approaching a stranger is all about reading energy and willingness to talk. And being relaxed. The best wisdom I know is to make a friendly remark and see how a lady responds. Then go from there.

I'm no expert and I rarely approach random women but I did have success approaching a young lady at a book store once. She was alone and seemed to be exploring the store leisurely. I made a comment about the book section she was in, we started talking about De Tocqueville and our jobs. Eventually I told her how bored I was at work and that she should stop in to say hi since she lived closeby. Then she suggested that we exchange numbers. I wish stuff like that happened more often.

I used to find that in every day tasks there are plenty of opportunities to make acquaintances. That includes women. That includes attractive women that you'd like to date.

My old man talks to everyone and always makes a point to say a polite thing to every person he interacted with, regardless of setting....unless they are being a jackanape. This has stuck with me and something I still do now. I suppose this has helped me be loquacious by nature and thus helpful with the women folk.

I realized how easy it was to engage and get a girl's number if she's receptive pretty early after divorce. I once met a girl at a grocery store who had a really big smile and was so cheerful. I made a casual comment about ghee in a can defeating the purpose, she overheard me and laughed, and then this turned into a 5 min back and forth about cooking and all of that. I left and didn't get her number (though single at the time and post divorce) that was a perfect opportunity for such interaction...but only because I wasn't focusing on it, rather just making an observation.

My point is that if your not in a place where you're confident and don't have these social skills as part of your engrained nature... You have to work at developing them.

Not just for womens but for general life interaction.

 

[Cuchulainn]

I will give you one tip - never, ever ask for a womans number.

Give her your number, and tell her to text you sometime, if she is interested, she will. If she isnt, she wont, and you wont get a real rejection.

Plus, if you act like the woman should be making an effort to get you, she will wonder to herself about what makes you so confident you dont chase woman, you get them to chase you, and she just might want to find out more about you.

Its also all about being comfortable talking with others, especially if you dont act like you are interested. I always found I had more attention from women when I wasnt actually seeking female companionship. I assume women can sense the men who are desperate to get a woman, and women dont want a desperate man, they want a calm and confident one.

 

[God's lonely asperger]

I will give you one tip - never, ever ask for a womans number.

Give her your number, and tell her to text you sometime, if she is interested, she will. If she isnt, she wont, and you wont get a real rejection.

This is something I should have added emphasis on. I feel like it's moved from numbers, and numbers are only given or asked for after a ton of dialogue. Usually people exchange Instagram, but individuals who post here are less likely to y'know, have social media. It's a can of worms, and women always think it's an "ick" when a guy doesn't have soycial media.

I'm not really sure if asking for social media, or giving social media is cucked. It makes you feel kinda cucked, I heard. 1 in 1k followers, and that's (You).

Plus, if you act like the woman should be making an effort to get you, she will wonder to herself about what makes you so confident you dont chase woman, you get them to chase you, and she just might want to find out more about you.

Its also all about being comfortable talking with others, especially if you dont act like you are interested. I always found I had more attention from women when I wasnt actually seeking female companionship. I assume women can sense the men who are desperate to get a woman, and women dont want a desperate man, they want a calm and confident one.

I think I realized both of these in person, but at the same time, lack of experience is pretty bad. More likely to slip up when trying to be confident.

 

[Steady Hands]

@God's lonely asperger

Much of the sage advice from Choppa, Elbows, and other members has already been given to you in your other thread about apps. I also wrote a detailed blueprint for you to start improving your social skills, before even trying out dating apps:

Strongly agree with these posts

@God's lonely asperger

The above is solid advice. Try these things out and report back on your progress. Try to avoid complaining about women here and focus on taking concrete action and advising us on your progress.

---

The following is adapted from a post of mine in a closed RVF thread.

Navigating Online Dating for Christian Men

How to manage online dating for the conservative Christian man seeking a wife and kids in 2023 and beyond? It's a tough question. And a tough road. But it is possible. Since there are so many women using online dating apps these days, some guys will want to use this opportunity.

