Continued from here:
...The only real answer is to go through a high-volume of women until you get a decent girl.
Every situation is different but I wouldn't rule out a woman who otherwise fits the bill if she has some feminist or liberal or let's say "pro gay" kinds of opinions or attitudes. As long as she herself is feminine, seeks Christ above all else, and is willing to follow you and be faithful, those problematic opinions can and will be smoothed out over time...
...I don't even see why it would be necessary to tell a woman that you don't think women should vote as a part of...
Screening for Wifey based on Political Views and other Opinions: Benefits, Challenges, and Trade-Offs
This post is aimed at men who are single, although it may be of interest for men in existing relationships as well. It reflects my personal experience and research in addition to general concepts that may or may not apply to your individual situation. This is not intended to be direct advice; instead, it's moreso aimed at enhancing thought about various concepts relating to screening and courting women for relationships and marriage.
There are four main scenarios when discussing a topic with a woman:
- She largely agrees
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- She largely disagrees
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- She doesn't share an opinion because she is not informed or doesn't care
- She doesn't share an opinion because she wants to avoid disagreeing with you, so she hide her true thoughts
The following section will explore some of the implications of responding to or interpreting these scenarios.
Some Reasons 'for'
It makes sense to quickly screen out women who display opinions that are clearly antagonistic to your values or that suggest unmanageable differences. The best bet for relationship success is to
find someone who already has the key traits, values, and goals that are aligned with yours. Trying to mold another adult into your ideal version of them is a much more difficult endeavour.
This is especially important when you are (a) older, and/or (b) using online mediums. I recommend very hard screening in this context, because it's very easy to waste a HUGE amount of time by casting a wide net and trying to chase up every possible lead.
Irreconcilable opinions can often be inferred through appearance, so we don't even have to speak to these women to know that we won't agree about the value of an unborn child.
Conversely, a woman who is highly knowledgeable about theology and is red-pilled on politics, medicine, public schooling etc, would seem like a solid choice, assuming that she is attractive, nice, etc. These ladies that offer some kind of "full package" that ticks all the boxes are likely to be
exceedingly rare though. I think it's more important to understand the inevitability of concessions or deals, and to adapt accordingly. I'll expand on this later.
In addition, a woman who is completely apolitical may be ignorant more generally, apathetic, and offer little conversational value.
My personal take: I learnt that I don't need a woman to be my intellectual equal and philosophical conversation buddy, in part because I already have friends and colleagues for this. Although,
that's truly an individual choice. I have a friend who is incredibly smart and curious and would quickly get bored without being able to have really engaging conversations with his girlfriend.
Value Alignment and Priorities
So, what issues are
truly essential to agree on? And what is
simply desirable? I can't say. Only you can decide that for yourself.
I'll share some personal examples to illustrate. When I was ready to get married and have kids, I was up front with every woman I met, in that -- if they asked me what I was looking for -- I told them the following in so many words: "one of my life goals is to have a family including children, but only with the right person at the right time, so I'm good either way with whatever happens". Some women responded very well to this, while others were turned off and, despite my very laid back attitude and genuine lack of neediness, said I was "too serious". Cool. No worries.
When I was dating my wife I asked her how she felt about having children, and she said
"a baby is a blessing". This warmed my heart immeasurably.
This contrasted sharply with my previous EXs who wanted to get their career sorted first, do more travelling, etc. This issue, along with the topic of abortion, was my personal deal breaker. I was tired of meeting and dating women, even supposed conservative ladies who wanted kids "one day". So I held my ground. For this resolve, I am now blessed with children, and my children have a very nurturing mother.
Contrast this with topics such as the clot shot. Some context - I got fired for not taking it. This decision caused huge damage to my career, my family relationships, etc. So I had a very strong personal opinion about it. But I didn't expect my wife to be redpilled about the vx (especially considering
batch-dependent effects, which means not all previously jabbed people are condemned so to speak). This applied even moreso to topics such as flouride, microplastics, the homo agenda, central bank digital currencies, etc. I have now schooled her -- slowly, step by step -- about all these topics. But in the initial screening phase, I viewed knowledge or positions on these issues as
merely desirable, but not essential. I'd probably still be single and childless if I held such strict standards for all potential wifey prospects.
What was more important to me, was her heart, rather than her knowledge of the world.
