A difficult decision to make...

This actually isn’t a difficult decision to make. You’re not going to move to Albania for this woman.

The difficult part is going to be figuring out how to get yourself out of the situation you have found yourself in.

To back up, there are a number of obvious reasons why you’re not going to go to Albania, many of which other posters have already mentioned:
There are more of these, but I’d be typing all day.

The two main reasons why you’re not going to go relate to the very obvious reality: you are not in love with this woman.

I understand being lonely and wanting to hedge, but if this woman was really the love of your life, you wouldn’t still be making hundreds of approaches with women in your city. You would be hyper-focused on your Albanian girlfriend.

More importantly, you don’t love her enough to appreciate what an awful position you would be putting her in by your coming to Albania to be with her. You’ve stated that your inability to cope with loneliness and any other adversity in your life has led to multiple addictions. To simplify things, you have essentially stated that if you were to be with her, you would not feel the need to resort to substance abuse.

Do you realize how much of a burden this places on this woman is you move to her? That her presence is the only thing keeping you sober? If you really care about this woman, why would you burden her with this responsibility rather than working on these demons in more appropriate ways?

Anyways, so that part is settled; you’re not going down there.

More importantly, what are you going to do to work on this situation?

Why are you still living in the alternating boiling hot/freezing cold communist block building at this point? Why have you not upskilled yourself to make yourself more attractive to better employers or to offer some type of service, product, etc. to consumers? You mention you have “taken major strides” in this area, so why the continued miserable living conditions?

This is something you need to be thinking about right now. It should terrify you. If this isn’t figured out soon, things are just going to get harder and harder for you.

More to the point of relationships and Poland, I don’t accept that in a city of close to 2 million people (let’s say 300,000 women in the datable age range) that it’s too difficult to find an appropriate partner. None of this “they’re too cold!” or “they’re just career women!” nonsense. Even if this applies to 95 percent of them, you still have 15,000 to choose from.

Where are you going to meet these women? Glad you asked, because this is going to help work on your alcohol (and, to a smaller degree, smoking) problem, as well.

You’re going to need to join a gym. Maybe you already go to a gym, but if this is the case, I don’t know how you’re lonely. If you’re lonely and you go to the gym, you need to find a new gym.

Requirements for this gym are:
  • Performance is important
  • Lots of interaction with other people
If you go to a gym where you’re essentially competing during every session, you won’t want to drink and smoke as much. If you roll into a workout and everybody watches you get your butt kicked because you’re hungover, you’ll be less inclined to drink the night before and you’ll probably want to give up smoking entirely.

Gyms are the easiest places to make friends and gym friends are the best friends to have. People who care about their health, appearance, and, depending on the type of gym, their physical performance. Gyms that actually promote interaction are even better.

All of this being said, this is why you need to join a CrossFit gym near you. I don’t care about what any of the naysayers chiming in will say about it, You put in the effort, you get fit. You have to compete every day so you don’t want to suck at it. There are a ton of women (and men) who you are interacting with during every class and everyone becomes friends. You will make a lot of local friends and will probably make a new expat friend or two.

Next, it’s time to get to church. No, not in this “sit inside a church for 20 minutes and think about your situation” or “ask your pastor” manner. Instead, I would commit to two things:
  • Finding and attending the local English-language mass in your area
  • Consistently attending weekday mass AT THE SAME CHURCH in your area
To the former, you will not only be able to understand and participate in the liturgy. This is reason enough to go. You will also meet like-minded people who are navigating being an expat in the city. If you’re really against finding a Polish girlfriend/wife, there are usually a good number of single women (many of whom are younger university students) from foreign countries who attend mass and the agape “love feasts” afterwards. This is also where you will have the best chance to meet a priest to regularly converse with (since he will be fluent in English).

To the latter, in the larger churches in Budapest, daily masses draw hundreds of people. Although these people tend to be older, there are a surprisingly high number of younger women who attend. I would assume it is similar in Warsaw. Would you doubt that it’s every single one of these you women’s dreams to meet her husband at daily mass? This dream is what they’re living for!

You can’t be hungover or drunk (which would actually constitute a mortal sin) to receive the Eucharist; another incentive that goes along with this activity.

(An added bonus is, obviously, being able to partake in Eucharist on a more regular basis. Also, your Polish language listening ability should improve).

