Help with an ex issue, not a joke or troll

[Lawrence87]

Hoeflation, lol.

So in Econ you can fight inflation by jacking the interest rate. How do you fight hoeflation? You probably could just couch… heh… it as a women’s issue and you’ll have much more latitude in fighting it. Banning dating apps? Warning labels on social media like smoking?

Imagine signing onto the gram and seeing a “the likes and appreciation received on here is simply dopamine. Excessive dopamine is proven to affect your life satisfaction and outcomes. Do you wish to continue?” I got this from my idea of dealing with porn. Like cigarettes actually require a warning every time you hit the hub. A warning along with links of all the data in regards to all the zoomer sexual dysfunction because of porn.

Simp taxing might also be an interesting tactic.

I don't think I'd go near a woman who was overly active on instagram. I might give a pass if she never posted or just posted her cross stitch or whatever, but even then I'd be dubious.

 

[Steady Hands]

I guess what I was trying to get at is pre-pandemic I had other live in girlfriends after the gal in question. But we always split rent and stuff 50/50, cheap vacations, etc. I got to the point where I don’t need to do that anymore and I’ve found dating to be next to impossible and I’m not really quite sure why. I’ve improved myself and I can’t get a woman to look at me. Late 20s chubby brokey, I could get a date and … such. Now early 30s and actually have a place for them to live and can cover everything, can’t find anyone. Makes no sense. I’m even 20lbs lighter.

The uncertainty here leads me to think that if you can honestly and thoroughly understand the likely reasons for the 'why', this will give you some clear steps forward.

If the following quote "I can’t get a woman to look at me" has a literal meaning (?) then I'd say... think about talking with at least one trusted male friend who is attractive/successful and one female acquaintance who can help you with feedback and tips on one or more of the following areas:

• Haircut
• Grooming and skin
• Wardrobe
• Posture
• Body condition - weight, body fat, muscle
• Photos/profile (if using online apps / media)
• Etc

TIP 1. Improving your appearance, visual health, and first impression are together one of the most simple and powerful approaches in enhancing attractiveness. And this includes appearing attractive to the potential future mother of your children. It may be simple but that doesn't mean it is easy. It takes courage, humility, and consistent effort. This isn't easy.

"But a good Christian woman shouldn't be so superficial to care about these things" I hear in the background. Yeah, fair enough, I get that. Men should also not be overly concerned with their appearance. That's just gee ay why.

Nonetheless, I'm more interested in what actually works (i.e., men improving their chances) rather than:

• what should be the case (according to a fantasy of ideals),
• what may only apply to a very small minority (women who are extremely rare or isolated), or
• what could happen if a guy misuses the advice (becomes a homo, gets 78 units of botox, and starts moisturising every hour).

TIP 2. In any case, here are some questions you can ask yourself -- and reply here by all means if you wish -- that may help to isolate some of the key variables:

A. Where is the bottleneck?
- you're not getting initial interest (see above for suggested solutions)
- you're getting initial interest but can't get dates,
- you're getting dates but not follow-up investment,
- you're getting post-date investment but not the kind of relationship you want, etc

B. What are your mediums, and how do you use them?
- church
- social circle
- clubs like sports or special interest groups
- cold approach
- online dating apps / social media

^ Over-reliance on any one singular source is not recommended.

C. What has changed in the external environment?

- have you stayed in the same place?
- have you noticed a change in attitudes?

Most environments got harder in recent years, with the main eras in your lifetime -- depending on your location/niche etc -- being *approximately*:

● PRE-2012 - before tinder was released and facebook acquired instagram. You could still be a big fish in a small pond back then, before the small ponds started to evaporate as big tech spread everywhere.

● 2013-2019 - it developed into tougher times with the rise of rabid feminism, bumble/hinge etc; but now seems like the good ol' days in retrospect.

● POST-2020 - people worldwide were forced to live, work, interact, and date online following the cornflake-19 scamdemic, thus making digital empires even bigger; leading to... more women on dating sites, selling themselves online, with inflated egos, on anti-depressants, with social anxiety, etc.

D. What has changed for you?
- your standards changed?
- your type changed?
- your energy and efforts changed?
- your appearance changed and you look older?

When men's age ticks over from 29 to 30 years old, this makes getting early 20-somethings harder in general. Attractive women use arbitrary numbers to screen out men, especially online, for instance: age 39 OK, 40 not okay, 100 followers OK; 99 not okay; height 6'0" OK; 5'11" not okay. No use whining about these facts, single guys are better served by accepting them and moving on with action.

All that said:
-> these are all just generalised points that you can potentially smash through as an individual, and,
-> you are still in your golden years.

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The only attention I’ve gotten is women who already have kids. I hold my tongue and don’t say “where’s the dad” and stuff like that. I would like to do some traveling now that I have ok income, so would prefer a woman without kids. Should I relax the single mom requirement and maybe allow one kid if they’re willing to have more? The internet is not reflecting reality. On one hand 50% of women will be childless cat ladies according to data and birthrates, but in the wild, they all got kids.

Looks like a plan to me. Anything stopping you from booking in flights?

TIP 3: I recommend you consider travelling to several countries or continents (perhaps South America, East Asia, or Eastern Europe depending on your taste) and *then* reconsider the question about single mums.

I’m still not rich but in a world where everyone’s crashing out over layoffs and the the job market, achieving middle class in a world where the middle class is dying to me is wicked good.

Great!

Hoeflation, lol.

So in Econ you can fight inflation by jacking the interest rate. How do you fight hoeflation?

If the main problem with hoeflation relates to diminishing quality of women and returns on mens' efforts in the dating market over time, then one of the best solutions is this:

TIP 4. Do not delay. Start taking action and make things happen immediately. No matter how small, take that next step now.

The idea that a guy, especially in his 30s onwards, can just save a lot of money over years or even decades and travel overseas to easily scoop up a foreign unicorn neglects the degradation of options due to the passage of time.

Working on things like social skills, which tend to degrade without practice, should still be a priority in any case, regardless of where a man lives.

TIP 5. Other Ideas

It may be worth revisiting this post from last year, since it probably contained more ideas and resources that could be reasonably digested in a single sitting:

Post in thread 'Help with an ex issue, not a joke or troll'

Jun 26, 2024

Updates - the twist -

A mutual friend gave me one of her socials I’m not blocked on. They were like “I know your story, do with this what you will.” Should I even bother though?

I’ve made so much progress since my last post here. But what if we could… you know mortgage kids and all that stuff years later?

Respect for reaching out here. This isn't easy to share. Some thoughts follow.

At age 23 it didn't work out. At age 33 you contacted her and she wasn't interested (and blocked you?). You noted this at the time:

Updates: shot shot - she’s very happy where she’s at and not...

• Steady Hands

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I hope this helps. All the best