Monk Mode Celibacy

I think it can be good to view masturbation as a symptom. What I mean is, when we fall, particularly if it is repeatedly, we should ask what God is trying to get us to look at by permitting this.

If you look at it like a chronic cough, a cough is a symptom, you can suppress a cough, but suppressing the cough isn't going to route out the cause and you'll end up coughing anyway eventually. You can take the cough as a sign that you are probably sick and should investigate the cause.

In the secular NoFap community there is this sense that quitting masturbation is the main factor in attaining perfection. That it is the root, if not of everything then at least of a huge number of issues. But I think it is the other way around. It is the sore that opens and festers in a diseased soul, and to be healed we need to look deeply rather than superficially thinking we are healed just because the symptoms go away for a while.
 
Lawrence87 said:
I think it can be good to view masturbation as a symptom. What I mean is, when we fall, particularly if it is repeatedly, we should ask what God is trying to get us to look at by permitting this.

If you look at it like a chronic cough, a cough is a symptom, you can suppress a cough, but suppressing the cough isn't going to route out the cause and you'll end up coughing anyway eventually. You can take the cough as a sign that you are probably sick and should investigate the cause.

In the secular NoFap community there is this sense that quitting masturbation is the main factor in attaining perfection. That it is the root, if not of everything then at least of a huge number of issues. But I think it is the other way around. It is the sore that opens and festers in a diseased soul, and to be healed we need to look deeply rather than superficially thinking we are healed just because the symptoms go away for a while.
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At the end of the day, isn't pride the root of all sin? We choose masturbation, just like we choose gluttony or we choose to lie. Because we want the worldly benefits instead of trusting in God.

I recall Father Josiah Trenham said in one of his videos that even if all the demons in hell are tempting us, we still have the choice not to sin. With the Lord's help, nothing is impossible. So we need to put our full faith and trust in God, knowing that He loves us more than we can love ourselves.

For a long time it was hard for me to accept that chastity is really good for me, or in general that His law is what is best for us. It's hard to give up that pleasure and relief. But every single commandment from God is made to benefit us. If we reject this and think we know better than Him, we will fall. It took me countless failures to even start to learn that lesson, and I think that's why He keeps letting me fall.

So to root out masturbation or any sin, we need to trust God more than we trust ourselves. This is what I gather from Saint Paul when he talks about justification of faith apart from works. If you have the faith, the works, in this case our abstinence, will contingently and necessarily follow.
 
I think being watchful and observant is extremely important, because, althought it might seem prudish extremely small things can start the dominoes falling that lead to sin. So you have to be very careful about the kinds of entertainment you consume, the kinds of conversation you have etc. And I'm not saying just avoiding things with sex scenes or whatnot but even just foul language, obscene jokes and so forth.

This leads me to the second point. That this battle is not compartmentalised, though the strong sexual urges come and go, the behaviour and mindset that leads us to sin is our whole life. In order to win this fight we need to be resolute, and in this resolve realise that it is not singularly just resisting the urge to sin, we have to fight from the first line of defence. That means avoiding any kind of "innocent" things that ignite your lust, such as watching videos just because you are attracted to someone in them, or being involved with people who make foul jokes or talk crudely about sex. We have to fast and make an effort to ensure that we are continually struggling, if avoiding animal products is easy then add something else to your fasting regimen that you do struggle with etc. Find ways to do good charitable works. Be observant and realise, when you fall, what lay at the start of the chain that led you there.
 
I've also noticed the urge isn't always sexual per say, but in fact can be coming from an urge to 'self-sooth'. For example, when I've been very stressed or unwell, I have in the past turned to masturbation to alleviate my suffering.

This is obviously the wrong choice as it only provides a selfish short-term physical gratification and doesn't address the root of the issue or provide any true relief, only leading to shame, lethargy, etc and further descending and piling on top of whatever issue we are already dealing with.

Things like loneliness/self isolation/despair, lack of love/intimacy from a real partner, restlessness (and laying in bed as another poster mentioned) all fall in the same realm of giving rise to urges that aren't necessarily sexual but moreso self-soothing.