Some Reasons 'against'
Nonetheless, I would suggest that, in general, screening
IN a woman who is agreeable, and is willing and able to follow your lead, is likely to be more important than screening
OUT a woman for not having "based" opinions. This is especially relevant for opinions that relate to politics, society, and other areas that we cannot influence directly.
Women's opinions are notoriously fickle, dependent on hormonal fluctuations, and in many cases, clearly delusional. If a particular woman is beautiful, this delusion will be exacerbated.
What's more, their attitudes and beliefs also tend to be highly amenable to change in the consistent and close presence of a strong male, notably the man who she marries.
(Side note. The only adult group with more fickle opinions are guys trying to get laid. They will do everything possible to avoid disagreeing with a woman who they are trying to sleep with).
On a daily basis, adult women have debilitating difficulties in deciding what to eat. Yet apparently they know what's best for society?
A woman who is largely apolitical may,
may give you less headaches over time because it is *possible* that she'll be less inclined to
(a) inject impractical big-picture ideals into your real relationship,
(b) have strong opinions in general, and
(c) deflect from her personal failings by finding fault in broader systems.
In contrast, a woman who shares
very strong opinions about a range of topics, even if you happen to agree with many of them right now, presents a possible risk to your mental health and wellbeing over the course of your potential marriage. This may increase the risk of nagging and the struggle for power about other issues. Sadly, the average married man will tend to identify with one of the birds in this picture.
But if you're reading this, you're not just an average guy, are you?
Personality Characteristics and Political Attitudes
Some personality traits tend to be correlated with political opinions. The causal and bidirectional nature of these relationships are
still up for debate, however depression and especially anxiety
is commonly found to correlate with leftist beliefs. Although personality characteristics
can change, they tend to be more stable over time compared to political attitudes.
To learn more about the personality trait of agreeableness,
this page provides a fair overview.
Relevance to CIK Readers
The above points are important for men to consider, especially those who are single, for several reasons:
1. Many single intelligent conservative men tend to hold a lot of idealistic values. This can mean that they will screen out a perfectly reasonable woman, who could have been suitable as a wife, because the woman's stated opinions about the world and society were not "right" when they first met them. It's also possible for young men to screen out women who are simply ignorant.
2. Even young feminine conservative women will still have many unrealistic ideals, counter-productive attitudes, or simply a lack of knowledge, all of which you'll need to address as part of your relationship in the longer-term.
3. This is especially important to consider if you're trying to seek out the absolute best looking woman you can get. I don't recommend this strategy for marriage and kids, although I absolutely understand why men will try this strategy. Indeed I tried it for many years. But aiming for the hottest partner possible means even more issues relating to setting the frame, being respected, etc.
4. Sometimes hard screening and a long list of requirements can represent a deflection of responsibility.
A friendly reminder - you are responsible for becoming a man worthy of being followed. A relationship is a two-way street on which value is shared. It's unreasonable to expect a woman to follow you, regardless of your behaviour, just because she is feminine. It's not realistic to find a woman who is submissive by nature, and expect her to follow your lead at all times, just because she has a largely agreeable personality. Some tips on how to lead follow in this video:
Caveats and Trade-Offs
- Of course, it is possible for a mentally ill green-haired leftist to be highly agreeable. In many cases, highly neurotic left-wing women and men are drawn to hysterical hoaxes such as coofid and climate change for many reasons, some of them are because they get an outlet for their neuroses and because they can feel part of the crowd. People-pleasing and going along with popular trends are the go-to approaches for many women, as a way to be accepted in the "in-groups" of choice. They will have a very hard time standing up to any government overreach.
- Indeed, being agreeable may be a necessary albeit far from sufficient quality to determine suitability in a mate. There are many traits to consider, e.g: trustworthiness and diligence, which are empirically linked to relationship success.
Wearing your Heart on Your Sleeve vs Keeping your Cards Close to your Chest
- There are pros and cons to laying it all on the table from day one, as in, verbally outlining what you're seeking in a relationship and what you're about. In some cases, this can work very well, especially when there is a solid bedrock of compatible values based on Christian ethos. This can be a highly efficient approach that will immediately screen out 99% of unsuitable women. There is a great example in this thread from the Don of CIK demonstrating how this can work.
That said, this experience seems to be the exception to the norm. Further explanations on the potential drawbacks of this approach follow.
