Wait you’re telling me I need to start gaming guys as well now?
Making friends
- Thread starter canuckj
- Start date
Yup. It's all about solid frame, using negs, establishing congruence, etc. No establishing kino though.
True. I am in my early 30s now, just moved to a different state and I don't really look for friends, I already have a ton that I visit the next state over on a semi regular basis. Seems the older I get the more I enjoy alone time, messing around at home on various hobbies.
Another one I would add, although this doesn't jive with some, but you can make friends by getting into a Dungeons and Dragons group. Some of the guys at my work do that, they get together once a week at a specific time so they can work around schedules, kids etc.
What also starts to get funnier is the number of friends you have that are increasingly in worse physical shape that just can't drink booze at all anymore without feeling awful. I mean, sort of embarrassing levels of hangover as if they are dying. I've noticed this is especially bad with the overweight types, which there are many beyond 40 years of age these days.
Even though I just made fun of these guys in another thread for being full-on betas, I wouldn't mind joining a D&D group if the guys in that group were halfway normal. I honestly do miss the world-building and escapism of that game. I remember very clearly being around 15 and learning with my friends how to play. I bought all the books and a few of the modules and for the next 6 months or so, I got really into it.
And then I entered junior high and discovered girls. And that was the end of that.
So for the past umpteen years, I've had a hankering to continue where I left off. If I could do this and meet new friends in the process, I'd be up for it.
Dungeons and Dragons may be a way to make new friends, but a sure-fire way to lose any you had. (Joking)
What ticks me off is that the churches don't seem to wanna help, even though they know there is a loneliness epidemic right now in the US and elsewhere. There is one single church where I live that offers a consistent men's group. Just one. And they have hundreds of guys who show up every week. It's a certain type of man that goes there though...military, etc and not guys I usually get along with, or I would continue going myself. But it just goes to show you that if they can pull in those kinds of numbers on a weekday night to one church, there is a huge demand for this.
And yet other churches don't seem to care. They all have short-term thinking...how can we increase the people coming to our Sunday services? The thing is, no single people attend service. It's not a place to meet a good Christian woman, and it's boring to go alone. So, they are effectively ignoring a huge part of their congregation. If they all had single groups or men's and women's groups, they'd increase the chance that these people would go together to service on Sunday. But they are either too stupid to realize this or just don't care about single people.
Funny you say this. There are small groups for men springing up here. Mostly of the 'Spiritual' kind, goofy stuff like yoga and breathing exercises, but there is clearly a demand for men to get together and be themselves.
Perhaps I need to start my own or something...
I found my group of friends by going to a cigar shop and talking to some of the guys about the Gospel as we were watching the Presidential debates. Turns out they were like-minded Christians who hosted their own Bible study at the cigar shop.
I've made other friends by doing the same thing in other places. I've gone to the bar to play a game of poker, started talking about the Gospel and made other friends there too.
The Christians are out there. They need encouragement. Be the one to give it to them.
Connection is important but I believe making friends has to be a corollary of an engagement in higher priorities, such as seeking God and pursuing your career/passions. I think C.S. Lewis said something to that affect. The fear of loneliness bringeth a snare. This is something I have to remind myself.
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You have to inject yourself in social situations, into hobby groups where you have similar interests to start dialogue, for example the gym is a good place for this. You have to present yourself well and be social, you have to come off as a strong good person somebody that people want to have in their lives. I just recently turned 40 lately I've made some new friends in situations I didn't expect to, I've found that it's just about being someone that people want to be around and having something to offer in peoples lives. People will gravitate towards you if you present yourself well, have value, if youre a kind person and strong.
JR5
Other Christian
This post looks at how friendships are formed, maintained, and why they sometimes end: https://neofeudalreview.substack.com/p/on-the-nature-of-friendship
Volunteering can be a good way to meet people. Typically most of the groups you volunteer for are going to involve some degeneracy. But you'd be surprised--the hard core believers and those that just want to help people tend to separate pretty quickly. ( I stopped going to one after they asked me about my preferred pronouns but funny enough I later met the girl who was forcing that on everyone at a party and she hates it too--they were just told to do it)
You guys would probably be surprised at some of the groups I'm involved in haha!
The Meetup thing, Eh, it's a good idea but almost every time I've tried it, it's full of older people (odd to me that it's boomers going to anonymous internet meetings while younger people aren't!) but there are a few. Maybe it's just that kids aren't into hiking or whatever.
There's actually a local gaming group (board games, strategy games) that I've found that meets weekly and its full of lonely guys !
You guys would probably be surprised at some of the groups I'm involved in haha!
The Meetup thing, Eh, it's a good idea but almost every time I've tried it, it's full of older people (odd to me that it's boomers going to anonymous internet meetings while younger people aren't!) but there are a few. Maybe it's just that kids aren't into hiking or whatever.
There's actually a local gaming group (board games, strategy games) that I've found that meets weekly and its full of lonely guys !
Im assuming most of us on this forum are misfits in society I know I am, we dont go with the flow we go against the grain. Im married so my life is quite busy as it is I dont actually have time for friends BUT I do go to church and mingle a bit even if its just a few minutes a week and I have a God father that I have lunch with now and then and we talk.
