Sounds like you dodged a bullet really. Sounds like she has daddy issues.
Help with an ex issue, not a joke or troll
- Thread starter KulturedKaveman
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Sounds like you dodged a bullet really. Sounds like she has daddy issues.
Brother....relationships are nothing but business transactions to Jews. Does not matter how she was raised, trust me I have seen this multiple times. She found a better transaction and that's all that matters, love, emotion, bond, the past, even religion.....it means nothing above the transaction. Of course she would have converted, you were the best transaction at the time and for whatever reason you stopped being that.....nothing else matters.
There is also the aspect of chasing another man's woman, that's on you but that's a different topic altogether.
Find your inner strength and pride, move on. You'll be stronger and better for it. You may not see it today but there will come a day when you are a better man for having found the strength to move on from this.
There is also the aspect of chasing another man's woman, that's on you but that's a different topic altogether.
Find your inner strength and pride, move on. You'll be stronger and better for it. You may not see it today but there will come a day when you are a better man for having found the strength to move on from this.
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Dude, no offense but this girl seems like a terrible fit. Count your blessings and move on.
@Steady Hands
Thanks Steady Hands - will get to work on it. Honestly, I shared it here because I want REAL solutions and don’t want to spend a cubic butt ton on therapy - a lot of these therapists just got their masters and haven’t even had a girlfriend / boyfriend yet. How would they know what they’re talking about? Just a bunch of mindless theories. You guys have wives and girlfriends so you know how these things are and this forum well… gets stuff done. I want results, not talk, which therapy is.
Respect for reaching out here. This isn't easy to share. Some thoughts follow.
At age 23 it didn't work out. At age 33 you contacted her and she wasn't interested (and blocked you?). You noted this at the time:
I would suggest that you re-read your own comments above and then ask yourself if you still want to pursue her.
It's very easy for random people online to say "next" as the answer to any relationship problem, but in this case, the answer seems quite clear to an outsider.
Here are some suggestions to move forward. You can pick and choose some ideas that may work for you.
Stage 1: moving on
Stage 2: mapping your path
- Accept that you had a strong attachment to your EX, that this represented a meaningful bond, but that bond is now of no use. Be gentle on yourself when you notice thoughts and feelings about her arising. These will pass.
- Tell your friend that you have no interest in her and to never mention her again. Block and delete all social media and contact options.
- Remove or destroy any disposal things that remind you of her.
- Start a new thread on CIK to document your new path, as symbolic step forward.
- At age 33 you are in prime marriage years in the eyes of women aged mid 20s to early 30s. You are in a good position.
- Don't leave your future up to faith alone, without works. Taking control over what you can influence doesn't have to be at odds with accepting that the greater scheme of things are beyond any of our hands. I've addresses several critisisms of "game" here: https://christisking.cc/threads/the...er-enlightenment-thread.536/page-2#post-13779
- Commit to a plan of action. You said you'll try until 38. I'd give it until 40 at least. This gives you a clear timeframe to settle down so you feel compelled to act; however, this also doesn't rush you which means you'll be less needy.
- Write down your big picture goals by age 40 and share them with a select few people who care about you, want you to succeed, and who you respect.
Stage 3: your new life starts now
- Develop abundance through socialising. This will take the pressure off things going right with any particular girl. Apps are risky but can work in some cases. A combination of avenues is generally recommended. Here is an experience-based framework to consider, which offers some realistic tips for Christian Men seeking to navigate the modern dating market: http://christisking.cc/threads/are-dating-apps-in-any-way-good-for-christians.119/page-3#post-2832
- Keep working on your social skills, understanding of women, and improving your attractiveness and your husband market value. Here is a good channel to understand these core principles:
- Develop detachment through church involvement and prayer. This will help to maintain a sense of contentment and peace even if things don't work out with women.
- Remember: It's better to stay single forever than get locked into a relationship with the wrong woman who does not and will not look UP to you. P.S. Stay away from committing to single mums, as explained here: http://christisking.cc/threads/finding-a-traditional-wife-abroad.42/#post-3177
- That said, try to avoid using your conservative values and standards as an excuse for not taking action or risking failure. Consider cultivating willingness to take risks and expose yourself to rejection. More on this here: http://christisking.cc/threads/how-...istian-being-formerly-in-game.711/#post-27186
- Develop and maintain a fulfilling, purposeful and varied life outside of women, including church/community life, work and career, friendships and other relationships with family, colleagues or others, and other hobbies/interests that give you a sense of intrinsic interest.
