Whore addiction

[Recovering]

After attempting to find the Lord and failing I fell into a state of loneliness because of the strict rules on celibacy. I reversed course and went wildly in the other direction and as an older man I began a relationship with a 24 year old woman who is promiscuous and works as a stripper. At first nothing would happen, but I got to know her and we began a sexual relationship. This entire scenario reminds of how much I’ve fallen, I remember I was the one who pushed everything, like evil spirits were guiding me.

We began having sex with protection, then one day out of the blue like a demon was speaking through me I said do you want to have sex without a condom, she says…yes of course we can do that. I warned myself I should be careful but I wasn’t and busted inside her. Now the scenario plays out exactly the same, she comes to my place or we meet somewhere and we have sex. The first time she was nonchalant and said oh don’t worry I’ll just go get plan B tomorrow, now she doesn’t even mention it and accepts my seed no questions asked.

I feel shame for what I am doing, but I can not stop. I confessed and my priest gave me such lame advice like chastity is important, yes father I know but what do you expect with these stupid rules on celibacy? We are told to procreate but the church woman are usually old and ugly or prudish. I would rather have kids and if it takes having them with a hot but promiscuous women so it is, I feel depressed and in the gutter my brothers in Christ but this is where I stand. I will keep having sex as a man should and avoid these strict rules and get nothing instead. The monk and priest life is for the very few and they have failed miserably too

 

[M.Balakirev]

After attempting to find the Lord and failing I fell into a state of loneliness because of the strict rules on celibacy. I reversed course and went wildly in the other direction and as an older man I began a relationship with a 24 year old woman who is promiscuous and works as a stripper. At first nothing would happen, but I got to know her and we began a sexual relationship. This entire scenario reminds of how much I’ve fallen, I remember I was the one who pushed everything, like evil spirits were guiding me.

We began having sex with protection, then one day out of the blue like a demon was speaking through me I said do you want to have sex without a condom, she says…yes of course we can do that. I warned myself I should be careful but I wasn’t and busted inside her. Now the scenario plays out exactly the same, she comes to my place or we meet somewhere and we have sex. The first time she was nonchalant and said oh don’t worry I’ll just go get plan B tomorrow, now she doesn’t even mention it and accepts my seed no questions asked.

I feel shame for what I am doing, but I can not stop. I confessed and my priest gave me such lame advice like chastity is important, yes father I know but what do you expect with these stupid rules on celibacy? We are told to procreate but the church woman are usually old and ugly or prudish. I would rather have kids and if it takes having them with a hot but promiscuous women so it is, I feel depressed and in the gutter my brothers in Christ but this is where I stand. I will keep having sex as a man should and avoid these strict rules and get nothing instead. The monk and priest life is for the very few and they have failed miserably too

I feel your pain. I've learned to go without, not because I'm not an incel, but because there are no suitable women out there for me personally at my age, so I go without. I'm simply not compatible with the vast majority of Protestant women because we are poles apart day-to-day and I couldn't stand the compromises we'd have to make because of modern day living, culture and tastes. And the good ones have all gone. And I don't want to be a means to an end and settled with either....there's too much of that, which is why IMO, prostitution in some ways is more sincere than many marriages.

I believe fornication to be a giving in to temptations by Demons which is why it is so critical to abstain from it as part of sanctification. I know the great Holy men and monks from times gone by took celibacy very seriously, but at the same time, this was perhaps easier for them to do than the average man, never mind a high-T man, as it's possible many of them had a lower sex-drive and of course if they were virgins, they're not going to miss something they've never tried.

If fornication were allowed, I'd do it in a controlled manner from time to time, but I understand why it is forbidden.

We'll pray for you.

 

[Recovering]

I feel your pain. I've learned to go without, not because I'm not an incel, but because there are no suitable women out there for me personally at my age, so I go without. I'm simply not compatible with the vast majority of Protestant women because we are poles apart day-to-day and I couldn't stand the compromises we'd have to make because of modern day living, culture and tastes. And the good ones have all gone. And I don't want to be a means to an end and settled with either....there's too much of that, which is why IMO, prostitution in some ways is more sincere than many marriages.

I believe fornication to be a giving in to temptations by Demons which is why it is so critical to abstain from it as part of sanctification. I know the great Holy men and monks from times gone by took celibacy very seriously, but at the same time, this was perhaps easier for them to do than the average man, never mind a high-T man, as it's possible many of them had a lower sex-drive and of course if they were virgins, they're not going to miss something they've never tried.

