A difficult decision to make...

T

Tippy

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So anyone who has read my previous posts may know that I am currently living in Poland and that in the meantime I have a long distance relationship with a girl in Albania.

Well I have been working in Poland for about a year as a teacher and have generally been quite lonely and isolated here. Sure I do hobbies and have a busy life but not close connections really. Typical city life.

Over this summer during a break from work, I found myself really struggling mentally with the isolation. Just feeling almost suffocated by the loneliness somehow of sitting in a communist block in a foreign country. Not being able to relax. I started smoking and drinking to relieve stress (and I know this is retarded and makes it all worse). I won't bore with you details but a chain of stressful events happened regarding visa/apartment and other worries and instead of dealing with them calmly I became stupidly addicted to nicotine and alcohol and became even more convinced my life was about to fall apart. The worries required my care and attention so I wasn't really able to just travel and enjoy summer, sadly.

I don't want to sound like a pathetic cautionary tale since I have taken major strides in my career last two years - increasing finances, qualifications and stability - but unfortunately my personal life has mostly nose dived.

I take a catechism class once a week and regularly meet expats in the city. I visit other cities often on little jaunts. Yet I just feel a bit sick somehow by myself. And fall tempted to vices.

On a whim, I applied to a random job in an Albanian school and got it. So I could just jump ship and move to her. But the job looks kind of unreliable in a way. A step down certainly stability wise and a big risk. The upside I could be around her and her family. And I wouldn't be in some city full of temptation and vice by myself. I just fear somehow that it isn't the manly thing to do. That I should focus on taking care of myself and being the man somehow rather than running into the arms of a woman in her home country.

So my options are basically stay here with my stable job and try to improve myself. However, the last year has shown me that living alone in a foreign land has not been an optimum condition to do this as I think my base line stress levels are quite high and I end up just medicating myself (with usually vices) just to get by. It's a bit like the general stress you might feel in an airport or on a busy day on vacation but spread out for months. Sometimes I want to believe I'm happy and living a great life since it looks cool on paper but my subjective experience is often pretty negative. Is it worse than if I was just in my home country? I don't know. I clearly have some personal issues which are exacerbated by living abroad.

So yes I could move there, take a risk with a job that could be a disaster but might be OK, and try living together and having a bit more stability. But of course if the job sucks or I can't do it for whatever reason I would be back to the starting line again.

Moving back home is off the cards unless I am forced. As hard as abroad gets, at least it's a kind of operatic misery and not just bucket of water to the face hopelessness.

I know that only I can answer this question as it's my life but I just wonder if anyone had any feedback or suggestions.

Thanks!
 
Tippy said:
So anyone who has read my previous posts may know that I am currently living in Poland and that in the meantime I have a long distance relationship with a girl in Albania.

Well I have been working in Poland for about a year as a teacher and have generally been quite lonely and isolated here. Sure I do hobbies and have a busy life but not close connections really. Typical city life.

Over this summer during a break from work, I found myself really struggling mentally with the isolation. Just feeling almost suffocated by the loneliness somehow of sitting in a communist block in a foreign country. Not being able to relax. I started smoking and drinking to relieve stress (and I know this is retarded and makes it all worse). I won't bore with you details but a chain of stressful events happened regarding visa/apartment and other worries and instead of dealing with them calmly I became stupidly addicted to nicotine and alcohol and became even more convinced my life was about to fall apart. The worries required my care and attention so I wasn't really able to just travel and enjoy summer, sadly.

I don't want to sound like a pathetic cautionary tale since I have taken major strides in my career last two years - increasing finances, qualifications and stability - but unfortunately my personal life has mostly nose dived.

I take a catechism class once a week and regularly meet expats in the city. I visit other cities often on little jaunts. Yet I just feel a bit sick somehow by myself. And fall tempted to vices.

On a whim, I applied to a random job in an Albanian school and got it. So I could just jump ship and move to her. But the job looks kind of unreliable in a way. A step down certainly stability wise and a big risk. The upside I could be around her and her family. And I wouldn't be in some city full of temptation and vice by myself. I just fear somehow that it isn't the manly thing to do. That I should focus on taking care of myself and being the man somehow rather than running into the arms of a woman in her home country.

