This post (and the other ones you linked to) are definitely helpful, thank you!
I'm glad to hear that.
I'm not sure how much of the following comments will apply to your individual circumstances, which I know almost nothing about, however I hope you can get some value from considering a few of these concepts or approaches.
I am going to work on my "day game" skills, but for the purpose of finding a wife and not hooking up. I live in the country, where there are some attractive women and nice prospects, but not a lot of single women. I'm thinking of going to a nearby small city and trying it out.
Great idea. If you live in a small town and worry about trying out social moves within a close-knit community due to potential reputational ramifications, then travelling can help you to feel more comfortable to take on more conservational risks. Accepting such risks are essential along the path towards social mastery and relationship success.
I also want to just work on my overall social skills and talk to men and women that I'm not trying to date too. I can be charismatic and outgoing, but I am shy and not good at breaking the ice. I think if I could get better at this, I'd have a lot more options than online dating.
Solid mindset. Working on your social skills can improve so many areas of your life, well beyond meeting women.
Here's a channel that might help with some key principles of communication. I've cued up one potentially useful video with a timestamp for your consideration.
After reading some "field reports," it looks like a fair amount of men haven't had too much trouble getting a woman like 10-12 years younger, so even if it takes me until 39 to get married, I'd be happy with a good woman who is 27-30. Fortunately, I can pass for 5-10 years younger than my actual age, which makes day game a good option compared to online dating when my age is part of the algorithm and is one of the first things women will notice.
That's a sound approach. Looking and feeling younger is a huge asset for meeting younger women, especially offline.
Setting a goal for the coming few years with a set time frame is also a great idea. This keeps you focused on the bigger picture and your deeper purpose, while giving you time to take risks and explore things without the weight of time pressure.
When I met my now wife, I was in my late 30s and she was in her mid 20s. Sure, looking younger helped me a lot in this process. But the vast majority of women who deemed me most suitable at the time were in their early to mid 30s. To be frank, the whole journey was far from easy and included considerable pain.
It took me almost 10 years from when I realised I wanted children, to actually making it happen (after going through failed relationships, releasing my fear of losing freedom, overcoming sexual addiction and other past sins, etc).
I am working on shifting my mentality from "I want to find someone good now before I get too old" to a long-term strategy mainly focused on self-improvement, acquiring wealth, and getting more social exposure, not just for the purpose of meeting women, but to achieve various goals I have and have a better social network in general.
This is a solid strategy for several reasons. First, because it reduces internal worry, unpleasant emotions, and time wasted on chasing external validation. Secondly, because it makes us more attractive to women, given that neediness is repulsive, and since a man who "has his life together" is what women want. Third, it makes us more confident, independent, and whole. A man who is at peace with himself, the world, and God, especially when it comes with a successful life outside of women, has less need for any particular woman or even being in any relationship.
Nevertheless, for many men, there are significant risks associated with a hands-off strategy, whereby they wait until they have more of something (money, status, access, etc) until they start putting in direct effort with women.
Depending on the individual's social status, access to women, personality etc, this can build complacency, a perceived lack of control, avoidance of interpersonal risk, and an overreliance on weak longer-term proxies of attraction and love (e.g., money, material resources, status, etc)
*. In these circumstances, it may lead to diminished rather than enhanced chances with women.
Indeed, for most men, achieving and maintaining a relationship with a highly desirable woman will necessitate a journey characterised by
ongoing personal growth and unyielding determination.
I expanded on some aspects of this "I'll wait until I get more XYZ..." approach in another thread:
Daily Interactions with Women (see subheading # 2: 'Do not delay direct action; instead, start the smallest next step today'.
*There is a common idea that simply having more money, more status, or even changing locations will solve one's problems with women. While there is some truth to this idea, there are often many other truths left out of this conversation.
Being the breadwinner is not a problem per se.
Rather,
what can create heartache is an over-reliance on material provision to sustain respect, attraction, and attachment. Put simply, this will not work. Unless, that is, a man has no problems with being perpetually seen as a walking ATM.
A reliance on the external violates a key premise of red pill relationships 101 -
she must respect you. So, it pays to beware of putting too much emphasis on attraction proxies, as these can be a crutch for generating genuine attraction and attachment.
Social status and monetary wealth can generate very strong interest from women in the short term, and in general, are highly correlated with mating success in the longer-term. However,
ongoing respect, attraction, and love cannot be bought. If this premise was false, you wouldn't hear about rich or famous men getting dumped or beta-ised and nagged to the point of heart failure. This is why ignoring the value of "game" or social skils, not grasping the psychology of women, and generally getting lazy post-commitment leads to so many unwanted consequences.
I think the "meeting lots of women" is the X factor. Someone could be a great prospect, but if they don't go out and meet people, they won't find anyone. On the other hand, someone who is decent across the board, decent looking, decent personality, with a decent income, might find a good woman (not top tier, but friendly and somewhat cute) to marry if they meet enough women to increase their chances.
I don't like bars and clubs. I don't even really go out to eat much. I've met women at coffee shops, supermarkets, etc., before so that's one option. I am going to look into things like sports/activities, volunteering, and just going out to shop more, thrifting, etc. to hopefully meet someone decent. You're right, it is a big investment in time, but using apps can be just as big of an investment, and more fruitless.
If anyone has good suggestions of places to meet women, I'm all ears.
Nice to hear. Sounds like you're on a good track. Droughtmeat offered a decent response to your question so I've quoted it below.
Do keep us updated on how it's going. All the best.
Yep, it's definitely an investment. Average guys who have access to a lot women, usually spent a certain amount of time exposing themselves to women.
As for where to meet younger girls. I usually do it via my social circle. I'm a mid 30s guy but have always been on sports teams. As time goes by I'm basically the oldest on the team. Many of my teammates are in their early 20s. We get along really well (I'm not talking about conspiracy theory discussion level chemistry, but good enough for us to be awesome teammates). Obviously, once they realize I'm cool they'll ask if I want to go out with them or come to some friend's BBQ etc.
Another thing I can recommend are beginner's dance courses. Latin dance usually has a broad age spectrum and there's no expectation for you to be coordinated because everyone is a beginner.
In these settings as a financially stable man you stand out because the girl sees she can have fun with you, you fit into her social circle and on top of that you're more mature and better off.
Of course, if you don't enjoy playing sports or dancing, these options aren't for you. But they're just examples. When it comes to dancing, I'm more deliberate. Whereas the basketball stuff is just a natural byproduct of me doing something I genuinely enjoy.