If fornication were allowed, I'd do it in a controlled manner from time to time, but I understand why it is forbidden.

We'll pray for you.

Thank you for the prayers, once you enter this cycle it is hard to get out, but it is where I am right now. Things change and the celibate monks of the past lives in a different time. Their words are no longer relevant in these times. Imagine if they dropped 5 million smart phones into middle age Europe? We must adapt to the times. It’s ludicrous to me that they give this advice when they are not bombarded by scantily clad women and the internet. The 20 year old virgin will never come it is but a pipe dream, for men over 30. I laugh at these posts by men in this thread saying they went on so many dates all great younger women or all this interest, ok but why are you guys still single? Because the system is dead. A date means nothing. I will pray for you too brother.

 

[Samseau]

This thread is for men who are addicted to whores, and need help quitting.

 

[Samseau]

After attempting to find the Lord and failing I fell into a state of loneliness because of the strict rules on celibacy. I reversed course and went wildly in the other direction and as an older man I began a relationship with a 24 year old woman who is promiscuous and works as a stripper. At first nothing would happen, but I got to know her and we began a sexual relationship. This entire scenario reminds of how much I’ve fallen, I remember I was the one who pushed everything, like evil spirits were guiding me.

We began having sex with protection, then one day out of the blue like a demon was speaking through me I said do you want to have sex without a condom, she says…yes of course we can do that. I warned myself I should be careful but I wasn’t and busted inside her. Now the scenario plays out exactly the same, she comes to my place or we meet somewhere and we have sex. The first time she was nonchalant and said oh don’t worry I’ll just go get plan B tomorrow, now she doesn’t even mention it and accepts my seed no questions asked.

I feel shame for what I am doing, but I can not stop. I confessed and my priest gave me such lame advice like chastity is important, yes father I know but what do you expect with these stupid rules on celibacy? We are told to procreate but the church woman are usually old and ugly or prudish. I would rather have kids and if it takes having them with a hot but promiscuous women so it is, I feel depressed and in the gutter my brothers in Christ but this is where I stand. I will keep having sex as a man should and avoid these strict rules and get nothing instead. The monk and priest life is for the very few and they have failed miserably too

So, first off, how much money are you wasting on this whore?

Second, it's just a matter of time before you contract a terrible STD. Think of your health.

Getting yourself a real woman over a whore is 1000x better than what you are doing now. Just get a girlfriend aka concubine, men of the Bible have had concubines for centuries. Concubinage is sinful but not even close to the level of using whores, and there is always the chance of marriage with a concubine.

I agree it takes Godlike will not to give into sexual temptations nowadays, but that doesn't mean you need to resort to whores. Start by quitting porn and whores, find a real woman as a girlfriend instead. No different than breaking an alcohol addiction. Quitting cold turkey isn't going to work.

 

[Blade Runner]

I believe fornication to be a giving in to temptations by Demons which is why it is so critical to abstain from it as part of sanctification. I know the great Holy men and monks from times gone by took celibacy very seriously, but at the same time, this was perhaps easier for them to do than the average man, never mind a high-T man, as it's possible many of them had a lower sex-drive and of course if they were virgins, they're not going to miss something they've never tried.

It is. If I'm honest, I agree with you in that there is a major conflict with knowing what the church teaches (and that it is good), and wanting to participate in the church, but also in being constantly tempted with something that is considered very serious and something that on average, one is unlikely to cease engaging in if not 65 or older for many reasons. We also who are good with analysis and know the differences in the ages of history can easily rationalize this, which doesn't do anyone any good, ultimately, even if it is more realistic. I feel exactly the same way. I feel bad that I have been remorseful in the past and struggle to think that I'm not full of crap when I say I'm sorry since deep down I have this (fallen) inkling that eventually I'll fall again, using whatever excuse. I can at least hope that it's the struggle that matters, since I find the realities of being someone that MB indicates (in shape, higher T, long time denying yourself, etc) being seemingly ridiculous to have no outlet. I do think the proper way to look at it is that God doesn't remove the lust because it is something one must learn to master. When you realize it will never be removed, you have to get crafty in your approach to avoid it, and that is very difficult.

Their words are no longer relevant in these times.

That's not true, it's just a lot harder.

Because the system is dead. A date means nothing.

That is true.