So my options are basically stay here with my stable job and try to improve myself. However, the last year has shown me that living alone in a foreign land has not been an optimum condition to do this as I think my base line stress levels are quite high and I end up just medicating myself (with usually vices) just to get by. It's a bit like the general stress you might feel in an airport or on a busy day on vacation but spread out for months. Sometimes I want to believe I'm happy and living a great life since it looks cool on paper but my subjective experience is often pretty negative. Is it worse than if I was just in my home country? I don't know. I clearly have some personal issues which are exacerbated by living abroad.

So yes I could move there, take a risk with a job that could be a disaster but might be OK, and try living together and having a bit more stability. But of course if the job sucks or I can't do it for whatever reason I would be back to the starting line again.

Moving back home is off the cards unless I am forced. As hard as abroad gets, at least it's a kind of operatic misery and not just bucket of water to the face hopelessness.

I know that only I can answer this question as it's my life but I just wonder if anyone had any feedback or suggestions.

Thanks!
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Not a good idea in my opinion to go live with her in her house I agree with you its not really the manly thing to do its a matter of principal, however if you think this is the girl for you then why not ask her to marry you?

If she says yes have the wedding in Albania with her family and friends then bring her back to live at your place in Poland.

Lots of details missing in your story, I dont know your age, how long you know this girl and how well you know her etc, marriage is serious and for life so make sure she is the right one for you, not sure if you can find that out online only though.

Im no expert or saint and might be giving you bad advice I dont know, you should also ask your priest since he knows you personally and can see you in person compared to us here online. I wish you the best may God be with you🙏🏻
 
Tippy said:
So anyone who has read my previous posts may know that I am currently living in Poland and that in the meantime I have a long distance relationship with a girl in Albania.

Well I have been working in Poland for about a year as a teacher and have generally been quite lonely and isolated here. Sure I do hobbies and have a busy life but not close connections really. Typical city life.

Over this summer during a break from work, I found myself really struggling mentally with the isolation. Just feeling almost suffocated by the loneliness somehow of sitting in a communist block in a foreign country. Not being able to relax. I started smoking and drinking to relieve stress (and I know this is retarded and makes it all worse). I won't bore with you details but a chain of stressful events happened regarding visa/apartment and other worries and instead of dealing with them calmly I became stupidly addicted to nicotine and alcohol and became even more convinced my life was about to fall apart. The worries required my care and attention so I wasn't really able to just travel and enjoy summer, sadly.

I don't want to sound like a pathetic cautionary tale since I have taken major strides in my career last two years - increasing finances, qualifications and stability - but unfortunately my personal life has mostly nose dived.

I take a catechism class once a week and regularly meet expats in the city. I visit other cities often on little jaunts. Yet I just feel a bit sick somehow by myself. And fall tempted to vices.

On a whim, I applied to a random job in an Albanian school and got it. So I could just jump ship and move to her. But the job looks kind of unreliable in a way. A step down certainly stability wise and a big risk. The upside I could be around her and her family. And I wouldn't be in some city full of temptation and vice by myself. I just fear somehow that it isn't the manly thing to do. That I should focus on taking care of myself and being the man somehow rather than running into the arms of a woman in her home country.

So my options are basically stay here with my stable job and try to improve myself. However, the last year has shown me that living alone in a foreign land has not been an optimum condition to do this as I think my base line stress levels are quite high and I end up just medicating myself (with usually vices) just to get by. It's a bit like the general stress you might feel in an airport or on a busy day on vacation but spread out for months. Sometimes I want to believe I'm happy and living a great life since it looks cool on paper but my subjective experience is often pretty negative. Is it worse than if I was just in my home country? I don't know. I clearly have some personal issues which are exacerbated by living abroad.

So yes I could move there, take a risk with a job that could be a disaster but might be OK, and try living together and having a bit more stability. But of course if the job sucks or I can't do it for whatever reason I would be back to the starting line again.

Moving back home is off the cards unless I am forced. As hard as abroad gets, at least it's a kind of operatic misery and not just bucket of water to the face hopelessness.