- Maintain your health and wellbeng: including physical health and mental/emotional peace and resilience. This is very important for its own sake, and for relationships. I explained this principle in relation to attracting and maintaining relationships with younger women here: http://christisking.cc/threads/marriage-virgins-vs-non-virgins.850/page-3#post-38821
I hope this helps. And again, respect for the open sharing. It takes courage to admit these things to yourself, let alone others. All the best.
Thanks Steady Hands - will get to work on it. Honestly, I shared it here because I want REAL solutions and don’t want to spend a cubic butt ton on therapy - a lot of these therapists just got their masters and haven’t even had a girlfriend / boyfriend yet. How would they know what they’re talking about? Just a bunch of mindless theories. You guys have wives and girlfriends so you know how these things are and this forum well… gets stuff done. I want results, not talk, which therapy is.
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Oh yea, that's 100% a lost cause. If anything she should be coming to you.
Definitely time to look at greener pastures. Hit the gym, best your best self, learn to dance, meet new girls, etc.
Absolutely all of this, go better yourself in every way you can. Now is the time, it will help you move on, make you stronger and ultimately attract a better mate.
Steady hands also suggested a new thread. I might do it. “Kavemans Kapers” document my transition from sad sap full of grief that only got interested in Orthodoxy again because of the pandemic to best version of myself.
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Stop don't talk about yourself like that, you're not a sad sap you're a strong Christian man with a good heart. A weak man with a bad heart wouldn't be so hurt over this, you're hurt because you're a good man and you want better for yourself. That is not weakness that is strength, you should want better and you should now work towards that betterment.
Thought I'd pipe up here. My advice: Do not ever try to save a girl or convert a girl. Find someone strong in their faith. I know many examples of people trying (explicitly or implicitly) to "save" someone in their relationship. It's a terrible road to go down. Don't feel bad for them or whatever, cut the cord. It will be a constant tiring demand on you to pull them to your level (which you shouldn't be doing anyways) and it is very easy for them to resent you at some point in the future when you don't add up to the savior they thought you would be.
There are better women out there.
I agree 100%
Usually the "I can save her" thing is just a cope to resolve the conflict of being a Christian and pursuing a relationship outside of that context. Its entirely plausible that you'd be doing the opposite of saving them if you make a relationship conditional upon their conversion, or try to push it. You'll just become the "ex who tried to make me go to church".
You need a woman who is already godly. Ideally in some ways moreso than you, so that they make you feel like you need to up your game a bit in that regard.
With someone who isn't Christian at all, you'll end up fornicating, and they'll eventually become your ex. No point going down that road.
I guess that is the Christian version of the old wisdom you can't turn a hoe into a housewife or as the younger people might say don't be captain save a hoe.
Further updates:
I ran into a mutual friend from our days together. Me and the woman in questions mutual friend, we had drinks together - the mutual friend I mean. She gave me this long winded speech the gal in question has no interest in anything that I’ve developed in, grown in, or have to say along the way. I’m entitled to think she owes me time because we were so close and engaged. She - the mutual friend I mean - said she knows I’m not a bad guy hence the why she’s here, but… this is it. I’ve had enough doors closed… this is probably forever. Perhaps this is an answer to my prayers for an answer.
Lord Jesus Christ, only son of god, have mercy on me a sinner.
To my brothers on this forum I’m sorry if I’ve seen more unhinged on other issues discussed on here lately. I’m close to a hop skip and a jump to endorsing Francoism on some threads. Closing out a chapters rough sometimes.
I ran into a mutual friend from our days together. Me and the woman in questions mutual friend, we had drinks together - the mutual friend I mean. She gave me this long winded speech the gal in question has no interest in anything that I’ve developed in, grown in, or have to say along the way. I’m entitled to think she owes me time because we were so close and engaged. She - the mutual friend I mean - said she knows I’m not a bad guy hence the why she’s here, but… this is it. I’ve had enough doors closed… this is probably forever. Perhaps this is an answer to my prayers for an answer.
Lord Jesus Christ, only son of god, have mercy on me a sinner.
To my brothers on this forum I’m sorry if I’ve seen more unhinged on other issues discussed on here lately. I’m close to a hop skip and a jump to endorsing Francoism on some threads. Closing out a chapters rough sometimes.
Forget about this girl and train yourself to ignore and shun any thoughts about her, dont allow your mind to drift.
You still very young you could meet a young girl in her twenties and get married in future, this is a blessing, why on earth would you even want to pursue and revive a relationshop with a girl who isnt Orthodox and into witchcraft? Whats gonna happen when you have kids with someone like this?
Pretty much the plan - this is just some oddities that happened over the weekend. I honestly didn’t see it coming. But I think like I said above - all the answers I need.