Of course this does not make it right, and I'm not trying to downplay it, so do not misunderstand my words. But I do not think that this is equivalent to watching porn and masturbating. There are certainly differences. I think what I'm talking about is more akin to the passion of dejection (sad/depressed/low spirits) + acedia (apathy/boredom) rather than lust.

For this specific urge that I'm referring to I think it's important to have learned habits that decrease stress, provide relief, and sooth us.

It would be helpful to have prayers of this nature immediately at our disposal as a reference, either in a prayer book, written down, printed out, etc, and keep them in an area where you are most vulnerable, let's say your bed, so maybe keep in your nightstand.

'Prayers for peace' for example are good to dissolve these issues. We need to turn to God when these urges come forward. ☦️ 🙏

I just wanted to highlight this because this particular type of urge isn't necessarily triggered by our lusts and it's easier to make excuses for it. It can happen without any sort of build up or mental imagery even, even if we had really been doing 'good' (no staring, no porn, no foul movies, nothing provocative etc) and had this type of thing under control, it can surprise us.

In addition to prayers as our first line of defense, of course it would be so much easier to turn to a wife for intimacy. For example our wife massaging our stomach, whispering kind words in our ear, cuddling us, taking care of us etc if we are sick or talking us through tough/stressful times when we need her love - this is soothing and makes us feel better. Man is not meant to be alone.

Other than that, a pet can be soothing. A warm bath. Certain alternative medicines. Massage therapy. Hymns. Etc etc. This battle is much harder if you are a single celibate man and you live completely alone, without even a pet, and say you combine that with a very stressful and demanding job, or if you're someone who is prone to sickness. It's not easy.

It's important that we remain extra vigilant and understand that something like masturbation may have roots in other types of passions or a blend of them. It helps to see where else our struggles lie/where we are actually spiritually weak and where we need to iron things out.
 
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Yes it is very true that we seek comfort in things. For me, I also do this with food. If I have a stressful day the odds of me getting a random snack to give me a dopamine hit are definitely increased.

As a convert to Christianity it has always been a bit hard for me to pin down the Holy Spirit and the role He plays in the Holy Trinity. Like I can get my mind around God the Father, and Christ, having taken flesh and given us His teachings in the Gospel is somewhat more easy to relate to. But I didn't really know who the Holy Spirit is. I was thinking about how He is referred to as the 'Comforter'. I think this is precisely what we need in those times when we seek solace in worldly things. We are always striving to find comfort, and I believe it is the Holy Spirit that we are seeking, we just misdirect or yearning towards other things. And the comfort of the Holy Spirit is something that can carry us through anything in this life. When we think of martyrs and those who faced torture and horrendous fates for Christ, it was the Comforter that got them through it. As Saint Seraphim of Sarov said, the aim of the Christian life is the acquisition of the Holy Spirit.

Also, I was thinking, in addition to my earlier post, how things have become so degraded in the modern world, that we regard being a prude as a negative. But we absolutely should value modesty, and react negatively to the provocation and sexualization of everything. Men should not fear being mocked as being a prude if we reject this over sexualized world. It's a good thing. Really people should be ashamed about how sexualized everything is, acting like randy monkeys all the time who can't think of anything beyond the most base and vile things. We as men should absolutely not be ashamed of being called a prude, and we should shame people who try to call us out as such.
 
Lawrence87 said:
He is referred to as the 'Comforter'. I think this is precisely what we need in those times when we seek solace in worldly things. We are always striving to find comfort, and I believe it is the Holy Spirit that we are seeking, we just misdirect or yearning towards other things. And the comfort of the Holy Spirit is something that can carry us through anything in this life. When we think of martyrs and those who faced torture and horrendous fates for Christ, it was the Comforter that got them through it. As Saint Seraphim of Sarov said, the aim of the Christian life is the acquisition of the Holy Spirit.
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Yes, this seems like the answer to what I was describing. Pray to the Holy Spirit to comfort you. 🙏 🕊
 
Orthodox Prayer to Find a Spouse:

All-Good and Merciful Lord, I know that any enduring happiness in my life dependeth upon my wholehearted love for Thee and upon mine actions according to Thy holy will in all things; wherefore, direct my soul, O God, and fill my heart. I seek to please Thee alone, for Thou art my Creator and my God. Preserve me from pride and self-love. Let reason, modesty and chastity adorn me. Idleness is hateful unto Thee and breedeth vice; grant unto me the inclination to be fruitful in labor, and bless Thou my work.