I know that only I can answer this question as it's my life but I just wonder if anyone had any feedback or suggestions.

Thanks!
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Visiting Kosovo and North Macedonia first hand recently I have seen what Albanians are like. And in my opinion marrying an Albanian girl would be very difficult. Albanians are extremely racist and nationalistic people and dealing with her family and friends if you marry her will likely cause huge problems for you as will living in Albania as a foreigner.

Not to mention with the typical quality of Albanian people if you are marry an Albanian girl it’s highly likely someone in her extended family or friends will be a drug dealer, a scammer or a thug, etc. you will end up associating with a lot of low quality people.

To be honest if you are living in Poland it might be more worthwhile to find a Polish girl to marry.
 
Tippy said:
So anyone who has read my previous posts may know that I am currently living in Poland and that in the meantime I have a long distance relationship with a girl in Albania.

Well I have been working in Poland for about a year as a teacher and have generally been quite lonely and isolated here. Sure I do hobbies and have a busy life but not close connections really. Typical city life.

Over this summer during a break from work, I found myself really struggling mentally with the isolation. Just feeling almost suffocated by the loneliness somehow of sitting in a communist block in a foreign country. Not being able to relax. I started smoking and drinking to relieve stress (and I know this is retarded and makes it all worse). I won't bore with you details but a chain of stressful events happened regarding visa/apartment and other worries and instead of dealing with them calmly I became stupidly addicted to nicotine and alcohol and became even more convinced my life was about to fall apart. The worries required my care and attention so I wasn't really able to just travel and enjoy summer, sadly.

I don't want to sound like a pathetic cautionary tale since I have taken major strides in my career last two years - increasing finances, qualifications and stability - but unfortunately my personal life has mostly nose dived.

I take a catechism class once a week and regularly meet expats in the city. I visit other cities often on little jaunts. Yet I just feel a bit sick somehow by myself. And fall tempted to vices.

On a whim, I applied to a random job in an Albanian school and got it. So I could just jump ship and move to her. But the job looks kind of unreliable in a way. A step down certainly stability wise and a big risk. The upside I could be around her and her family. And I wouldn't be in some city full of temptation and vice by myself. I just fear somehow that it isn't the manly thing to do. That I should focus on taking care of myself and being the man somehow rather than running into the arms of a woman in her home country.

So my options are basically stay here with my stable job and try to improve myself. However, the last year has shown me that living alone in a foreign land has not been an optimum condition to do this as I think my base line stress levels are quite high and I end up just medicating myself (with usually vices) just to get by. It's a bit like the general stress you might feel in an airport or on a busy day on vacation but spread out for months. Sometimes I want to believe I'm happy and living a great life since it looks cool on paper but my subjective experience is often pretty negative. Is it worse than if I was just in my home country? I don't know. I clearly have some personal issues which are exacerbated by living abroad.

So yes I could move there, take a risk with a job that could be a disaster but might be OK, and try living together and having a bit more stability. But of course if the job sucks or I can't do it for whatever reason I would be back to the starting line again.

Moving back home is off the cards unless I am forced. As hard as abroad gets, at least it's a kind of operatic misery and not just bucket of water to the face hopelessness.

I know that only I can answer this question as it's my life but I just wonder if anyone had any feedback or suggestions.

Thanks!
Click to expand...
You would need to provide more details. But if you like the girl. You should try to live with her. You are not happy as you are living now. So what do you have to lose? Money? Money comes back. Time doesn´t.

A woman is more fragile. And generally speaking likes to stay more near her family. In Southern Europe man almost always lives near the woman family. If you have only kids you know they will leave. But a girl will stay near. So you wanting to deroot her is not a good idea.

Having boots on the ground will probably easier for you to find a better job. And maybe use her family network. Also imagine arriving home and having someone who cares about you waiting. Someone who will take care of you in a way. Like you will take care of her in another.

I´ve been to Poland. It´s not a place I would live for long periods. The only good thing were the girls. Which are good looking and slutty but cold as ice.
 
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While I would not try to talk you out of moving to another country, I’d not recommend it in this case if it’s a major step down in terms of work.