And you’re right - interfaith relationships with an orthodox Christian is kind of rough kind of like observant Jew or Muslim interfaith relationships. Catholicism used to be the same way too which is why in ye olden times families would freak out over someone marrying a Catholic. Not so much anymore.
Also before you guys clown on me too hard, I didn’t seek out the situation weeks ago that led to the update. I kind of walked into it. Literally.
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Since you mentioned this thread elsewhere I visited it.
One visualization exercise I found helpful a long time ago is if you get yourself into a good, meditative, prayerful state first. Go through whatever ritual you are used to clear your mind and focus.
You try to visualize the cord connecting you to that person. For me it looked like a long silver thread. Then find the thread and cut it, and let it dissipate.
One visualization exercise I found helpful a long time ago is if you get yourself into a good, meditative, prayerful state first. Go through whatever ritual you are used to clear your mind and focus.
You try to visualize the cord connecting you to that person. For me it looked like a long silver thread. Then find the thread and cut it, and let it dissipate.
I would completely stop engaging with the mutual ‘friend’. I don’t know the ins and outs of your situation, but having some sort of go between to discuss your ex is just weird to me.
I feel ya man, closing a door when you had your hopes up is tough, but we’re not living in a normal environment especially with females.
There is great freedom in serving God and being a free man so to speak. Maybe that’s your path or you’ll meet someone else and forget about her.
I don’t anymore those events were a month or so ago. After me and her conversation, I don’t. By now she knows I want to reach out because people talk. If dialogues not being created, there’s nothing I can do. I want to forget about her. I know I’m 34 but my goal is I’m trying to look very fu… kissable and I hope I’ll find a wife 10 years younger, or same age or older with no kids. The big thing is Mrs. Kaveman needs to at least be open minded about my spirituality and not be a Marxist harpy who thinks Christianity is terrible.
And honestly, recent posts on here came from another thread. IQ is overrated. Gal in question was smarter than me and everyone on here sounds like they’re wanting an IQ 130 spergette, didn’t do anything for me or else I never would’ve made this thread. We had some very fun and interesting pillow talk though
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Listen brother go to the gym, go to church, take up some hobbies, go out with your friends, talk to people be social, spend time with your family and people that love you......that is the best way to move on and get yourself right.
I had a devastating break up last spring and I laid around for MONTHS like an idiot thinking I need to be honorable and mourn it. That was beyond stupid, she sure as shit wasn't doing that for me I came to find out full well and all I did was make myself more miserable. I thought I was being a good man by being in solitude and not throwing myself out there again, that it was the right thing to do to mourn a past relationship because it meant so much to me instead of just acting like it never happened like a shitty heartless person.
I cannot begin to tell you how retarded that was, I went full retard 100%.
As soon as I started doing the aforementioned things I got better really quick and it was like a revelation seeing how many people missed me and wanted to be around me, wanted to actually see me happy.....old friends, new friends and family. Yea there are times when I still think back on it but now it's anger instead of despair and it's honestly almost where it doesn't matter to me at all anymore, it's dissipating as it should be and needs to.
What you feel today, the hurt in your heart, there will come a day where you don't feel that anymore. Where this was just another chapter in your life that has nothing to do with your life anymore and it doesn't bother you. Start getting yourself to that point now, please do that brother.
You are a strong righteous Christian man, you are valuable and rare don't ever forget that or think otherwise it will never not be true.
God Bless you and give you strength!
I had a devastating break up last spring and I laid around for MONTHS like an idiot thinking I need to be honorable and mourn it. That was beyond stupid, she sure as shit wasn't doing that for me I came to find out full well and all I did was make myself more miserable. I thought I was being a good man by being in solitude and not throwing myself out there again, that it was the right thing to do to mourn a past relationship because it meant so much to me instead of just acting like it never happened like a shitty heartless person.
I cannot begin to tell you how retarded that was, I went full retard 100%.
As soon as I started doing the aforementioned things I got better really quick and it was like a revelation seeing how many people missed me and wanted to be around me, wanted to actually see me happy.....old friends, new friends and family. Yea there are times when I still think back on it but now it's anger instead of despair and it's honestly almost where it doesn't matter to me at all anymore, it's dissipating as it should be and needs to.
What you feel today, the hurt in your heart, there will come a day where you don't feel that anymore. Where this was just another chapter in your life that has nothing to do with your life anymore and it doesn't bother you. Start getting yourself to that point now, please do that brother.
You are a strong righteous Christian man, you are valuable and rare don't ever forget that or think otherwise it will never not be true.
God Bless you and give you strength!
Appreciate it brother.