Right or wrong, I don't see women as being very serious or with much agency, as I see them 99% do what the current debased society tells them to. I'm not trying to go too far with this, but the bigger mistakes are when you are dealing with women who actually have integrity, which are rare, but they are around. I find the promiscuous ones just wanting to party and have benefits all the time, without any skin of the game, and they will pay a price. That price is that no one owes them anything, and they are going to be in at best less than ideal situations moving ahead, if not totally alone - that's the price you pay for having fun now without regard for men and your own future. This is a nuanced point but I don't see anything that happens to them to be any tragedy. The part you have to look at for your own life is what you engage in, and what you are risking. As Samseau says, and I think he sorta agrees with me, the bigger implication is disease and/or children risks with a bad future, or with "parents" who really shouldn't be (for the kid's sake).

 

[GodfatherPartTwo]

Things change and the celibate monks of the past lives in a different time. Their words are no longer relevant in these times.

There's nothing new under the sun. And I am not advocating you to follow a monk for it's own sake. But almost everytime I have been tempted to sin in a grievous way, some passage of Scripture seared my conscience too much for me to go through with it.

In this case, Paul saying: Do not be deceived, fornicators will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

You are going to do what you will, you know that you should repent and make the situation right, but let the Word of God guide you and change you.

 

[SkiPro]

Going to drop this here, not because I necessarily agree with it but because I heard it the other day and it's an interesting thought experiment.

Busy and successful men throughout time have used whores. The reason that was given for this is that busy and successful men have only a limited amount of time and going through the hassle of trying to find a decent women, taking her on date(s), hoping to find one that isn't ruined or will sleep with him is considered not a good use of his precious time.

Furthermore, with modern divorce laws the way they are now, why would a successful man choose to have a common law or regular marriage?

Therefore, to drop 1000dollars on a high end whore gives him a guaranteed result and everyone gets what they want, with no loss of time better spent elsewhere.

Given what is written on this forum about the absolute state of modern women in the west and elsewhere AND making yourself a better man but pursuing your own aims, is it any wonder that some men choose this as a neat solution to their needs?

To restate, this is not my opinion and I am not advocating it, I just thought it was an interesting take.

 

[Recovering]

Going to drop this here, not because I necessarily agree with it but because I heard it the other day and it's an interesting thought experiment.

Busy and successful men throughout time have used whores. The reason that was given for this is that busy and successful men have only a limited amount of time and going through the hassle of trying to find a decent women, taking her on date(s), hoping to find one that isn't ruined or will sleep with him is considered not a good use of his precious time.

Furthermore, with modern divorce laws the way they are now, why would a successful man choose to have a common law or regular marriage?

Therefore, to drop 1000dollars on a high end whore gives him a guaranteed result and everyone gets what they want, with no loss of time better spent elsewhere.

Given what is written on this forum about the absolute state of modern women in the west and elsewhere AND making yourself a better man but pursuing your own aims, is it any wonder that some men choose this as a nest solution to their needs?

To restate, this is not my opinion and I am not advocating it, I just thought it was an interesting take.

Yes, it is not as black and white. I am a high income individual in that I earn between 150 - 200k per year depending on my yearly bonus. I don’t like jumping through hoops, or wasting my time. The truth is I can put up an online dating profile and get matched with women who aren’t as attractive or young, church was a wasteland. I am trying to quit and pray, I tell my priest. To the mod, I probably spent a few thousand when I met her in the club, but she doesn’t ask for anything outside, except I take her out to nice dinners and restaurants. I don’t care about the money.

 

[Recovering]

There's nothing new under the sun. And I am not advocating you to follow a monk for it's own sake. But almost everytime I have been tempted to sin in a grievous way, some passage of Scripture seared my conscience too much for me to go through with it.

In this case, Paul saying: Do not be deceived, fornicators will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

You are going to do what you will, you know that you should repent and make the situation right, but let the Word of God guide you and change you.

What do you recommend when the urge is strong? I tried to read scripture but I still fail.

 

[Iacobus]

It's tough and there are better men suited to advise you than me. The only thing I want to say to you is that like with any addiction, the key is... you have to WANT to stop. And I don't get the impression that you want to stop, even though your conscience is telling you that you ought to. So I would reflect and try to address that because if you skip that step of correctly aligning your motivation then you're not going to get anywhere.

 

[GodfatherPartTwo]

What do you recommend when the urge is strong? I tried to read scripture but I still fail.

