Making friends

Christos_NIKA said:
I've been living in this cucked west European country for over a dozen years and I still have ZERO native friends. All my friends here are from Eastern Europe, South America, etc. As TRWCode above wrote, a friend is someone you can confide in, trust to not turn you in to the cops, rely on in difficult times. I find no single native person who fits that description. They are all terrified and cowardly.

Just a few weeks ago I was having a casual conversation with a middle-aged man after church and I happened to mention the word "gypsy", using the local language. He got very concerned, acted shocked, stepped back and told me "you can't use that word! It's derogatory!". I lived in this country in the 90s and this word was normal parlance...now apparently you can't use it, but since I don't have local TV service I guess I haven't got the latest orders from Big Brother. I was shocked that even a man at an Orthodox church would act like this. So, I literally just used the English word "gypsy" and threw that into my conversation and then he was fine with it. 🤡🌎

As an aside, I asked which would he would recommend I use, and he suggested 2 particular gypsy tribes that tend to dominate here. I told him that those are only 2 tribes of gypsies, out of hundreds and that it is not accurate, since I wasn't speaking about them. He had no answer to that one!. 🙄
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Just for kicks, the next time you see him at church and he asks how your week went, tell him you bought an item at the store but you feel you got gypped.

Then, come back here and tell us his response.
 
Poker and competitive/team sports are always a good way to meet other guys and feels more natural than anything else. But it also depends a lot on which country you are in. In anglo-sphere countries often you can go to the same job or participate in the same sport for years and not make friends especially in the larger cities, whereas certain other countries if you turn up to the same job or soccer team every week after a few months people will invite you to birthday parties, barbeques, etc.
 
I play a little poker at times, you do meet many people from different backgrounds, however your mileage may vary. You have to work through the degenerate gamblers, alcoholics, the boomer nits, and the switched-on yet nihilist types.

What I've found helpful recently is just getting in touch with people and organizing meals, lunch or dinner. Everyone brings a bottle of wine to share and, if at someone's home, a dish they cooked at home. We don't do this every day, but it's certainly something that can be done once a month or so, with proper planning and timing.
 
Maddox said:
If this were a movie, the other person would invite me, the new guy, to one of these parties. But this is real life, and that never happens.
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That's very similar to wishing women would approach men, where in reality we know that men have to do the work.

If you want friends, act like the friend you would like to have. Instead of waiting for an invitation, send a message to a few friends to see if they want to meet up.
 
SCW said:
What I've found helpful recently is just getting in touch with people and organizing meals, lunch or dinner. Everyone brings a bottle of wine to share and, if at someone's home, a dish they cooked at home. We don't do this every day, but it's certainly something that can be done once a month or so, with proper planning and timing.
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That's more for keeping in touch with existing friends but its not really a way to meet new friends.
 
Australia Sucks said:
That's more for keeping in touch with existing friends but its not really a way to meet new friends.
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It can definitely be done with the buddies you meet playing sports. I've seen this kind of stuff really solidify groups.
I never invite anyone, I just get invited and, despite that, I end up forming some kind of bond with some of those guys and then I'll get invited to the next event and so on.

I've even been invited to bachelor parties in foreign countries and weddings just as a result of me showing up to a BBQ with a bottle of sparkling water for 2 hours. (I'm not encouraging bachelor party activities. Just saying that I become part of the "in-group" with minimal effort)

There definitely are good, friendly people out there who are still childlike when it comes to making friends.
 
Australia Sucks said:
That's more for keeping in touch with existing friends but its not really a way to meet new friends.
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You must start somewhere. Deep friendships do not spontaneously manifest, and you don't marry the love of your life at first sight. As it's been said before, you have to slay a few dragons to get the princess.

We understand how most people in society have become NPCs, inured and dependent on the system to tell them what to think. You can either throw up your arms in despair and give up, or get down to the hard work of vetting potential friends and teammates, one soul at a time.

Friendship also doesn't have to be a binary yes/no. Some friends are good for conversation, others for correspondence, some for business, others for pleasure. Any action you take to make a friend is a potential winning move. The only way to lose is to isolate yourself.
 
