Sounds like you dodged a bullet really. Sounds like she has daddy issues.
Help with an ex issue, not a joke or troll
- Thread starter KulturedKaveman
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Sounds like you dodged a bullet really. Sounds like she has daddy issues.
Brother....relationships are nothing but business transactions to Jews. Does not matter how she was raised, trust me I have seen this multiple times. She found a better transaction and that's all that matters, love, emotion, bond, the past, even religion.....it means nothing above the transaction. Of course she would have converted, you were the best transaction at the time and for whatever reason you stopped being that.....nothing else matters.
There is also the aspect of chasing another man's woman, that's on you but that's a different topic altogether.
Find your inner strength and pride, move on. You'll be stronger and better for it. You may not see it today but there will come a day when you are a better man for having found the strength to move on from this.
There is also the aspect of chasing another man's woman, that's on you but that's a different topic altogether.
Find your inner strength and pride, move on. You'll be stronger and better for it. You may not see it today but there will come a day when you are a better man for having found the strength to move on from this.
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Dude, no offense but this girl seems like a terrible fit. Count your blessings and move on.
@Steady Hands
Thanks Steady Hands - will get to work on it. Honestly, I shared it here because I want REAL solutions and don’t want to spend a cubic butt ton on therapy - a lot of these therapists just got their masters and haven’t even had a girlfriend / boyfriend yet. How would they know what they’re talking about? Just a bunch of mindless theories. You guys have wives and girlfriends so you know how these things are and this forum well… gets stuff done. I want results, not talk, which therapy is.
Respect for reaching out here. This isn't easy to share. Some thoughts follow.
At age 23 it didn't work out. At age 33 you contacted her and she wasn't interested (and blocked you?). You noted this at the time:
I would suggest that you re-read your own comments above and then ask yourself if you still want to pursue her.
It's very easy for random people online to say "next" as the answer to any relationship problem, but in this case, the answer seems quite clear to an outsider.
Here are some suggestions to move forward. You can pick and choose some ideas that may work for you.
Stage 1: moving on
Stage 2: mapping your path
- Accept that you had a strong attachment to your EX, that this represented a meaningful bond, but that bond is now of no use. Be gentle on yourself when you notice thoughts and feelings about her arising. These will pass.
- Tell your friend that you have no interest in her and to never mention her again. Block and delete all social media and contact options.
- Remove or destroy any disposal things that remind you of her.
- Start a new thread on CIK to document your new path, as symbolic step forward.
- At age 33 you are in prime marriage years in the eyes of women aged mid 20s to early 30s. You are in a good position.
- Don't leave your future up to faith alone, without works. Taking control over what you can influence doesn't have to be at odds with accepting that the greater scheme of things are beyond any of our hands. I've addresses several critisisms of "game" here: https://christisking.cc/threads/the...er-enlightenment-thread.536/page-2#post-13779
- Commit to a plan of action. You said you'll try until 38. I'd give it until 40 at least. This gives you a clear timeframe to settle down so you feel compelled to act; however, this also doesn't rush you which means you'll be less needy.
- Write down your big picture goals by age 40 and share them with a select few people who care about you, want you to succeed, and who you respect.
Stage 3: your new life starts now
- Develop abundance through socialising. This will take the pressure off things going right with any particular girl. Apps are risky but can work in some cases. A combination of avenues is generally recommended. Here is an experience-based framework to consider, which offers some realistic tips for Christian Men seeking to navigate the modern dating market: http://christisking.cc/threads/are-dating-apps-in-any-way-good-for-christians.119/page-3#post-2832
- Keep working on your social skills, understanding of women, and improving your attractiveness and your husband market value. Here is a good channel to understand these core principles:
- Develop detachment through church involvement and prayer. This will help to maintain a sense of contentment and peace even if things don't work out with women.
- Remember: It's better to stay single forever than get locked into a relationship with the wrong woman who does not and will not look UP to you. P.S. Stay away from committing to single mums, as explained here: http://christisking.cc/threads/finding-a-traditional-wife-abroad.42/#post-3177
- That said, try to avoid using your conservative values and standards as an excuse for not taking action or risking failure. Consider cultivating willingness to take risks and expose yourself to rejection. More on this here: http://christisking.cc/threads/how-...istian-being-formerly-in-game.711/#post-27186
- Develop and maintain a fulfilling, purposeful and varied life outside of women, including church/community life, work and career, friendships and other relationships with family, colleagues or others, and other hobbies/interests that give you a sense of intrinsic interest.
- Maintain your health and wellbeng: including physical health and mental/emotional peace and resilience. This is very important for its own sake, and for relationships. I explained this principle in relation to attracting and maintaining relationships with younger women here: http://christisking.cc/threads/marriage-virgins-vs-non-virgins.850/page-3#post-38821
I hope this helps. And again, respect for the open sharing. It takes courage to admit these things to yourself, let alone others. All the best.
Thanks Steady Hands - will get to work on it. Honestly, I shared it here because I want REAL solutions and don’t want to spend a cubic butt ton on therapy - a lot of these therapists just got their masters and haven’t even had a girlfriend / boyfriend yet. How would they know what they’re talking about? Just a bunch of mindless theories. You guys have wives and girlfriends so you know how these things are and this forum well… gets stuff done. I want results, not talk, which therapy is.
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Oh yea, that's 100% a lost cause. If anything she should be coming to you.
Definitely time to look at greener pastures. Hit the gym, best your best self, learn to dance, meet new girls, etc.
Absolutely all of this, go better yourself in every way you can. Now is the time, it will help you move on, make you stronger and ultimately attract a better mate.
Steady hands also suggested a new thread. I might do it. “Kavemans Kapers” document my transition from sad sap full of grief that only got interested in Orthodoxy again because of the pandemic to best version of myself.
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Stop don't talk about yourself like that, you're not a sad sap you're a strong Christian man with a good heart. A weak man with a bad heart wouldn't be so hurt over this, you're hurt because you're a good man and you want better for yourself. That is not weakness that is strength, you should want better and you should now work towards that betterment.
Thought I'd pipe up here. My advice: Do not ever try to save a girl or convert a girl. Find someone strong in their faith. I know many examples of people trying (explicitly or implicitly) to "save" someone in their relationship. It's a terrible road to go down. Don't feel bad for them or whatever, cut the cord. It will be a constant tiring demand on you to pull them to your level (which you shouldn't be doing anyways) and it is very easy for them to resent you at some point in the future when you don't add up to the savior they thought you would be.
There are better women out there.
I agree 100%
Usually the "I can save her" thing is just a cope to resolve the conflict of being a Christian and pursuing a relationship outside of that context. Its entirely plausible that you'd be doing the opposite of saving them if you make a relationship conditional upon their conversion, or try to push it. You'll just become the "ex who tried to make me go to church".
You need a woman who is already godly. Ideally in some ways moreso than you, so that they make you feel like you need to up your game a bit in that regard.
With someone who isn't Christian at all, you'll end up fornicating, and they'll eventually become your ex. No point going down that road.
I guess that is the Christian version of the old wisdom you can't turn a hoe into a housewife or as the younger people might say don't be captain save a hoe.