Make your paths straight. If you struggle with alcoholism, do not go to the bar. If you struggle with lust, do not go to the club. We don't want to do the right thing but we must do it even when we don't want to.

In the case of knocking up a woman, the right thing to do is marry her.

 

[Samseau]

Going to drop this here, not because I necessarily agree with it but because I heard it the other day and it's an interesting thought experiment.

Busy and successful men throughout time have used whores. The reason that was given for this is that busy and successful men have only a limited amount of time and going through the hassle of trying to find a decent women, taking her on date(s), hoping to find one that isn't ruined or will sleep with him is considered not a good use of his precious time.

Furthermore, with modern divorce laws the way they are now, why would a successful man choose to have a common law or regular marriage?

Therefore, to drop 1000dollars on a high end whore gives him a guaranteed result and everyone gets what they want, with no loss of time better spent elsewhere.

Given what is written on this forum about the absolute state of modern women in the west and elsewhere AND making yourself a better man but pursuing your own aims, is it any wonder that some men choose this as a nest solution to their needs?

To restate, this is not my opinion and I am not advocating it, I just thought it was an interesting take.

This is all true, and, logically, the end game of the sexual revolution is a world built on whoring.

Promiscuity destroys culture until nothing is left except the transactional nature of sex, i.e. money for sex. Promiscuity results in women demanding more protection from divorce, which destroys marriages, and without strong protections against adultery what incentive is there to marry? Divorce is expensive, cheaper to whoremonger.

Recovery, you are wrong about one key point - this has happened before. This is exactly how the end of Rome happened. Whoring was absolutely rampant between 200-300 AD within the Roman empire, and it result in the extinction of the Roman people. That's why Latin disappeared. This HAS occurred before, and the result was the domination of the Christian Church over the ashes of Rome.

The main obvious reasons to avoid whores are for health or saving money. However, if you are wealthy, you can get around these problems. While whores are filthy animals that will eventually give you a terrible disease, you can get around this as a wealthy man by just buying exclusive rights to her, i.e. a certain amount of money per month for an exchange of her staying at your place every night or whatever. Basically building a harem.

The only real reason to avoid whores is for your SOUL, there isn't any other good reason if you have enough money. Purchasing love for money is cancer for your soul and will result in damnation. You are separating yourself from God by denying any possibility of love with a normal woman who can give you a family, and because sex binds one's soul to the person you have sex with; sex with a whore inevitably invites demons into your soul and mind.

(For those who are reading: Porn is almost just as bad, spiritually. And you don't even get the satisfaction of having the whore in question! Avoid porn always!)

Recovery, you need to commit yourself to finding a normal woman. If you are wealthy as you say you are, it should not be any problem to get a normal woman. But in order to that, you will need to break things off with the whore. Don't keep going back to her, it's like heroin at this point.

Sure, she's hotter than other women you could date. But you can still find attractive women to date - first you gotta break things off. Eventually your mind will return to normal and you will find normal women attractive again. You can easily date women 15-20 years younger than you.

Every time you feel tempted to go back to the whore, say the Jesus prayer,

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Put thoughts of the whore away, and delete her number. Your soul's salvation is far more important than an orgaism. You are already confessing, which is excellent, so now the next step is to pray, pray harder than you've ever prayed before. There are even Saints who have gone through what you've gone through before, see for example St. Nephon: http://www.orthodoxriver.org/akathist/static/St_Nephon_-_English.pdf

You can do it brother, we are praying for you here!

 

[M.Balakirev]

Thank you for the prayers, once you enter this cycle it is hard to get out, but it is where I am right now. Things change and the celibate monks of the past lives in a different time. Their words are no longer relevant in these times. Imagine if they dropped 5 million smart phones into middle age Europe? We must adapt to the times. It’s ludicrous to me that they give this advice when they are not bombarded by scantily clad women and the internet. The 20 year old virgin will never come it is but a pipe dream, for men over 30. I laugh at these posts by men in this thread saying they went on so many dates all great younger women or all this interest, ok but why are you guys still single? Because the system is dead. A date means nothing. I will pray for you too brother.

