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Hugging your dad

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Do you guys hug your dad often? My wife pointed out yesterday that when we leave my Mom and Dad's house I almost always hug my mom but not my dad. She says he seems to want me to hug him, something I hadn't picked up on, but maybe she's right. Women are often better at picking up on this kind of thing. I hadn't really thought about this before. I have brothers, and I'm not even sure if they hug him or not. My sister does, I think. He and my wife usually hug each other when we show up at my parents house, which I suppose I'd vaguely thought of as a proxy for my hugging him, to the extent that I'd thought about this at all.

Hugs. Nice when they're spontaneous, awkward when you have to think them through.
 
I haven't seen eye to eye with my dad for a while and barely spoken with him ever since I got disinvited from Christmas for being unvaxxed two years ago.
We were invited to a wedding of a relative recently and I hit him with a hug and the "I love you even though we disagree on almost anything but I still respect you as a dad and am grateful for the good things you did in my life" and he seemed very glad and teared up a little. Facilitated by alcohol, obviously, but I'm glad I did that, I think it sort of took a load off.
Not too much hugging and loving otherwise, but I think once in a while it can be very helpful, particularly as you get older.
 
Raskolnikov said:
I haven't seen eye to eye with my dad for a while and barely spoken with him ever since I got disinvited from Christmas for being unvaxxed two years ago.
We were invited to a wedding of a relative recently and I hit him with a hug and the "I love you even though we disagree on almost anything but I still respect you as a dad and am grateful for the good things you did in my life" and he seemed very glad and teared up a little. Facilitated by alcohol, obviously, but I'm glad I did that, I think it sort of took a load off.
Not too much hugging and loving otherwise, but I think once in a while it can be very helpful, particularly as you get older.
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Yes, I'm thinking maybe a once in a while thing with my dad. Like TM said above, some people are huggers some aren't. I can't tell with my dad. I'm not a big fan of hugging other men myself, relatives or not.

Then there's the whole thing with if I do it once, do I have to do it every time. There's a Seinfeld episode that covers something similar. He ends up doing the European style cheek kiss with a woman he knows casually and only afterward realizes that now he has to do it every time he sees her.

I'm probably overthinking it.
 
I think of you see your parents somewhat regularly then it might seem like more of a "fake" kind of formality. Hello, (insert name)! *Hug* and on down the line you go, just like a few days ago.

But, this is something that's on your mind and as someone whose parents are a plane flight away, my advice would be to throw the ol' man hug on him along with some slaps on the back. After they're gone, or when he's alone doing his own thing, I don't think either of you will regret it.
 
I'm not really a big hugger myself but I do tend to hug females more than males in general, for instance, my mom, who is somewhat demanding of hugs to the point where it actually gets kind of annoying and narcissistic. As for my dad, he doesn't seem to really care either way, like me.

I think hugging should be done when it's a long time apart, after a heart to heart talk, etc. Something significant. I don't think we should just spam hug everyone 'just because'. If we do that then it's not as meaningful of a gesture. Our connections or love for others aren't represented by hugs. It's the time we spend together, the words we share, etc.

If someone feels mistreated for not getting "their" hug, then they are being childish. I don't know. I think there's already too much emphasis on this topic.
 
I have had a similar experience as the OP. Hugging my mother is natural. With my father, I have to be conscientious. But I agree with what others have said and have been able to intuit for myself: My father wants to be hugged by his children. I think as a man he doesn’t say anything for the same reason we don’t think to do it. If there was ever a “toxic masculinity,” it’d be the one that taught us not to hug our male loved ones. I know I wish every day I could hug my Grandpa again. So I want to hug my dad while I’ve got him.
 
I hug mine every time I see him.

He's an affectionate person and was always that way and I am too....and even to this day, in my 30s when I go home to help with things, he will pat me on the head.

I know everyone's different... But as a father I make a point to give my kids hugs as much as possible and appreciate when they do so to me.
 
Given that Nordwand already posted a somewhat cheesy 80s track in this thread, I now feel a little less cheesy about this one:



(rest of the post to be read while listening, increasing the cheesiness factor)

It actually made me think again about wanting to reconnect with my father to whatever degree possible, differences aside. I think I'd agree with @An0dyne that a certain lack of affectation towards fathers is definitely connected with the decline of masculinity in the West.

I'm borderline Gen Z, and I think that makes me at least the second generation of sons who grew up with fathers that were not exactly the way we needed, or felt we needed, and that's where that comes from. You obviously also have this far spread cultural JEWISH (it is them, really) attack on the Christian patriarchy in general.
I don't condone everything Jesse Lee Peterson says, but I think "You have to forgive your mother and return to (the) father" is a very important spiritual and psychological truth.

The feminine is a very obvious psychological enemy to conquer because of the way many of us grew up and how the culture works, but I think fully forgiving that and learning to love your father as your own image in the face of the difficulties of life is almost a prerequisite to actually growing up as a man.

When I found Christ, but also the truth about the horrifying nature of life, I got extremely upset with my father for never telling me or preparing me for the dread and the blackpills I was in for. Then again, Boomers and Gen X were really the most violently psy-opped generations of our whole civilization in over 2 thousand years, so you cannot really judge them by that standard. There was no based and redpilled online scene for them to have known better.

Apart from that, your father and forefathers represent everyone in your bloodline that have, to some degree, had to go through the trials and tribulations of mortal life in some way similar to whatever you are going through and will go through.

Hugging your dad, in a way, is hugging all of your male ancestors, who largely managed to take care of your successive ancestors, all the while feeling existential dead, one way or another.

So yes, I think you are really overthinking the frequency thing, that's a very autistic thing to focus on.
 
Laner said:
I hug my dad. I see him probably 4-5 times a year as we live in different cities. I miss him, so when I see him I hug that bear of a man and it feels good.

As a father, the feeling of your son hugging you will never stop being wonderful.
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Exactly this. I never hugged my dad until my eldest son started hugging me. Now I need hugs indefinitely.

It might be something as when you mature with children you have different needs and feelings but one thing I can tell is that the OP has a good wife. Hug away dude!
 
RedLagoon said:
Exactly this. I never hugged my dad until my eldest son started hugging me. Now I need hugs indefinitely.

It might be something as when you mature with children you have different needs and feelings but one thing I can tell is that the OP has a good wife. Hug away dude!
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Haha...I actually tried it for the first time when I was leaving my Mom and Dad's house last night. It went OK.
 
An0dyne said:
I have had a similar experience as the OP. Hugging my mother is natural. With my father, I have to be conscientious. But I agree with what others have said and have been able to intuit for myself: My father wants to be hugged by his children. I think as a man he doesn’t say anything for the same reason we don’t think to do it. If there was ever a “toxic masculinity,” it’d be the one that taught us not to hug our male loved ones. I know I wish every day I could hug my Grandpa again. So I want to hug my dad while I’ve got him.
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I wish I had taken my own advice more seriously, gents. Go hug your dad.
 
My father definitely hugs me more than I hug him. My grandfather was a bit rough with studies and general parenting, and my father inherited that, so I'd get into big issues since my grades were kind of trash when I was a kid.

He started hugging me more when I became a teenager and around that age. I try to hug him sometimes but I can't help but feel a bit embarrassed or shy a lot of the time. More used to hugging my mother from young age.

Often he hugs me in public, which I get kind of embarrassed over due to no one doing that usually. It's weird. Not even in airports I tend to see people hugging each other or their family members. A lot of people in my family smell my hair, not in a weird Joe Biden way, but it was a thing every Christmas there.
 
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