Thy law commandeth that man and wife live in chaste matrimonial union; wherefore lead me, Holy Father, to this blessed calling not for the satisfaction of passions but unto the fulfillment of Thy commandment; for Thou hast said that it is not good that man should live alone and, having created woman as his helper, Thou blessest them to be fruitful and multiply that they may fill the earth.

Hear my humble prayer, which ascendeth unto Thee from the depths of my heart: Grant unto me an honest and pious spouse that, through our love and harmony, together we may praise Thee, our Compassionate God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages.

Amen.
 
TrainedLogosmotion said:
not for the satisfaction of passions
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This is something I grapple with. When I ask myself if I want to be married, I will answer "yes, of course" but my motives are tainted by my years of enslavement to the passions. I don't think "yes, I want to be a father and shoulder the burden of responsibility that this entails", I think "yes it would be nice to be able to have sex again..." God forgive me. That is not to say I do not wish to be a father some day, but I have a hard time envisaging myself in that role, from my current standpoint.

This in itself tells me I have a lot of work ahead of me before I am even in a position to determine my vocation with clarity. Pray for me brothers.
 
You can find the prayers for purity here https://www.orthodoxchurchsheffield.com/post/prayer-against-defilement-purity-rule

“Oh, if you only knew what joy, what sweetness awaits a righteous soul in Heaven! You would decide in this mortal life to bear any sorrows, persecutions and slander with gratitude. If this very cell of ours was filled with worms, and these worms were to eat our flesh for our entire life on earth, we should agree to it with total desire, in order not to lose, by any chance, that heavenly joy which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

- Saint Seraphim of Sarov
 
Lawrence87 said:
You can find the prayers for purity here https://www.orthodoxchurchsheffield.com/post/prayer-against-defilement-purity-rule

“Oh, if you only knew what joy, what sweetness awaits a righteous soul in Heaven! You would decide in this mortal life to bear any sorrows, persecutions and slander with gratitude. If this very cell of ours was filled with worms, and these worms were to eat our flesh for our entire life on earth, we should agree to it with total desire, in order not to lose, by any chance, that heavenly joy which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

- Saint Seraphim of Sarov
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Another one I've used on that page is the canon to St. Dymphna of Ireland. She gave her life to Christ when her own father beheaded her because she did not allow him to defile her purity. This is a good one especially for mental health and suffering, which is often a huge part of the struggle against the lustful passions.

 
I have often thought, since converting to Christianity, that the modern world has been engineered to allow demons to have a field day.

For example, I live by myself. This is not unusual for someone in their 30s in todays society. But if you think about it, really in Christian society, you'd live with your parents, you'd live with your wife and family, or you'd live with others at a monastery. It was only spiritually advanced monastics who would go to be by themselves. Of course I am not so naive as to think that it was precisely like that in every instance, but as a general rule people did not live alone, unless they were brave enough to face the demons in a cave somewhere.

Thesedays people like me, who are as far from Saint Anthony as one can get, are living in solitude. I think this is a big part of the struggle with celebacy. If you think about times when you are surrounded by people, you don't usually have a desire to go and masturbate. But in isolation, particularly accounting for the fact that, unlike cave dwelling monastics, we have the internet and the temptations that come with that. Things that trigger masturbation are usually boredom, loneliness, depression, and other symptoms of isolation.

A big part of the evils of these last days is the separation and isolation of people. A lot of us are living in solitude and unlike hermits we are not as well equiped to fight the demons that come for someone in those conditions. That is what they want, to isolate us and let the demons at us. We have to fight with everything we've got. Those of us who do live alone can call upon the aid of Saints who fought demons in solitude.
 
I highly recommend putting web filtering SW on all your computer/Internet-access devices. Don't even give yourself the chance to look at pr0n online. For those who struggle with it, you have to cut it off at knees. Just thinking you'll be strong enough to ignore the temptation is not enough. You have to take deliberate and forceful action.
 