To summarize/action items:
  • You’re not going to Albania and I would argue it’s time to cordially end the relationship
  • You’re going to start upskilling and improving your short and long-term prospects
  • You’re going to start going to CrossFit
  • You’re going to start going to the English-language mass somewhere in Warsaw
  • You’re going to start going to daily mass (you don’t have to start going every day. Work into it)
You start on these things, you probably won’t have time or brain space to feel as anxious as you do, you will improve your health, financial prospects, relationship prospects, and your spiritual life. Ball is in your court now.
 
Albania like all shitholes have big inequalities. Theres very rich and very poor. The girl doesnt seem to be poor to be able to stay in Poland for 3 months. And talks english. She is also old to marry probably by albanian standards. But this is just speculation.

Things are never black and white. And for players who had a lot of woman experience theres always this idea of the next best one.

Dont think marriage is a sacrifice. Sacrifice is living alone. And arriving home and only have the tv to talk with. Even if you have a big social life. Theres always moments of loneliness. Kids are the best thing in the world.

The real question is if you already farted near her. If you havent than she is not the one. You must be comfortable with the woman you will live with.
 
BehindTheLines said:
This actually isn’t a difficult decision to make. You’re not going to move to Albania for this woman.

The difficult part is going to be figuring out how to get yourself out of the situation you have found yourself in.

To back up, there are a number of obvious reasons why you’re not going to go to Albania, many of which other posters have already mentioned:
There are more of these, but I’d be typing all day.

The two main reasons why you’re not going to go relate to the very obvious reality: you are not in love with this woman.

I understand being lonely and wanting to hedge, but if this woman was really the love of your life, you wouldn’t still be making hundreds of approaches with women in your city. You would be hyper-focused on your Albanian girlfriend.

More importantly, you don’t love her enough to appreciate what an awful position you would be putting her in by your coming to Albania to be with her. You’ve stated that your inability to cope with loneliness and any other adversity in your life has led to multiple addictions. To simplify things, you have essentially stated that if you were to be with her, you would not feel the need to resort to substance abuse.

Do you realize how much of a burden this places on this woman is you move to her? That her presence is the only thing keeping you sober? If you really care about this woman, why would you burden her with this responsibility rather than working on these demons in more appropriate ways?

Anyways, so that part is settled; you’re not going down there.

More importantly, what are you going to do to work on this situation?

Why are you still living in the alternating boiling hot/freezing cold communist block building at this point? Why have you not upskilled yourself to make yourself more attractive to better employers or to offer some type of service, product, etc. to consumers? You mention you have “taken major strides” in this area, so why the continued miserable living conditions?

This is something you need to be thinking about right now. It should terrify you. If this isn’t figured out soon, things are just going to get harder and harder for you.

More to the point of relationships and Poland, I don’t accept that in a city of close to 2 million people (let’s say 300,000 women in the datable age range) that it’s too difficult to find an appropriate partner. None of this “they’re too cold!” or “they’re just career women!” nonsense. Even if this applies to 95 percent of them, you still have 15,000 to choose from.

Where are you going to meet these women? Glad you asked, because this is going to help work on your alcohol (and, to a smaller degree, smoking) problem, as well.

You’re going to need to join a gym. Maybe you already go to a gym, but if this is the case, I don’t know how you’re lonely. If you’re lonely and you go to the gym, you need to find a new gym.

Requirements for this gym are:
  • Performance is important
  • Lots of interaction with other people
If you go to a gym where you’re essentially competing during every session, you won’t want to drink and smoke as much. If you roll into a workout and everybody watches you get your butt kicked because you’re hungover, you’ll be less inclined to drink the night before and you’ll probably want to give up smoking entirely.

Gyms are the easiest places to make friends and gym friends are the best friends to have. People who care about their health, appearance, and, depending on the type of gym, their physical performance. Gyms that actually promote interaction are even better.

All of this being said, this is why you need to join a CrossFit gym near you. I don’t care about what any of the naysayers chiming in will say about it, You put in the effort, you get fit. You have to compete every day so you don’t want to suck at it. There are a ton of women (and men) who you are interacting with during every class and everyone becomes friends. You will make a lot of local friends and will probably make a new expat friend or two.