If it's any consolation, having sexual relations with others and going with prostitutes doesn't lead to anything. Having genuine mutual love and affection for one another is infinitely better, and it's best people meet when they're young before they are corrupted and set in their ways. Yourself, me, and many here are in this difficult situation where we should be settled with someone, as sanctioned by God, but the complications of a divided world has aided this unfortunate situation for us. In my case, not going to church in my youth, being a late developer, lacking confidence, being on the fence with Christianity when given a legitimate first chance, and then looking in the wrong places simply because the women were in abundance, only to discover that they either had children, had mental illnesses, played games because they could (instant red flag) or were street wise alpha widows looking to settle with nothing in common.

Going by accounts, at least we know that abstaining from sexual activity, be it masturbation, watching porn or fornication isn't a psy-op to keep us gentiles in check. In fact it's encouraged, so that we become more depraved in the flesh because people are looking for the next hit, and in so doing become potentially more unsuitable for marriage.

There was an account by a monk (Conferences VIII, 12. 16; Russian translations of Bishop Peter, Moscow, 1892) that:

"When one of our brethren was travelling in this desert, having found a certain cave after nightfall, he stopped there and wished to perform the evening prayer in it. While he was singing psalms according custom, the time passed and it was already after midnight. After finishing the rule of prayer, desiring to rest his exhausted body a little, he lay down and suddenly began to see innumerable hordes of demons coming together from all directions; coming in endless file and a very long row, some preceded their chief, while others followed him. Finally came the prince, who both taller than in size and more frightful in appearance. After a throne had been placed, he sat down upon an elevated tribunal and with careful investigation, began to examine the activity of each one. Those who said that they had not yet been able to seduce their antagonists he ordered to be banished from his sight with reproof and abuse, as inactive and careless, reproaching them with a roar of rage that they had wasted so much time and labour for nothing. But those who declared that they had seduced those assigned to them he let go with great honours, to the enthusiasm and acclaim of all, as most courageous warriors, glorified as an example for all".

"One most evil spirit from among their number stepped forth and reported with evil joy, as of an illustrious victory, that he had finally conquered a well-known monk, whose name he gave, after fifteen years of ceaselessly tempting him, having enticed him this very night into fornication..... At this report there was extraordinary hilarity among everyone, and he departed, exalted by the high praises of the prince of darkness and crowned with glory. With the approach of dawn, all this multitude of demons vanished from sight."

Later the brother who witnessed this spectacle learned that the report of the fallen monk was indeed true.

Also, there was a struggling Catholic guy on RVF (Anonymous Bosch I think it was) who had an issue with fornication and he and his priest believed that many women who have been around can indeed spread demons on to the unsuspecting.

I still believe that if a man has good market value (I hate using that term with regards to our faith, but that's reality), then if he has faith, God will provide that man with the right woman. The problem seems to be the numbers.....they are so few and far between it takes something miraculous to make it happen. A Christian friend in his mid forties who is solvent and all round good guy for all of his adult life met a truly lovey girl about ten years younger, so God does perform miracles for those who wait and are true to him.

 

[Recovering]

I texted her and told her that I didn’t feel right continuing doing what we were doing, she was very nice about it. Now I must resist going back. The good news is if I don’t put myself in those environments or situations the odds of me succumbing are low. I stay to myself, rarely go out. Part of it is just loneliness and finding friends, but a spiritual routine, here’s the problem. Most of my time is spent in the world, my priest recommended a daily mass but here’s how the day goes:

Mass, go to work surrounded by atheists, go to workout, more temptation at gym, home by myself. Repeat.

I have no friends in my church since it is overly cultural and Hispanic.

I may need a monastic retreat to break myself of this but I don’t want to quit my job.

About demons, my priest said something similar that I have to be wary of what these women have spiritually.

I have never had an std and gotten tested using the full panel 5 times in the last year.

I fail in prayer, I actually bought a prayer book of the Orthodox variety.

I feel like a failure for continuing to succumb.

Have saints really done similar things I find it hard to believe.

My faith is also weak, I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

 

[Iacobus]

I feel like a failure for continuing to succumb.

Have saints really done similar things I find it hard to believe.

My faith is also weak, I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

Mary of Egypt - OrthodoxWiki

orthodoxwiki.org

RE: going through the motions, that's a part of the process of spiritual growth. I really relate to that feeling so I know where you're coming from. Think of it like going to the gym... if you're weak and scrawny, or grossly overweight, when you start going to the gym you might feel like it's hopeless and you're not making any progress, and it might be true at first. But it's going through those motions, just going in there and learning the exercises and trying them even with a bare barbell, that begins to establish correct habits and form a foundation for true growth. As long as you stay consistent, one day you will look in the mirror and realize that you have made great strides, it is the same with the spiritual life, with the aid of God. It is the demons who want you to think that, because you are at perhaps a rote or mechanical stage of faith, that it is therefore meaningless and pointless, but it is a lie intended to stop your spiritual progress.