Christos_NIKA said:
I highly recommend putting web filtering SW on all your computer/Internet-access devices. Don't even give yourself the chance to look at pr0n online. For those who struggle with it, you have to cut it off at knees. Just thinking you'll be strong enough to ignore the temptation is not enough. You have to take deliberate and forceful action.
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I agree whilst these things don't filter everything and we have the ability to turn them off if we so wish, it adds a step to the process. If you are going go on a NSFW website then you will need to disable your filter. At least if you have to do that it will give you pause and an opportunity to rethink your actions.

The "you can just disable it so it's useless" argument misses the point. If you are going to have to disable a filter to be able to access porn, then you are adding an interruption to the process which increases the likelihood of a "what am I doing?" moment of clarity. If you are determined of course it won't prevent anything.
 
Lawrence87 said:
I have often thought, since converting to Christianity, that the modern world has been engineered to allow demons to have a field day.

For example, I live by myself. This is not unusual for someone in their 30s in todays society. But if you think about it, really in Christian society, you'd live with your parents, you'd live with your wife and family, or you'd live with others at a monastery. It was only spiritually advanced monastics who would go to be by themselves. Of course I am not so naive as to think that it was precisely like that in every instance, but as a general rule people did not live alone, unless they were brave enough to face the demons in a cave somewhere.

Thesedays people like me, who are as far from Saint Anthony as one can get, are living in solitude. I think this is a big part of the struggle with celebacy. If you think about times when you are surrounded by people, you don't usually have a desire to go and masturbate. But in isolation, particularly accounting for the fact that, unlike cave dwelling monastics, we have the internet and the temptations that come with that. Things that trigger masturbation are usually boredom, loneliness, depression, and other symptoms of isolation.

A big part of the evils of these last days is the separation and isolation of people. A lot of us are living in solitude and unlike hermits we are not as well equiped to fight the demons that come for someone in those conditions. That is what they want, to isolate us and let the demons at us. We have to fight with everything we've got. Those of us who do live alone can call upon the aid of Saints who fought demons in solitude.
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So true. Recall the process of Theosis: Purification, Illuminatiion, Deification.

Elders, Monks, and Saints are deeper into Theosis, with baselines in Illumined/Deified states. They aren't bound up in the world. They are light as a feather. I like to imagine if you thrust them into a big city, worldly environment, they will fall from those levels of Grace, from a loftier connection to God.

We are attempting, as celibate men living alone in isolation, who are more than likely stuck in baseline states of Purification, to dwell with parameters of living that are beyond our capability of dealing with them. We simply aren't equipped.

Despite our efforts of constant Prayer, weekly Liturgy, reading Scripture daily, and so on, we are still living in worldly environments due to our jobs, our hobbies, the errands we run, and things like this. And we aren't living in jolly Ole times - this is Babylon.

This is a heavy burden and many men aren't strong enough, so we end up with those labeled as schizoid, or worse psychopathic, of which are really those battling demonic forces in loneliness.

We need the Church. We need our Priest. We need a Spiritual Father. We need Community. We need pious friends. We need a spouse. We need children. We need a family.

We have to actively build up this stuff in our lives, even if our Church is lacking, we must take the initiative.

Living in the world amidst a bombardment of spiritual warfare, we need all of these things to bolster ourselves and those together with us, like a fortress and mote around a castle.

Even monks have levels. There are the cenobitic (Communal with other monks in monestary) and the eremitic (Hermits living in caves or what have you).

In a sense, we as Orthodox celibate men living alone in social isolation are like novice monks, that should be cenobitic, trying to live as eremitic monks in the world.

It's dangerous. This is not spiritually healthy for us...

In the meantime, make sure to get your homes blessed by your Priest, and continue to do everything you can to fortify yourself communally.
 
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And also don't despair. God knows that we are in conditions that are extremely spiritually difficult. That is not to say we should abandon our quest to remain chaste because of this, but that in His long suffering and great mercy He will not abandon us even if we fall many times. Our duty is to keep getting up and putting the enemy to shame by running to confession.