I know little about Macedonia , the rest of the former Yugoslav republics were hit hard during the civil war to the point even now, young Bosnians flock to other countries to work minimum wage jobs.

I’m in New York , there are 3 very large moving companies that get almost all of their workforce (minimum wage workers at $15/hr) from former Yugoslav, mostly Bosnia. Thats how bad things are in former Yugoslavia.

That’s said, you flat out state you’re not happy in Poland. If you can get a better work situation somewhere more to your liking, do it.

Stop trying to date someone long distance, unless both of you are on the same page, legit want a marriage and children in the next year or two, and you have both discussed and verbalized that you want this, then go ahead and make plans to make this happen. Otherwise concentrate on girls in your current city and country. As she almost certainly is dating guys in her town and likely keeping you in the picture, at an arms length, as a backup
 
You're not happy at home, you're not happy in Poland.

You have a long distance girlfriend who somehow hasn't ghosted you yet. Let me guess, she refuses to come to Poland.

I think the solution is clear. You need to find a virgin.
 
Poland and Albania are very different places in terms of human relationships. But I suppose you know that already. If you feel lonely, then the South is more suitable for dissolving that feeling in their hot-tempered culture.
The more you go to the north in Europe, the colder the weather and the people, too. Scandinavians are even more aloof.

The Balkans are dirty and economically less developed, but society is more cordial.

If there is nothing substantial that keeps you in Poland, except misery, you can try Albania. You will have experience, and if it does not suit you, then you can go back to Poland.
 
Take it from an old guy. Never move somewhere else to chase a girl and try to move in with her. If you think this is the women who will be your wife, then marry her first and she should move to you. The man should lead in the relationship, not the woman. Uprooting your life to chase her looks weak, un-masculine, and certainly won't win you any points with her family.
 
fortyfive said:
Poland and Albania are very different places in terms of human relationships. But I suppose you know that already. If you feel lonely, then the South is more suitable for dissolving that feeling in their hot-tempered culture.
The more you go to the north in Europe, the colder the weather and the people, too. Scandinavians are even more aloof.

The Balkans are dirty and economically less developed, but society is more cordial.

If there is nothing substantial that keeps you in Poland, except misery, you can try Albania. You will have experience, and if it does not suit you, then you can go back to Poland.
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Nothing cordial about Albanians. Sure they might be cordial with other Albanians but they are very racist and nationalistic so don’t expect that cordiality to extend to you as a foreigner. You will have to deal with Albanians lying to you and trying to scam you on a regular basis, trying to pick fights with you etc. Polish people are a lot more civilised than Albanians. Try to find a Polish girl instead.
 
I understand what people are saying.

I don't vibe that well with Polish women. Despite being in an LDR I have done daygame here and it has not gone well for me. It is hard for me to envision finding a Polish women of marriage quality while living in Warsaw. I find Polish people (including women) to be quite matter of fact and not hugely charming. They make great lawyers and accountants. But there is no fantasy or dream. Just slave like mentality of work and then subsequent consumerism. Perhaps if I forced myself to learn Polish and spent every weekend in Bialystock wife hunting there is a chance but I doubt it. I think perhaps because of my look (I basically look Polish) and my personality (I am not the most assertive person though I am trying to change) I don't appeal to Polish women. I think I've approached a few hundred at this point. I would say they are obviously attractive and overall intelligent. Much more intelligent than Albanians. But it is intelligence within boundaries of what is accepted and known - a kind of limited and enclosed worldview.

Warsaw is basically a Euro version of NYC lite with rampant consumerism, pleasure seeking, grindset lifestyles. I am sure there are decent Polish women out there in Warsaw. Yet even more based women are still obsessed with this 24/7 grind type of lifestyle of meeting your music group, then going to work, then going on vacation, then going to the gym. Just non stop activity. Non-stop priority of hobbies and experiences. They don't look like people wanting to settle down and raise kids for the most part. At least not the ones I encounter. They look like they are absorbed in their own world's of making money and self-development. It's better than the West as they do take care of thesmselves and look good and the attitude is still generally a feminine one.