 

[Cornelius V.E.]

What do you recommend when the urge is strong? I tried to read scripture but I still fail.

To follow-up on Samseau's excellent advice, I recommend the following to all men struggling with lust and porn. These come in steps. If step 1, doesn't work, you go to step 2. If step 2 doesn't work, you go to step 3, etc. You keep fighting and bringing bigger and bigger weapons to the fight.

1) Avoid all places that tempt you. You wouldn't bring an alcoholic to a bar and offer him a drink, would you? Would you bring a fentanyl addict to go hang out with his dealer? If this means you need to get rid of your smart phone and buy an old Nokia, then do it.

2) The Jesus prayer. It breeds humility. Almost all sin comes from pride/ego, and only the humble man can enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Humility should be your goal. Through humility you will be able to overcome even the strongest temptations. Humility allows us to enter deeply into truth and reality.

3) Repeat in your mind the following and mean it from the heart: "In the most sacred name of Jesus, be gone from my mind, Satan!" and "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me and take from my mind these unworthy images and desires."

4) Drop on the ground and start doing prostrations while saying the Jesus prayer. Do at least 10 prostrations in a row, if not more. Not only does this bring the help of the grace of Christ, but it also helps redistribute blood flow in the body. It's effectively like doing burpees. Stand, drop to your knees, put your fists on the floor, and then bow your head to the ground. Stand up and repeat.

5) If you are in your house, take a cold shower.

6) As a last resort, carry a stick with you always. When the above steps somehow don't work, start beating your legs with a stick. Your mind will immediately focus on the pain, and you will no longer have to confront directly with the lust. This was a recommended practice of St. Joseph the Hesychast.

This worked for me in my early 20s as I was coming to Christ and trying desperately to overcome a porn/lust addiction I had developed since elementary school (I was first exposed to porn at like age 4) and had whores surrounding me in college. I've seen them work for other men as well. Thank God, He rewarded me with an amazing (and young/beautiful) wife almost a decade later after I was able to break my dopamine addiction and develop myself into a man able to attract such a woman. You have to want it, however, and you have to have faith and trust in Christ. He knows what is best for you and can lead you where you need to go, even in the most unexpected ways. Keep the thought of death and your judgement with you daily. When you die everything will be taken from you--your money, your possessions, your friends, your family, your health, your comforts, everything--and the only thing that will matter is your soul and your closeness to God. Ultimately, you also must lose attachment to outcomes. Great if God gives you a wife, but if he doesn't, you are grateful for your life and able to live joyfully and fully with Christ alone. Outcome independence will give you the inner strength to attract a high value woman--without it, good luck. When I met my wife, I had already long resolved that I would most likely become a monk and wasn't desperate at all. She could smell my total lack of desperation.

Finally, while the 6 steps above can serve as an actionable battle plan for you or others when needed, much of the victory comes through preparation. Cultivate honest, simple living. If your job, for example, is super complicated and full of fakery/politics, then pursue some more honest trade. Fast on Wednesdays and Fridays (fasting helps you to develop a deep trust in God and spiritual discipline over your bodily desires). Take cold showers and do hard manual labor or workouts. Do hard stuff that develops your physical and spiritual strength and discipline. Cultivate a spirit of gratitude by thanking God for several things each day during your prayer rule. And as I started, so shall I end: focus on ways to cultivate humility. The proud and egotistical man will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.

God help you. I know you are not Orthodox, but if you were, your priest would likely assign you a penance of something like 100 prostrations per day, 100 Jesus Prayers per day, and reading Psalm 50 twice per day (in protestant Bibles Psalm 51). Penances are not legalistic requirements, but rather tools to help you heal from your afflictions. Pray, pray, pray. And then go work. You have much work to do, and the end is sooner than you think.

PS, don't even think of marrying this girl. Marrying an unrepentant whore will be a disaster. Your likely path is marriage, but you will only become worthy of that after you've improved yourself in other ways. Imagine you meet the woman you want: would she be willing to marry and make a life-long commitment to a porn addict or whore addict? Of course not. Would she understand if it's been a few years since you engaged in these soul-destroying activities, and if you had transformed yourself through hard work and God's grace? Very possibly. But without this repentance, you will never have what you want, you will always feel emptiness, and ultimately you will end up miserable. Stop making excuses for weakness and start begging God for help.