It might actually be a good idea for those of us who struggle with this, to confess every week or every single opportunity we have, irrespective of whether we have fallen, or whether we are prepared for Communion. If you are not prepared for Communion you don't have to receive it, you can still confess. Often times the enemy will bring us a lot of shame when we fall into this sin, we feel unworthy to go near the chalice and we keep away from confession because we are embarrassed to confess our fleshly sins. Confession is bringing the artillery against Satan. If we make a habit of doing it regularly, the enemy will take a massive beating.
 
I think it's even harder right now because we are in this disgusting holding pattern that a lot of us red pill types can't stand. They're just dragging us through total nonsense and continued debasement where the rich get richer, we know the system can't last, but it lasts YEARS.

What happens, then? Like businesses, we have no idea about the future environment, so we are stalled. We aren't even preoccupied with survival, so we just keep ... waiting. All that's left that's physically attractive is essentially a concubine. It's actually funny to think about it is so stupid. And few see it because they are all wearing gynocentric lenses. What's more, people don't want to believe the covid thing happened, that their daughter has done X, that their state pension is going belly up ...

Sigh
 
Learning from my Bishop, I had the following conversation.

"If your son masturbated, would you stop loving him?"

"If your son sleeps with his girlfriend, would you stop loving him?"

Good perspective for how God views us in dealing with these sins. St. Nephon said that God forgives sexual sins faster than any other, because it is deeply rooted in man: God made us this way. He wanted us to desire His women, and gave us a strong sexual desire to ensure this. The fact that our society is run by demons and prevents lawful marriages from occurring is not lost on God, so therefore have faith and be not ashamed of failing in these wicked times.
 
The prayer of your priest are extremely powerful in this battle.

I will admit that I have been struggling recently with chastity. For Theophany I made confession and received Holy Communion. The following Sunday during the Liturgy I felt immense peace, as well as an glimpse at the sheer incomprehensible depth of what is going on at the Liturgy. I was immediately, of course, tempted by spiritual pride, and I began to wonder whether the experience was genuine because of this. So I was asking whether I was experiencing something of God, when the chanters answered for me, switching from Slavonic to English: "the Grace of God that brings salvation" they sang. After the Liturgy I was wondering what I could possibly have done to make myself worthy of such a deep sense of serenity and peace, and without being asked my priest approached me and told me: "I have been praying for you" and that was the answer. An answer that uprooted any inclinations towards spiritual pride, I didn't do anything to earn it. God mercifully granted it to me through the prayers of my Spiritual Father.

I don't say that to portray myself as someone special, like I say this experience was very much in spite of myself, but I say it merely to highlight two things: firstly that you should not keep yourself from confession because of shame, your priest's prayers can do wonders for you. And also that God's grace is what we should pursue in this life, not fleeting pleasure that will alienate ourselves from His grace in the end. When I contrast the peace that I was granted to glimpse, with the turmoil and shame I was feeling that kept me away from confession for a while, the answer is clear. I never want to engage in these sins again. Please pray for me that God helps me in this.
 
Samseau said:
Learning from my Bishop, I had the following conversation.

"If your son masturbated, would you stop loving him?"

"If your son sleeps with his girlfriend, would you stop loving him?"

Good perspective for how God views us in dealing with these sins. St. Nephon said that God forgives sexual sins faster than any other, because it is deeply rooted in man: God made us this way. He wanted us to desire His women, and gave us a strong sexual desire to ensure this. The fact that our society is run by demons and prevents lawful marriages from occurring is not lost on God, so therefore have faith and be not ashamed of failing in these wicked times.
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We've had this conversation before. We walk a fine line here, and I want to believe what you have to say, but it's dangerous as much as I want to believe that it's not as serious as it is. The reason I do find it serious and us possibly more debased than ever without even knowing it is because the ancient world had a mix of really weird stuff and a lot of it was expressly forbidden by the early church. But something left out is that they had 14 year old to 16 year old wives and responsibility early. Now we've got mouthy, old women defended by everyone and fortified by the law.

It's a bad situation, whichever way we look at it. I think it's even sadder in many ways for women, except for the fact that getting any money at all or not worrying about eating or buying a few things is equivalent to the male drive for sex. And they get that stuff in spades in the modern day.
 
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