Yet the problem is obviously me and my outlook I can see that. I certainly don't help matters by constantly being negative. It's just hard for me to imagine in this place where I have repeatedly felt unsettled/uncomfortable and negative to muster up the drive to get out there and meet a new marriageable woman. It's hard to see that. I don't even know why I feel this way half the time. But living in a small apartment with a sofa bed through scorching summers and miserable cold winters, it's not hugely pleasant. Even if the women do look good. A lot of them are unavailable and not even desirable beyond looks so it becomes mostly a hugely frustrating experience.

I'm not against trying to start from scratch necessarily I just am not sure it's the best idea when I already have a woman who is decent and traditional and wants a family and also is feminine and charming.

I understand if I were to go it would break some red pill rule of being the 'leader' but the problem is I am not leading anything I am hugely happy about right now. This just seems like a kind of stagnation somehow. Perhaps I could regroup in Albania and plot the next move. No move has to be final ultimately. I don't feel I am 'uprooting' anything much beyond leaving a job that is indeed quite a good one.
 
Eastern Europe women are ice cubes. And they all seem to be studying business. One polish girl i met worked at mckinsey and wanted to have a surrogacy for not stopping working. They are good for easy sex. Poland and all eastern Europe is really ugly. Communism is ugly and creates ugliness. Food is shit. Weather is shit. Only girls are good looking. But cold.

I guessed you were fairskinned. And thats probably the reason why your results and Australia sucks are different in balkans. Actually if Australia sucks goes to Poland it would be the opposite. He would have better results than you.

Its the same for south america. My oldest brother has blue eyes and pale. When he was shipped to SA. He had great success with woman. Also wearing Nike shoes was like high status. Go figure.

In Slovakia because they have gypsies the mediterranean looks doesnt give you any advantage. But in the rest yes. Girls associate it with beach sun parties.

Roosh wrote about this. He had a swedish friend. Who would get better results than him in Brazil.

Have no idea why living near your woman family is wrong. Theyre are helpful when babies are born. I lived near my wife family and they were incredible. Now we live more far because i wanted to be near the beach.

Albania seems a bit too hardcore. But if you manage to live by a beach. It should be nicer.
 
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magoo said:
Eastern Europe women are ice cubes. And they all seem to be studying business. One polish girl i met worked at mckinsey and wanted to have a surrogacy for not stopping working. They are good for easy sex. Poland and all eastern Europe is really ugly. Communism is ugly and creates ugliness. Food is shit. Weather is shit. Only girls are good looking. But cold.

I guessed you were fairskinned. And thats probably the reason why your results and Australia sucks are different in balkans. Actually if Australia sucks goes to Poland it would be the opposite. He would have better results than you. Its the same for south america. My oldest brother has blue eyes and pale. When he was shipped to SA. He had great success with woman. Also wearing Nike shoes was like high status. Go figure.

In Slovakia because they have gypsies the mediterranean looks doesnt give you any advantage. But in the rest yes. Girls associate it with beach sun parties.

Roosh wrote about this. He had a swedish friend. Who would get better results than him in Brazil.

Have no idea why living near your woman family is wrong. Theyre are helpful when babies are born. I lived near my wife family and they were incredible. Now we live more far because i wanted to be near the beach.

Albania seems a bit too hardcore. But if you manage to live by a beach. It should be nicer.
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Yes I tend to think having at least one person close to a support network is better than both people fish out of water abroad.

You are right, I do better in Balkans because I have more of a contrasting personality and features to what they have there generally. It's about being different and standing out in a good way.

In Poland, I just seem like a lame Polish dude. In Balkans I can at least get some interest for not being like the worst types of Albanian guys and for women who appreciate intelligence (there are some) you don't have much competition in that department.

Having said that, it's not exactly easy for me anywhere. I'm not scoring women with ease just because I can talk and have blonde hair. I just think I have a better chance there than in Poland.
 
Tippy said:
I understand what people are saying.