 

[Cornelius V.E.]

I texted her and told her that I didn’t feel right continuing doing what we were doing, she was very nice about it. Now I must resist going back. The good news is if I don’t put myself in those environments or situations the odds of me succumbing are low. I stay to myself, rarely go out. Part of it is just loneliness and finding friends, but a spiritual routine, here’s the problem. Most of my time is spent in the world, my priest recommended a daily mass but here’s how the day goes:

Mass, go to work surrounded by atheists, go to workout, more temptation at gym, home by myself. Repeat.

I have no friends in my church since it is overly cultural and Hispanic.

I may need a monastic retreat to break myself of this but I don’t want to quit my job.

About demons, my priest said something similar that I have to be wary of what these women have spiritually.

I have never had an std and gotten tested using the full panel 5 times in the last year.

I fail in prayer, I actually bought a prayer book of the Orthodox variety.

I feel like a failure for continuing to succumb.

Have saints really done similar things I find it hard to believe.

My faith is also weak, I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

Don't go to the gym anymore. Your body needs physical activity, and so if you want to workout because your job doesn't involve sufficient physical activity, then go to a calisthenics park and do calisthenics instead. Many calisthenics athletes are significantly more strong and aesthetic than gym bros. And girls don't care how big you are as long as you have a bit of muscle and are lean. Most men in history who were athletes trained in calisthenics outside listening to birdsong and wind through the trees instead of ZOG-rap. For an introduction to calisthenics, check out bar brothers, Fitness FAQs, and k boges on YouTube.

If you want a prayer to try to read apart of each day, I recommend the Canon of Repentance of St. Andrew of Crete. We Orthodox say it during the 1st and 5th week of Great Lent. Also the prayer of St. Ephraim the Syrian.

If you have access to a monastery that you could take a weekend trip to, then go. In my experience, monasteries that aren't Orthodox are not very ascetic, however. I would recommend trying to go to a solid Orthodox monastery if it's possible.

Yes, many saints (both officially canonized ones and unknown ones) have gone through exactly what you're struggling with and have transformed their lives through repentance.

 

[Recovering]

To follow-up on Samseau's excellent advice, I recommend the following to all men struggling with lust and porn. These come in steps. If step 1, doesn't work, you go to step 2. If step 2 doesn't work, you go to step 3, etc. You keep fighting and bringing bigger and bigger weapons to the fight.

1) Avoid all places that tempt you. You wouldn't bring an alcoholic to a bar and offer him a drink, would you? Would you bring a fentanyl addict to go hang out with his dealer? If this means you need to get rid of your smart phone and buy an old Nokia, then do it.

2) The Jesus prayer. It breeds humility. Almost all sin comes from pride/ego, and only the humble man can enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Humility should be your goal. Through humility you will be able to overcome even the strongest temptations. Humility allows us to enter deeply into truth and reality.

3) Repeat in your mind the following and mean it from the heart: "In the most sacred name of Jesus, be gone from my mind, Satan!" and "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me and take from my mind these unworthy images and desires."

4) Drop on the ground and start doing prostrations while saying the Jesus prayer. Do at least 10 prostrations in a row, if not more. Not only does this bring the help of the grace of Christ, but it also helps redistribute blood flow in the body. It's effectively like doing burpees. Stand, drop to your knees, put your fists on the floor, and then bow your head to the ground. Stand up and repeat.

5) If you are in your house, take a cold shower.

6) As a last resort, carry a stick with you always. When the above steps somehow don't work, start beating your legs with a stick. Your mind will immediately focus on the pain, and you will no longer have to confront directly with the lust. This was a recommended practice of St. Joseph the Hesychast.