Next, it’s time to get to church. No, not in this “sit inside a church for 20 minutes and think about your situation” or “ask your pastor” manner. Instead, I would commit to two things:
  • Finding and attending the local English-language mass in your area
  • Consistently attending weekday mass AT THE SAME CHURCH in your area
To the former, you will not only be able to understand and participate in the liturgy. This is reason enough to go. You will also meet like-minded people who are navigating being an expat in the city. If you’re really against finding a Polish girlfriend/wife, there are usually a good number of single women (many of whom are younger university students) from foreign countries who attend mass and the agape “love feasts” afterwards. This is also where you will have the best chance to meet a priest to regularly converse with (since he will be fluent in English).

To the latter, in the larger churches in Budapest, daily masses draw hundreds of people. Although these people tend to be older, there are a surprisingly high number of younger women who attend. I would assume it is similar in Warsaw. Would you doubt that it’s every single one of these you women’s dreams to meet her husband at daily mass? This dream is what they’re living for!

You can’t be hungover or drunk (which would actually constitute a mortal sin) to receive the Eucharist; another incentive that goes along with this activity.

(An added bonus is, obviously, being able to partake in Eucharist on a more regular basis. Also, your Polish language listening ability should improve).

To summarize/action items:
  • You’re not going to Albania and I would argue it’s time to cordially end the relationship
  • You’re going to start upskilling and improving your short and long-term prospects
  • You’re going to start going to CrossFit
  • You’re going to start going to the English-language mass somewhere in Warsaw
  • You’re going to start going to daily mass (you don’t have to start going every day. Work into it)
You start on these things, you probably won’t have time or brain space to feel as anxious as you do, you will improve your health, financial prospects, relationship prospects, and your spiritual life. Ball is in your court now.
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I don't think she's the only thing keeping me sober considering I was sober 5 years before and then 2 years before. I have slipped with my sobriety various times over the years. I don't think I would be burdening her too much with that. Ultimately I can drink anytime if I feel so compelled and it's my decision alone.

I don't understand this gym obsession but I do go to the gym.

Should someone be doing cold approach while in a long distance relationship? No. I admitt that I wavered a lot over whether or not to focus on her completely or just start afresh in Poland. We probably SHOULD have broken up but she stayed very loyal to me despite my various weird phases of not taking things all that seriously. I feel like now I'm finally done with my chasing the dragon which included a slight addiction even obsession to daygame. Does it mean I didn't love her? I don't know. It might mean I had some problems with commitment. And I probably had phases of times where I was so completely obsessed with my job that I didn't have time for anything else

Of course there are some good women in Warsaw as well. I haven't met many though. But yes I wasn't going to church everyday.

I lived in a lame apartment just to save money. I could get a better place but I was trying to save as much as I could on rent. It's not as dramatic an issue as you made out in the tone of your post.

I'm not really in need to be 'terrified' about anything since I made a decent salary in Poland and would in Albania. I have an actual career which I had to work hard to get qualified/skilled for.
 
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Over this summer during a break from work, . I found myself really struggling mentally with the isolationJust feeling almost suffocated by the loneliness somehow of sitting in a communist block in a foreign country. Not being able to relax. I started smoking and drinking to relieve stress (and I know this is retarded and makes it all worse). I won't bore with you details but a chain of stressful events happened regarding visa/apartment and other worries and instead of dealing with them calmly I became stupidly addicted to nicotine and alcohol and became even more convinced my life was about to fall apart. The worries required my care and attention so I wasn't really able to just travel and enjoy summer, sadly.

I don't want to sound like a pathetic cautionary tale since I have taken major strides in my career last two years - increasing finances, qualifications and stability - but unfortunately my personal life has mostly nose dived.
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Oh. My bad for thinking the situation was a bit dramatic.

Your original post (no control, things falling apart) and response here (you have things under control) have two very different tones. Only you know where the truth in it all lies so good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Self-pity is a powerful, negative attitude that gives rise to many, many excuses for sin. People fall into Satan’s trap of giving themselves “permission” to sin to compensate for the difficulties and trials they’ve had to bear. Self-pity is a direct rejection of God’s control. It is saying, “I don’t like what you’ve done in my life, and I absolutely will not be content! I can’t change it, so I’ll just be angry and miserable.”
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BehindTheLines said:
Oh. My bad for thinking the situation was a bit dramatic.

Your original post (no control, things falling apart) and response here (you have things under control) have two very different tones. Only you know where the truth in it all lies so good luck with whatever you decide.
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Nah you're right. I was a bit dramatic in my first post.
Douglas Quaid said:
I understand the mindset but moving for a woman doesn't seem like a good idea. For lack of a better word, it seems beta. She could potentially lose respect for you, consciously or not.