A Woman's Niceness may Reflect her Attraction to you and/or Her Own Relationship Strategy
- In the early, courting stage of the relationship, a woman may submit to a man because of her high level of attraction to him. I encourage ALL MEN to watch this video to understand the importance of the concept of the "lens of attraction":
- Just like this next video (which makes women rage, "so men just want a slave!!"
)... I've had women treat me very well in the initial courting phase, when they were highly attracted. However, this treatment seems to be temporary in almost all cases. I believe this reflects human nature, not necessarily a problem with women per se. However it is important to understand and accept the inevitable movement of key phases in a relationships (attraction, infatuation, attachment, love, commitment, etc).
As noted above, many women will tend to move closer towards the interests and attitudes of their man over time, assuming he is masculine. If this is inevitable, then men must consider how their lifestyle presents an opportunity for women to fit into.
- Early on in the courtship, being somewhat of a mystery
can be useful for both maintaining interest and gleaning information. Above all, it allows the woman to reveal more of herself to you. If you present an exterior perception of being non-judgemental, the woman will be more likely to reveal things about herself, things which she otherwise wouldn't have shared if she thought you would be judging her, especially from a "harsh" Christian viewpoint. I've had many women screen themselves out of being a longterm prospect by allowing them to reveal their "party girl" ways early on.
- To be worthy of respect, a man cannot get lazy. One central concept to take home is to understand how important attraction is, and to avoid being complacent in maintaining her attraction to you over time. Regardless of age, change is inevitable. Her attraction and submission to you is likely to change over time. But with ongoing discipline, in most circumstances your leadership can be maintained indefinitely.
- Along with being young, thin and pretty, being nice can be a superpower for women. And the smart ones know it. East Asian women are particularly adept at putting on a pleasing, nice presentation to hook their man and, as the ladies say, "appeal to his ego". So, a woman being nice to you may or may not mean she is genuinely attracted and respects you. This could simply be her "game".
Every Choice Represents a Trade-off
Some women who are highly agreeable can also have corresponding dark sides.
- High agreeableness tends to be linked to problems with assertively communicating one's own needs.
- This may reflect a kind of trauma response, whereby the woman in her earlier years had to repress her own needs and emotions to survive or get along with her family or others.
- Withheld emotions and thoughts can manifest in hidden resentment and passive aggression.
- In addition, women often expect men to be "mind readers" which tends to frustrate the men involved.
Age Matters
The older a woman is, the less adaptable she will be. There seems to be a general consensus that core brain development continues into the mid-20s (
source). Further, most measures of cognitive function (fluid intelligence) decline throughout adulthood, except world knowledge (crystallized intelligence), which tends to improve into middle age (
source).
Although we have the power to maintain our cognitive function, and make drastic changes to our lives all throughout adulthood (
source), one central takeaway is that the age of the woman is a key variable relating to her attitudes and beliefs.
- You met a 20-year-old? She is likely to change considerably by the time she is mid-30s, especially under the strong leadership of a reliable, wise man.
- You Met a 35-year-old? Well, she will largely be set in her ways. In this case, let's hope that...
Your age matters too. If you're a younger guy then you have more time for the discovery and screening process. A guy in his early 20s has years to spend on very slow courtship at his local church. In this context, it can take literally YEARS before a potential couple start officially dating. On the other hand, if you're an older guy, you may not have the luxury of all this time. Considering your own age and life stage is central to establishing a suitable screening and courting approach.
Selection is very, very VERY important. It is likely to be the most critical choice of all.
Screening hard before committing is non-negotiable for your wellbeing moving forward. Proper screening will likely remove the majority of problems that otherwise would or could not be fixed with any reasonable amount of leadership, behavioural molding, environmental changes, etc. So take your time to screen, and remember to
do hard things together.
Conclusion
In closing, it may be useful to consider our natural inclination to screen out a woman rather quickly because of opinions she shared after chatting for several weeks or months, let alone a few moments or days after meeting. A man may miss out on a potential long term prospect by taking their silly little opinions too seriously or by asking too much for her to even be informed.
Conversely, it's also possible to waste a huge amount of time trying to influence someone with incompatible values or with a misaligned heart. For your must-have values, you are likely to save time, a lot of time, by being upfront about this (in a relaxed way).
Only you can decide what values are essential or merely desirable to you, and what deals you're willing to accept. Thomas Sowell may have been referring to socio-political ideology when he said
the following words, but it is equally applicable to choosing a spouse: "
There are no solutions. There are only trade-offs."
I hope this helps some readers. Gents, all the best.