This worked for me in my early 20s as I was coming to Christ and trying desperately to overcome a porn/lust addiction I had developed since elementary school (I was first exposed to porn at like age 4) and had whores surrounding me in college. I've seen them work for other men as well. Thank God, He rewarded me with an amazing (and young/beautiful) wife almost a decade later after I was able to break my dopamine addiction and develop myself into a man able to attract such a woman. You have to want it, however, and you have to have faith and trust in Christ. He knows what is best for you and can lead you where you need to go, even in the most unexpected ways. Keep the thought of death and your judgement with you daily. When you die everything will be taken from you--your money, your possessions, your friends, your family, your health, your comforts, everything--and the only thing that will matter is your soul and your closeness to God. Ultimately, you also must lose attachment to outcomes. Great if God gives you a wife, but if he doesn't, you are grateful for your life and able to live joyfully and fully with Christ alone. Outcome independence will give you the inner strength to attract a high value woman--without it, good luck. When I met my wife, I had already long resolved that I would most likely become a monk and wasn't desperate at all. She could smell my total lack of desperation.

Finally, while the 6 steps above can serve as an actionable battle plan for you or others when needed, much of the victory comes through preparation. Cultivate honest, simple living. If your job, for example, is super complicated and full of fakery/politics, then pursue some more honest trade. Fast on Wednesdays and Fridays (fasting helps you to develop a deep trust in God and spiritual discipline over your bodily desires). Take cold showers and do hard manual labor or workouts. Do hard stuff that develops your physical and spiritual strength and discipline. Cultivate a spirit of gratitude by thanking God for several things each day during your prayer rule. And as I started, so shall I end: focus on ways to cultivate humility. The proud and egotistical man will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.

God help you. I know you are not Orthodox, but if you were, your priest would likely assign you a penance of something like 100 prostrations per day, 100 Jesus Prayers per day, and reading Psalm 50 twice per day (in protestant Bibles Psalm 51). Penances are not legalistic requirements, but rather tools to help you heal from your afflictions. Pray, pray, pray. And then go work. You have much work to do, and the end is sooner than you think.

PS, don't even think of marrying this girl. Marrying an unrepentant whore will be a disaster. Your likely path is marriage, but you will only become worthy of that after you've improved yourself in other ways. Imagine you meet the woman you want: would she be willing to marry and make a life-long commitment to a porn addict or whore addict? Of course not. Would she understand if it's been a few years since you engaged in these soul-destroying activities, and if you had transformed yourself through hard work and God's grace? Very possibly. But without this repentance, you will never have what you want, you will always feel emptiness, and ultimately you will end up miserable. Stop making excuses for weakness and start begging God for help.

Thank you for the post. I just did 100 prostrations and 100 Jesus prayers, I did the prostrations according to this video on YT. It took me 13 minutes and 16 seconds, as I did them listening to a Gregorian chant of Benedictine monks and timed it.



I can see how the prostrates will take away any feelings of lust since it was a bit of a workout.

Which is psalm 50 or 51? I don’t know the right one.

As I began the prostrations my mind was filled with doubt and I had thoughts like you’re an idiot, you’re a fool for doing this, they went away after I was around the middle 30s mark but I don’t know what that was about.

I had conversations to get this girl to quit the business and go to church, I don’t think she will. She said her dad would take her to church but then he died young. But that is not my job, I texted her today to end things so let me honor it, I must first focus on my own salvation before relapsing into this.

 

[TrainedLogosmotion]

What do you recommend when the urge is strong? I tried to read scripture but I still fail.

As someone who has struggled with whoredom all through my 20s in red lights districts around the world, and is still forever tempted by satan even by thoughts of apostasy just to break this one vow with God, I can relate to your struggle. I would say be careful with some of your thoughts because you seem to be in a danger zone here. You must turn to God.

In my opinion, and what has helped me in accordance with the extensive and weird rambling I've done on the Monk Mode Celibacy thread, is truly, actually believing and understanding the benefits to stopping this. We can't look at it as a deficit. It's a temptation that leads ultimately to nowhere but regrets and further repentance.

We have to truly, actually believe that giving this up will lead to something better. For most of us that's marriage and children as a pinnacle, but also many other things that glorify God. For those that have what it takes, remaining celibate or becoming a Monk is obviously an incredible feat, but it's obvious that many of us aren't at that level. Even with marriage and children, the idea would be to sublimate this passion rather than let it go wild with our wife.

I'd suggest developing a plan for yourself. Set goals. Write down what your life would be like in set intervals as you progress with giving up your whore addiction. Write the Blessings you would gain as you progress. Even secular NOFAP/Semen retention circles understand these things, but for us, it's even beyond that.

It's only going to work if you have faith and stick to a plan with goals. This is what I'm doing and I've been celibate now for three years and am on the tail end of destroying my porn/fap addiction also. Glory to God!