I really dont know how to phrase this and it's really hard to say this in text with no context but I have a question that's been bothering me. I know it may come off as judgemental but it's not meant to be.
Should men settle for something less than "ideal"?
If I was 40+ I probably wouldn't even be trying with girls 18-26 range here in the states. That's still my fallback. If I can't get it going here I'll jet for Thailand and just join the Russians. The services I attend here in my own English speaking country of the US are in Greek anyway, so it's not really that big of a deal.
When you ask this question my thoughts are to consider how good of a position the guy is in before settling. Is he broke? Is 40s? 50s? Does he have health issues? Is he overweight? Does he have baggage? Mental problems?
I think before settling for something less than ideal we should do our best to get in a good position to increase our SMV. Become the traditional husband. Become a member of a Parish. Get our health in order. Get finances secure, even if it's something very basic just enough to cover basic expenses.
I liked the advice I heard about writing down everything we want from our ideal woman. Then scratch out ideal woman from the top of the list and write ideal ME.
If after we've done all we can, at some point it might be better to settle for something less than ideal and have realistic expectations, but I really think we have to get control of our thoughts and fight despondency and hopelessness. I mean in general, I'm not talking at you. I struggle with this myself, but for me it's mostly beating myself up for sleeping around so much, being a loner, being hateful and angry, etc.
I know this stuff is kind of obvious. I guess we'd need to know more about what your current game is here. Do you have a female prospect in mind? What's your stats matched up to her stats?
There are some things I'd just never consider settling for. If she has a kid. If she's fat. If she's too old to make babies. If she was a hooker. If she's super career oriented. Etc etc.
If it's slightly less good looking than average. If it's the wrong denomination (Or even religion like Buddhist) that requires some converting. If she's a little slow. Some things can be worked out and dealt with.
One of the worst relationships I've ever seen was a guy I used to teach English with in Thailand. He was in his 40s. The girl he was with was late 50s fat ogre with kids, and I believe an ex hooker on top of that (He met her in a hooker bar). He gave all of his salary to her every month, which was his only income. I'm not even sure he was sleeping with her.
He had it in his mind that his relationship was "different". Somehow it was special. Guys can rationalize themselves in some real doozies. He seemed to think it was what he deserved I guess. His had a big heart and it got the best of him, and he was CERTAINLY looking in the wrong place. A hooker bar. Smh.
There was no reason he couldn't have married an average looking 4 or 5 in her 20s if he had adjusted his lifestyle. He had issues with health as he was severely underweight, heavy smoker, and an insomniac, but he was still settling for something way off the mark. He could have done a lot better. He was a good guy.
Another guy I taught English with had divorced his crazy wife after 25 years of marriage in Europe and had a few kids with her. He was late 50s. Started over in Thailand. Wasn't in the best shape as he was overweight. Heavy drinker. Heart problems. Only money he had was his teaching income.
He married a 28 year old Christian Filipina teacher from another school that was probably a 6.5. She was lovely. A great mother. Very feminine and submissive. He had a kid with her. He's living happily ever after. And they weren't struggling to make ends meet or bitching about their kid being so expensive or whatever. They just had a normal life.
I guess my point is that it's easy to cut ourselves short or become hopeless, especially when looking in a western environment. There's definitely hope. Both of these men were raking in 35k baht a month (about 1000 usd). Both had baggage. They weren't young with 6 figures, 6 foot, and whatever else seems impossible to compete against or just bygone days.
There's alot of horror stories but I've seen some guys set themselves up nicely. Guys that on paper you wouldn't think had a shot at all. Here is an example of two guys with different thoughts about their situation and approaches that led to drastically different outcomes. I've got plenty of stories like this. Of course we don't hear about the good ones often, but moreso, especially on the internet, about the nightmares.
The guy with the Filipina that succeeded had a great personality. Good Christian morals. He was a great father. He was confident. He was charming. He was intelligent. She didn't care about his money or past. This can certainly happen to anyone else. She loved him because he committed to her through marriage, made a home with her (a rental house that cost them about 10k baht a month, or 300 US, in a safe and decent Thai neighborhood), was a good leader, and gave her his heart.
And this makes it much harder for me at 35, when I have my crap together physically and financially and so on, to consider any sort of "game" for a woman in her late 20s in USA, when I know what I could get elsewhere, because I've seen these types of relationships work out firsthand, and even blew my own chances several times through lack of commitment, improper values, forgoing truly embedding myself in the community, and just continual loafing as a 'Marlboro man'.
Settling for less than ideal for me is the 26 year old I mentioned above. Which probably seems ridiculous to many outside of this forum, and their feedback isn't helpful and just contributes to further despondency and hopeless thoughts.
I don't think I'm crazy to expect a 19 year old Filipina virgin. Despite my imperfect past, I really don't think this is out of the question. Even at early 40s, if I stay on top of things, this could still be the same expectation.
Other settling for less than ideal scenarios I have are moving said hypothetical 19 year old Filipina here in the US, or having a type of semi long distance dual living situation.
But sucking it up and being some kind of hero to save a fatty with kids as her eggs are drying up is just out of the question. I'd rather be single doing monk mode celibacy for the rest of my life.