Men lead, women follow. If anything she should move for you. Otherwise it's probably best to let this go.
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It depends if you frame it as 'moving for a woman' or 'moving for a different/better lifestyle' I guess. If I absolutely hated Albania and couldn't envision living there at all, I wouldn't go there. I'd have to be able to frame it in my head that I could still make it work there without her if the relationship bombs.

I thought many times about her coming to live in Warsaw with me except I haven't been particularly enjoying that either. She never asked me to go to Albania and even has suggested I don't go due to the some of the risks I have outlined. I think it's pretty clear to both her and myself that Albania would only be a stop gap as part of a larger journey of living abroad and my career (international teaching).

The whole alpha/beta thing...really? Most people have a mix of alpha and beta traits. Or sigma and beta traits.
 
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I'm really surprised by the comments thus far. @magoo advice was gold. Its the single most valuable thing I learned from Roosh. When you have tough choices, or tough jobs, pray, ask God for his guidance. Be open, be honest, ask for his spirit to guide you, and LISTEN. God has your back if you have his.

I was steered by God and my disgust at my weaknesses and sins, this led me on a long journey to Warsaw just like you. I found a Polish woman within a year who I married and now have three children with. We decided with strong nudges from our Father to relocate to a rural farm and live self sufficiently. Its a multi year process, but if i need to bend a pipe, or cut an angle of wood, and I have any doubt, I ask God to help me make wise choices.

Renew your faith and trust in God, he lets you know what you need to do. Get your relationship with God right and everything else will follow, ask for guidance, and when he answers, even if its terrifying, do it. We have free choice but we have a Father who is the master of all and is itching to help if we only ask.

We are blessed.
 
One lesson to carry over from the pick-up days is the realization that you should never depend on a woman for your well being. That has to be based on a solid foundation which is The Church, the faith, your work, your discipline, your drive. A woman is a subscriber of the result of that. You only set yourself up for failure chasing a manic pixie dream girl.
 
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McKinnsley said:
I'm really surprised by the comments thus far. @magoo advice was gold. Its the single most valuable thing I learned from Roosh. When you have tough choices, or tough jobs, pray, ask God for his guidance. Be open, be honest, ask for his spirit to guide you, and LISTEN. God has your back if you have his.

I was steered by God and my disgust at my weaknesses and sins, this led me on a long journey to Warsaw just like you. I found a Polish woman within a year who I married and now have three children with. We decided with strong nudges from our Father to relocate to a rural farm and live self sufficiently. Its a multi year process, but if i need to bend a pipe, or cut an angle of wood, and I have any doubt, I ask God to help me make wise choices.

Renew your faith and trust in God, he lets you know what you need to do. Get your relationship with God right and everything else will follow, ask for guidance, and when he answers, even if its terrifying, do it. We have free choice but we have a Father who is the master of all and is itching to help if we only ask.

We are blessed.
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Yes, but you did it the old-fashioned way. You took the action.

But we are trying to figure out how to do nothing and gain something.
That's a new approach, very popular these days.
 
fortyfive said:
Yes, but you did it the old-fashioned way. You took the action.

But we are trying to figure out how to do nothing and gain something.
That's a new approach, very popular these days.
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Pretty unfair to say I've done nothing.

You think moving to Poland was doing nothing? It took me over a year to sort out the immigration stuff there. And I had to go back to the UK to study to get fully qualified to work there. I did a ton of stuff.

Or even going to Albania to meet the girl to begin with? Where I was originally practicing daygame in some small UK town during lockdown. I was taking a ton of action.

And whichever choice I make here it's still taking an action as in living and working in a foreign country and try best I can to work things out.

That opinion really bothers me and it's wrong to say I take no action.
 
Tippy said:
Pretty unfair to say I've done nothing.

You think moving to Poland was doing nothing? It took me over a year to sort out the immigration stuff there. And I had to go back to the UK to study to get fully qualified to work there. I did a ton of stuff.

Or even going to Albania to meet the girl to begin with? Where I was originally practicing daygame in some small UK town during lockdown. I was taking a ton of action.

And whichever choice I make here it's still taking an action as in living and working in a foreign country and try best I can to work things out.