Here are 16+ tips that offer a chance of success while minimising suffering along the way. FYI: these tips are based on real life experiences (and eventual marriage), not speculation.

Disclaimer: Online is far from ideal for meeting a conservative wife, is not for everyone, has many downsides, and even when used should not become a clutch driven by sole dependence and avoidance of F2F socialising. Ideally you would be socialising in real life through your church community, sports or hobby clubs, social circle, and incidental cold approaching as part of your regular socialising with random people around you.

Phase 1 - not ready for online

1. If you are a young guy with low confidence and few social skills, stay off the apps for now. It is better to first build up your self confidence and social skills with people and baseline comfort with women through other avenues;

- Focus on building your social skills and confidence, regardless of who is in front of you. Practice small talk with anyone, everyday. Try to make them smile.

Then take active steps to learn how to tell stories, actively listen, speak clearly, etc. This means watching videos online, listening to podcasts, and trying things out. Avoid gettng stuck in learning cognitively and 'paralysis by analysis'. Learning via action is better. Then reflect, learn, and try again.

- To help with this, get help from a personal coach, red pilled male psychologist, church elder (if they have time), a toastmaster group, or otherwise. Don't do it all alone. This is essential.

- Sharing activities like bible study, sports and hobbies is a great way to make friends and get comfortable being around women in a low pressure environment. Get involved in clubs and teams.

- Through the above, develop friendships with other men by taking initiative, sharing activities and offering value.

Consider doing these things first before trying online dating. Going online will likely send you backwards in terms of confidence, emotions, mindset and motivation. Build your ship with strong foundations and a small but trusted crew before you take it in the open seas.

This was posted almost 4 months ago. What action have you taken since then? You may have taken action but it doesn't seem to be evident from this thread.

You seem to have social anxiety and are avoiding action through cognitive analysis, planning, seeking consensus, etc. Due to a number of biological, social and environmental reasons, your body-mind neural network is probably communicating to you "I am in danger" when facing social-evaluative threats and personal rejection. Thus, staying at home and learning via knowledge and chats is an effective way to keep you "safe". From this perspective, there is one part of you that seeks to explore, take risks, and achieve connection, while another part is seeking safety and security. The way forward is not necessarily to completely remove the protective/avoidance part (although reducing its influence is ideal), but more so to make the ambitious/approach part stronger.

Given these challenges, I recognise your unique situation means the typical "just do it" advice may not be useful on its own, and that a more socially supportive approach will be more effective. Because of this, and since working on your fundamental social anxiety and confidence is important, I'll reiterate this point:

>>Get help from a personal coach, red pilled male psychologist, church elder, a toastmaster group, or otherwise. Don't do it all alone. This is essential.<<

There is little benefit for you or anyone else for you to keep posting about plans and theories, if you are not taking any action based on this learning. This may sound harsh, but it is best for your own development.

Take action, try something, then tell us what happened, and share your reflections.

All the best,
S.H.

 

[DanielH]

How are you with public speaking and hanging out with guys? Consider joining a men's club or a speaking club. Even something like a hobby club. Up here we've got woodworking clubs. If you get comfortable with public speaking and meeting new people, some of that will transfer to women, and in the meantime it gives you something real to do to take your mind off the broads.

 

[larom]

I don't think there's anything wrong with how you are, the vast majority of actual real world, alpha types don't talk a lot in general, especially to women & definitely not running around in parks "hey haha check out that bird haha I'm tom haha". That's dumb booty boy stuff.

Keep your circle small, keep your mouth shut & your ears open. Focus on finding your purpose on why you are here, then fulfill that purpose. Keep everyday productive, learn to be a provider & protector. Once you can do all that, your biggest problem won't be talking to women but getting them to shutup.

 

[BrotherAugustine]

I think the core concept is to remember that you are a man speaking to a woman. Not a friend talking to a friend or a man talking to a man with long hair and a different body.