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SCW said:
You must start somewhere. Deep friendships do not spontaneously manifest, and you don't marry the love of your life at first sight. As it's been said before, you have to slay a few dragons to get the princess.

We understand how most people in society have become NPCs, inured and dependent on the system to tell them what to think. You can either throw up your arms in despair and give up, or get down to the hard work of vetting potential friends and teammates, one soul at a time.

Friendship also doesn't have to be a binary yes/no. Some friends are good for conversation, others for correspondence, some for business, others for pleasure. Any action you take to make a friend is a potential winning move. The only way to lose is to isolate yourself.
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This is excellent advice. Also, over time you learn to filter for certain character traits in both men and women which quickly let you know what the limits of your friendship or relationship might be.
 
I recently just moved and went through a break up. I am looking for some friends and a woman in the new place. So far, not much luck.

Prior to this, I moved to a new place. It took me ~1 year to start making some great friends at my Church. At first, I didn't find anybody I really connected with, but after sticking around, some new people joined, and I got to connect with some people who were already there, and I was able to be in a good friend group. Outside of Church, it was hard to meet people. At work I would maybe connect with a few of the people, but I don't work at a consistent location, and the lack of routine makes it harder to connect. Plus, a lot of them are married, older, and/or women that I wasn't interested in physically, so I kept it to strictly work friendships. At the gym, I was able to make a few friends (and I don't really engage with people at the gym, they started the conversations), one of which stuck.

It really takes time. For me, it took at least 1 year and really closer to 2 years to make friends. I could have been more outgoing and put myself out there, I admit, but I am somewhat sociable, especially at Church since I usually have more in common with people there than anywhere else. I want to look into playing a sport, maybe doing some MeetUp groups (that site seems pretty dead though). All I really want is 1 or 2 good friends in this area, and then eventually a women to get married to. People seem less approachable than they did ~10 years ago, but I'm not sure if that is just in my head, or is a factor of being in my 30s instead of 20s.
 
Knight.of.Logos said:
I recently just moved and went through a break up. I am looking for some friends and a woman in the new place. So far, not much luck.

Prior to this, I moved to a new place. It took me ~1 year to start making some great friends at my Church. At first, I didn't find anybody I really connected with, but after sticking around, some new people joined, and I got to connect with some people who were already there, and I was able to be in a good friend group. Outside of Church, it was hard to meet people. At work I would maybe connect with a few of the people, but I don't work at a consistent location, and the lack of routine makes it harder to connect. Plus, a lot of them are married, older, and/or women that I wasn't interested in physically, so I kept it to strictly work friendships. At the gym, I was able to make a few friends (and I don't really engage with people at the gym, they started the conversations), one of which stuck.

It really takes time. For me, it took at least 1 year and really closer to 2 years to make friends. I could have been more outgoing and put myself out there, I admit, but I am somewhat sociable, especially at Church since I usually have more in common with people there than anywhere else. I want to look into playing a sport, maybe doing some MeetUp groups (that site seems pretty dead though). All I really want is 1 or 2 good friends in this area, and then eventually a women to get married to. People seem less approachable than they did ~10 years ago, but I'm not sure if that is just in my head, or is a factor of being in my 30s instead of 20s.
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Easiest time to make friends during sports. I played sand volleyball for awhile and it was 6 on 6. Lots of down time between plays to have side conversation. Can even chat with the other team through the net. If I was single, this would hands down be the best way.
 
SeekingTruth said:
Easiest time to make friends during sports. I played sand volleyball for awhile and it was 6 on 6. Lots of down time between plays to have side conversation. Can even chat with the other team through the net. If I was single, this would hands down be the best way.
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It's not just the talking, it's also the game itself. Over the course of the games you and others might tend to shout, be angry, talk "trash" aka mock someone, get shouted at, flex your muscles, high five, hug each other etc.

Those are actions, emotional states, reactions etc. you would generally never show around random strangers or even your neighbors and colleagues. No amount of "team building events" at some office job can match the amount of genuine human interaction and connection that one can experience within even just 2 hours of playing a competitive sport with other people, especially other men, of course.
 
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