It's hard not to get despondent about things sometimes. I am just trying to be comfortable by myself and trust God. When I was younger, I never worried about finding someone, but as I get older, I feel like it will get harder to marry a quality woman. I'm in my mid 30s and feel comfortable I could get a nice 20-something year old woman, but when I turn 40 I feel like I will be "too old" for most of them. Unlike some people on this forum, I think some women who are 30s (especially early 30s) can be decent prospects (some women have trouble finding good men too, and men can be deceptive just like women can) but I don't want to utilize that option until I am older.
Yes, we have to be honest. It changes a lot, even though I don't believe it should, from a social and mental point of view when you go from mid 30s to 40s. The thing that makes me somewhat cynical or think the society or culture is stupid is that you can be on top of your game at mid 30s in the west, good shape, good job, etc and you just won't come across any volume of women that's very attractive relative to your achievements and SMV. So to me even though there is a mental change, it still largely doesn't matter
unless there is some way you can actually meet LOTS of women. That's either not easy at all, or takes TONS of time and investment otherwise. When you've already done that in your career and in the gym, it's a stupid thing for you to have to take extra steps when the woman is the one that will benefit from it all. I'm not complaining, seriously, I'm just saying (and of course willing to pay that price, as I have).
- Well done for getting back out there and trying again after your relationship ended. It can take some time (months to years) to fully recover, so it's good to see you are resilient and trying again.
- Online dating is tough, so you need to be not just tougher, but also smarter, and this means having a clear, definable strategy.
- It's encouraging that you seem self-aware and realistic about your dating prospects as it relates to age. Let's be real. Men have a "wall" -- it just doesn't hit as hard or fast as for women. Nowhere is this more evident than online. Compared to avenues that involve in-person interaction, online dating makes age gaps a huge barrier to meeting up. This is because, if a woman sets her limit to just 1 year below your age, you'll NEVER match with her. If you are 35+ let alone 40+, merely matching with attractive women in their early to mid 20s online (assuming they are trad, not gold diggers etc) is going to be highly unlikely.
- In the eyes of many women in their mid-late 20s, the age around mid-30s is the key time when men change from being "an option" vs "not an option". Why? Because 33 is linked to "a bit past 30", whereas 37 is associated with "almost 40". Consider how your precise age is viewed within this framework.
- For a man in his mid-late 30s, some women in their late 20s and even early 30s (assuming they haven't gone through a ho3 phase, don't have an attachment disorder etc) can be a suitable prospect for marriage/children. This is because they are likely to be more ready to fully commit, get married, and prepare for having children compared to women in their early 20s or even mid 20s. Note: This is a broad statement about women that does not address the context of a church community, the theoretical ideal age of early-mid 20s for getting together, etc.
You are spot on. You can be a wonderful marriage prospect, though (I know, some might roll their eyes, another internet poster, etc) and just not come across anything remotely highly valuable as a woman though that you'd actually commit to, which is the issue here.
With the above in mind, it's essential to
(a) develop highly accurate awareness of your own "husband material value",
(b) understand what it truly takes to not just attract but also keep the type of woman you're seeking, and
(c) continue doing whatever you reasonably can to improve your value. I've discussed this and more under the subheadings 'It Takes More than Wanting' and 'The Three Questions'
here.
Again, I totally agree and I think everyone should read your post 3 times. My experience is such that even if I'm picky, want too much, etc it's hard to even meet a girl who is within 1 point SMV that isn't already old, and at that point, she's not even that same SMV because she's already old and/or with baggage. That's not what marriage is all about per se, but I'm unwilling to do the companion thing until at least 60, lol. I'd literally have to be indifferent entirely about sex to want to just spend time with a woman for no other good reason. Brutally honest, but true.
The problem of course being why would you want a 30 year old woman for anything serious?
It keeps coming back to this, yes. Let's say you are a 6 even, and you're a man at 35. You are going to keep up professionally and have good net worth, making more and being in good shape for at least 15 years. Her attractiveness from 31-35 plummets, literally falls into a crater - and that can be worth it, but only with a trade for that girl's 25 year old self.
This is where overseas comes into it. In poor countries 18 or 19 year old women will happily date a 45 year old man if he is in good shape, has money and has charisma.
The conclusion is obvious. As a middle aged man you really need to head overseas.
This is what I've found because you don't get any relative SMV value in the west, and you pay a TON for a very marginal woman age and looks wise. It really does come down to women needing you, because it's not just a western spoiled thing, it's a western spoiled/tech/fattening thing.
A mid 40s man could easily find a woman around 30 (assuming she is single also because of her lack of reasonable prospects) and she will have a few good years of reasonably healthy fertility.
That is technically true, but I think even 6s in the west are few and far between at this point, and especially post 30.
Now, if you want to have kids and legacy at all costs, you might want to agree to something. I personally don't find that "worth it" but it's a personal decision. I also don't find that just having a family and slaving for their overall provisioning, without getting good treatment from a wife, is worth it these days. I see it a lot where guys don't but they don't complain, because it doesn't matter even if they did. The other part is that all the married people say it's all worth it, etc. The problem is that we would never actually know because they leave this part out:
literally no one is going to tell you, for social and ego reasons, that being married/having a family sucks. I'm pretty good with human bias and seeing it or picking it out, and this is a classic example.