That opinion really bothers me and it's wrong to say I take no action.
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Why is it "unfair" and why are you so "bothered" by this? You put out the original post you did and a successful man gave a response explaining his situation that is objectively better than yours. Instead of being "really bothered" and writing about the "ton of stuff" you've done, why aren't you picking his brain to figure out how he made it happen?
 
Tippy said:
I am 35 and she is 28.
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A bit on the older side to not already have children in Albania. Do you know why that is? How is her relationship with her father? She already "wasted" now 2 years with you at an age Albanian women should be pregnant asap. But you are also 35 single and living abroad. Not the "best deal" a woman can make as well. I just say that, to maybe forgive her for a thing or two. No one is perfect. You too. She is at least 7 years younger. thats a good deal for you.

I would pray to God and ask him for a sign to marry this woman or not. If you truly want that, God will help you. If you're not sure about it or you find out she has just too many red flags, I would try to relocate to a smaller Polish city. But in the end, we are just some dudes on the internet, and the old "bruh you need to lift and make tons of money" advice is in my opinion very gay. I don't want you to regret it in 5 years you didn't go after this woman because some dudes told you to lift more. Very gay. You are 35 years old. The clock is ticking. You need to make decisions.
 
BehindTheLines said:
Why is it "unfair" and why are you so "bothered" by this? You put out the original post you did and a successful man gave a response explaining his situation that is objectively better than yours. Instead of being "really bothered" and writing about the "ton of stuff" you've done, why aren't you picking his brain to figure out how he made it happen?
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I don't really know enough about his situation to say it is objectively better than mine. Nor do I compare myself to others directly like that anyway. I hope this poster is happy and if so I am glad for him. I certainly will be sending him a message to ask him about his experiences in Warsaw and the rural living sounds interesting. I was brutally honest during a particularly dark time. You can't get the whole picture of me and my life from that. Everyone has periods of difficulty and it's quite lame to judge the entirety of someone's life based on what they wrote at their worst.

What bothers me is a strange comment to me about not taking action which has not been the case. You can say it isn't the right course of action I suppose, but not inaction.
 
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Unfortunately it’s the tendency of Internet forums to beat up on a guy and pile on him whenever he asks for advice or shows any signs of imperfections. It makes guys feel manly or something to be a keyboard warrior and speak to people in a manner that they would never do so in real life.
 
I see it as tough love. I wish I had guidance like this when I was younger. Being a man, a Christian and submitting to God means accepting reality. And as a man, our feelings matter but reality matters a lot more. Following a woman's lead like this would be a big mistake in my opinion.

I've also had several tough times and they were all self-inflicted.
 
Douglas Quaid said:
I see it as tough love. I wish I had guidance like this when I was younger. Being a man, a Christian and submitting to God means accepting reality. And as a man, our feelings matter but reality matters a lot more. Following a woman's lead like this would be a big mistake in my opinion.

I've also had several tough times and they were all self-inflicted.
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I think the ideology many seem to put first is the red pill stuff and general binary thinking from that world. How is it following her lead when she never even asked me to apply here? When I decided I was ready to try something else and applied somewhere that made some sort of logical sense. I was not asked to do any of this.

But no it doesn't pass some red pill detector test on a first read so it is automatically beta and weak. As if changing jobs and taking risks is ever easy or not challenging.

And apparently receiving any kind of help or support on one's mission by a woman is a weak move despite many examples I can think where men were only able to achieve what they did due to help and support of women. It is this idea you have to do everything yourself without help or guidance from any female human being that seems basically extreme and certainly not connected to reality that I see and have read about.

I appreciate people at least giving honest opinions. Everyone is convinced they are right and know the exact truth about these matters.

I asked for honest feedback and I do not mind getting it.

But also this is only partly about ME and all commentators have vested interest to a degree of expressing what they believe in absolute terms is the correct worldview. And I do understand that drive on a forum like this.
 
Tippy said:
She lived with me for 3 months in Poland.

She also came for 2 weeks another time and 3 days another times.

I went to Albania for 4 weeks
And 2 weeks and random shorter trips.

So over 2 years I guess it is about 5 months.
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OK so you don't have a girlfriend, you're just kidding yourself. You're not present, you don't see her on a daily basis. If months have gone by since you saw her I bet you any money she has a steady boyfriend back home and at least a few orbiters local and online (you're one of them).
 
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