I dont really have close friends only aquaintences and Im ok with that, Im a lone wolf, maybe later in life I will develop more friendships who knows. In your case you single about to get married so I guess you got time for friends. Most suggestions on this thread seem good, church friends, people you share hobbies with, I know some guys on this forum were members of the proud boys not sure if you would maybe meet like minded people in that crowd? I do think we lack mens clubs and a strong community in our modern society I think we should change that
I dont really have close friends only aquaintences and Im ok with that, Im a lone wolf, maybe later in life I will develop more friendships who knows. In your case you single about to get married so I guess you got time for friends. Most suggestions on this thread seem good, church friends, people you share hobbies with, I know some guys on this forum were members of the proud boys not sure if you would maybe meet like minded people in that crowd? I do think we lack mens clubs and a strong community in our modern society I think we should change that
I recently returned to a city I once called home. Even though there's more things to do than the previous city I lived in, the essence remains unchanged—activities demand companionship. Solitude offers scant options: perhaps a driving range, hitting golf balls in isolation. Beyond that, it's the monotony of restaurants, bars, and lying out at the pool. The ideal pursuit might be lessons—acquiring a skill with another person provides purpose and company. Of course that takes money, but it seems to be the best way to both meet people and improve yourself at the same time.
As I wander around this old familiar city, I overhear what types of activities make up the free time of others. Their weekends brim with birthday parties and weddings—events from which my name is conspicuously absent. Why am I never on these guest lists?
In group settings, like church gatherings, I blend in well enough. But forging friendships deep enough to warrant invitations outside the group itself seems more elusive now than when I was a young man. How is it that everyone else has a full social calendar but me? You'd think many of them would be in the same position as me as most people aren't rooted in one place their entire life.
People keep asking me what I did over the weekend, even though they know full well I don't know a soul here. I guess I'm supposed to lie to them so I don't sound like I'm anti-social or something. But at the same time, I want to just shake my head and laugh at them expecting me to have a full circle of friends just weeks after arriving here.
If this were a movie, the other person would invite me, the new guy, to one of these parties. But this is real life, and that never happens.
As I wander around this old familiar city, I overhear what types of activities make up the free time of others. Their weekends brim with birthday parties and weddings—events from which my name is conspicuously absent. Why am I never on these guest lists?
In group settings, like church gatherings, I blend in well enough. But forging friendships deep enough to warrant invitations outside the group itself seems more elusive now than when I was a young man. How is it that everyone else has a full social calendar but me? You'd think many of them would be in the same position as me as most people aren't rooted in one place their entire life.
People keep asking me what I did over the weekend, even though they know full well I don't know a soul here. I guess I'm supposed to lie to them so I don't sound like I'm anti-social or something. But at the same time, I want to just shake my head and laugh at them expecting me to have a full circle of friends just weeks after arriving here.
If this were a movie, the other person would invite me, the new guy, to one of these parties. But this is real life, and that never happens.
fr-iend? you. . friend? me?
The easiest way for me to find a friend has always been to reconnect with an old friend. Second to that, being chummy with co-workers can scratch the itch, so long as you have that one friend you can talk about deeper and NSFW things. Beyond that, I notice one needs to cultivate the willingness to, oh man I shudder at even the thought, spend time with people.
The easiest way for me to find a friend has always been to reconnect with an old friend. Second to that, being chummy with co-workers can scratch the itch, so long as you have that one friend you can talk about deeper and NSFW things. Beyond that, I notice one needs to cultivate the willingness to, oh man I shudder at even the thought, spend time with people.
I've been living in this cucked west European country for over a dozen years and I still have ZERO native friends. All my friends here are from Eastern Europe, South America, etc. As TRWCode above wrote, a friend is someone you can confide in, trust to not turn you in to the cops, rely on in difficult times. I find no single native person who fits that description. They are all terrified and cowardly.
Just a few weeks ago I was having a casual conversation with a middle-aged man after church and I happened to mention the word "gypsy", using the local language. He got very concerned, acted shocked, stepped back and told me "you can't use that word! It's derogatory!". I lived in this country in the 90s and this word was normal parlance...now apparently you can't use it, but since I don't have local TV service I guess I haven't got the latest orders from Big Brother. I was shocked that even a man at an Orthodox church would act like this. So, I literally just used the English word "gypsy" and threw that into my conversation and then he was fine with it.
As an aside, I asked which would he would recommend I use, and he suggested 2 particular gypsy tribes that tend to dominate here. I told him that those are only 2 tribes of gypsies, out of hundreds and that it is not accurate, since I wasn't speaking about them. He had no answer to that one!.
Just a few weeks ago I was having a casual conversation with a middle-aged man after church and I happened to mention the word "gypsy", using the local language. He got very concerned, acted shocked, stepped back and told me "you can't use that word! It's derogatory!". I lived in this country in the 90s and this word was normal parlance...now apparently you can't use it, but since I don't have local TV service I guess I haven't got the latest orders from Big Brother. I was shocked that even a man at an Orthodox church would act like this. So, I literally just used the English word "gypsy" and threw that into my conversation and then he was fine with it.
As an aside, I asked which would he would recommend I use, and he suggested 2 particular gypsy tribes that tend to dominate here. I told him that those are only 2 tribes of gypsies, out of hundreds and that it is not accurate, since I wasn't speaking about them. He had no answer to that one!.