I don't vibe that well with Polish women. Despite being in an LDR I have done daygame here and it has not gone well for me. It is hard for me to envision finding a Polish women of marriage quality while living in Warsaw. I find Polish people (including women) to be quite matter of fact and not hugely charming. They make great lawyers and accountants. But there is no fantasy or dream. Just slave like mentality of work and then subsequent consumerism. Perhaps if I forced myself to learn Polish and spent every weekend in Bialystock wife hunting there is a chance but I doubt it. I think perhaps because of my look (I basically look Polish) and my personality (I am not the most assertive person though I am trying to change) I don't appeal to Polish women. I think I've approached a few hundred at this point. I would say they are obviously attractive and overall intelligent. Much more intelligent than Albanians. But it is intelligence within boundaries of what is accepted and known - a kind of limited and enclosed worldview.

Warsaw is basically a Euro version of NYC lite with rampant consumerism, pleasure seeking, grindset lifestyles. I am sure there are decent Polish women out there in Warsaw. Yet even more based women are still obsessed with this 24/7 grind type of lifestyle of meeting your music group, then going to work, then going on vacation, then going to the gym. Just non stop activity. Non-stop priority of hobbies and experiences. They don't look like people wanting to settle down and raise kids for the most part. At least not the ones I encounter. They look like they are absorbed in their own world's of making money and self-development. It's better than the West as they do take care of thesmselves and look good and the attitude is still generally a feminine one.

Yet the problem is obviously me and my outlook I can see that. I certainly don't help matters by constantly being negative. It's just hard for me to imagine in this place where I have repeatedly felt unsettled/uncomfortable and negative to muster up the drive to get out there and meet a new marriageable woman. It's hard to see that. I don't even know why I feel this way half the time. But living in a small apartment with a sofa bed through scorching summers and miserable cold winters, it's not hugely pleasant. Even if the women do look good. A lot of them are unavailable and not even desirable beyond looks so it becomes mostly a hugely frustrating experience.

I'm not against trying to start from scratch necessarily I just am not sure it's the best idea when I already have a woman who is decent and traditional and wants a family and also is feminine and charming.

I understand if I were to go it would break some red pill rule of being the 'leader' but the problem is I am not leading anything I am hugely happy about right now. This just seems like a kind of stagnation somehow. Perhaps I could regroup in Albania and plot the next move. No move has to be final ultimately. I don't feel I am 'uprooting' anything much beyond leaving a job that is indeed quite a good one.
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Problem is you al were looking for a woman in Warsaw. Warsaw is a big international city. Maybe try looking for a good Polish girl in a town (e.g. 100,000 people) that is not touristic. You have a better chance of finding a marriage worthy woman in a place like that then Warsaw.
 
Caduceus said:
How much time have you actually spent together in real life ? (not just by phone or internet).
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She lived with me for 3 months in Poland.

She also came for 2 weeks another time and 3 days another times.

I went to Albania for 4 weeks
And 2 weeks and random shorter trips.

So over 2 years I guess it is about 5 months.
 
If you’re both madly in love and both want yo make it official then marry her and start having kids. But have a good plan. You can move to some place you like better(line up a job ahead of time), it doesn’t have to be Poland or Macedonia .

Or break up with her and concentrate on girls local to your city or at least the same country

This isn’t that hard of a question honestly
 
In my experience in general Albanians are not civilized people. If you do decide to marry this girl do not live among Albanians and if you do not like Poland then take the girl with you to another country but avoid living in Albania or Kosovo, etc. It will not be pleasant for you trying to live among Albanians.
 
Tippy said:
In Poland, I just seem like a lame Polish dude. In Balkans I can at least get some interest for not being like the worst types of Albanian guys and for women who appreciate intelligence (there are some) you don't have much competition in that department.
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In my experience Polish, Ukrainian, Russian women etc are usually more intelligent and appreciate a lot more guys who are intelligent and have their lives together whereas Albanian women tend to love the drug dealer/thug/loser/degenerate type of guys. Its very rare to find an Albanian girl who appreciates an intelligent man who has his life together. Most Albanian girls I met seemed to be low IQ and almost as dumb as western women. Albanian women are physically very attractive but that is about the only good thing I can say about them.

If your life is a mess Polish girls will generally not be interested in marrying you so I can see why you are struggling with them. Or go to a Polish city near the border of Ukraine and look for a Ukrainian girl. Its a little bit easier to find a Ukrainian girl that will accept getting married young than it is to find a Polish woman who will get married young.
 
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