Based books on raising children

[Get2choppaaa]

You are both very lucky to have been raised in such loving households. I would postulate that you would still have this great relationship with your parents without the spankings. The spankings aren't the reason you both turned out to be healthy men. You turned out the way you did in spite of the spankings because the love in your home consistently outweighed the anger your parents felt toward you when they spanked you. Most children aren't so lucky.

It was a both and situation and not an Either Or. Because both my parents loved me AND knew when it was appropriate to provide corporal punishment, I love them.

Yes Pavlov worked with his dog on this. Young children are not dogs, however there are some distinct similarities in effectively training the two species. I know this because I am a professional dog trainer as well and like with training a child I would never hit a dog during training. So if we don't hit dogs to train them effectively then why wouldn't we extend the same courtesy to a human child? Check out Cesar Milan's The Dog Whisperer if you want to understand how to correct a young child's negative behavior without hitting them. Cesar does not use physical violence to train dogs that are behaviorly off the rails and physically dangerous to men. If Cesar can correct a biting pit bull's deadly behavior without physical aggression then surely we as adults can get young children to say hello to their teacher without hitting them with a belt.

I breed and raise dogs myself so I'm not a neophyte in this subject.

Caesar absolutely uses physical force (according to some it's violence )on dogs. He pins them all the time and or uses tools like a prong collar. YOU go watch the videos sir. They're plenty of them.

It's literally no different.

The point is how the tool is used and the timing, duration, and severity.

 

[GoodShepherd]

It's not my version of science (Piaget, Vygotsky, Montessori, Gerber, Rosseau, Locke, Skinner, etc.). Keep in mind I am talking about young children (ages 1 through 5). I have worked with over 100 children in this age group and their parents over a 20 year period and have seen these children grow into adults. How many 3-year-olds have you worked with? Five for a period of 12 months of which during this time their teacher spent more hours of focused attention on them and observing them than you did because of your work schedule? In addition, there are differences between 3 year-olds and 4 year-olds so by the time most parents have begun to understand what being 3 is for the child the child has already moved on to being 4. As a result, parents often report feeling one step behind in their parenting (because they are).

We look around and see all these laissez faire, woke, "peacefully" parented children that could definitely use a good ass beating and think, "Spare the rod spoil the child." But this is not the population of parents and children I'm talking about (I'm addressing healthy, loving CiK parents). I get it. You don't feel that parenting is a science. In some cases it's not because some parents are just naturally gifted at raising healthy, happy, creative human beings who can make decisions for themselves. However, most parents could use some instruction of their own.

I'm saying that hitting children doesn't make any sense and ultimately doesn't work. You disagree with that. That's fine. In civil society we don't let two men who are each 200 pounds and evenly matched hit each other, and so if you think a 200 pound man hitting a 30 pound child is okay and fair "play," then have at it.

Let the beatings commence.

The Bible says a lot of things that can easily be misinterpreted and so I'm not going to engage you on parenting instructions written 2000 years ago. You haven't really understood what I've currently written. Hitting a 3 year-old and/or trying to verbally "reason" with them is a fools errand. But if you enjoy getting into a game of wits with a chicken then be my guest.

I myself was spanked as a child and they are horrible memories that I will never forget. And I don't remember the "lesson" of the spanking, just the spanking itself and how it made me despise my parents and wish I was big enough to hit them back. Why risk burdening your child with lifelong memories of physical violence between you and them when there are more effective ways to get the results you want?

How does hitting your child make you feel? Does it make you feel good? Is it something you enjoy? If the answer is "no," then why continue doing it?

Thats a bad analogy to use about 2 guys the same weight fighting each other, we are not fightng with our kids this isnt about dominance or fighting its simply a correction. Lots of us so far on this thread were spanked and now that we are adults we understand that we deserved it and that it was good for us. Im trying to figure out why you were upset with your parents for hitting you, why did you feel you wanted to hit them back? Didnt you do anything wrong?

 

[PurpleUrkel]

It was a both and situation and not an Either Or. Because both my parents loved me AND knew when it was appropriate to provide corporal punishment, I love them.

I breed and raise dogs myself so I'm not a neophyte in this subject.

Caesar absolutely uses physical force (according to some it's violence )on dogs. He pins them all the time and or uses tools like a prong collar. YOU go watch the videos sir. They're plenty of them.

It's literally no different.

The point is how the tool is used and the timing, duration, and severity.

Yes, he uses those tactics for some dogs that are dangerous or have severe behavioral problems but he doesn't hit them. He never hits dogs, much less puppies. We're talking about puppies.

It sounds like with all you do with breeding/training dogs (a very time consuming process), having 5 or 6 kids, a wife to keep happy, a full time job, a house/property to manage, investments to attend to, friends/family to spend time with, hobbies, etc. that you seek expediency in disciplining your children and that hitting them is your solution to your problem(s). That's fine, but don't assert to other young parents (here and elsewhere) who may have more time and interest in studying the science of child development that hitting children is the only way to discipline them "properly," that hitting children does only good and no harm, and that if you don't hit your children that you are not a good parent. That is a lie.

At any rate, I don't have a dog in this fight and there is no interest in the finer points of what I've written so I'll bow out of this thread now. If you enjoy hitting children and it makes you and them feel good about your relationship with each other and has only positive effects with no downside then by all means let the spankings continue. I mean, really, when all is said and done, what would childhood even really be without a good ass-whooping?

 

[SeekingTruth]

Who told you that by giving a little spank you will mess a child up? Im trying to wonder where you got this idea from?

I read the exact opposite in the scriptures.

Nothing has yet to be defined as a "little spank". It was previously described as belts and fear based tactics. Mental trauma inflicted by physical punishment causing long term psychological damage to someone is pretty common sense.

I just always saw it as a lower IQ tactic to maintain control. The fighters fight usually when they aren't able to use words effectively.

 

[Get2choppaaa]

Yes, he uses those tactics for some dogs that are dangerous or have severe behavioral problems but he doesn't hit them. He never hits dogs, much less puppies. We're talking about puppies.

It sounds like with all you do with breeding/training dogs (a very time consuming process), having 5 or 6 kids, a wife to keep happy, a full time job, a house/property to manage, investments to attend to, friends/family to spend time with, hobbies, etc. that you seek expediency in disciplining your children and that hitting them is your solution to your problem(s). That's fine, but don't assert to other young parents (here and elsewhere) who may have more time and interest in studying the science of child development that hitting children is the only way to discipline them "properly," that hitting children does only good and no harm, and that if you don't hit your children that you are not a good parent. That is a lie.

At any rate, I don't have a dog in this fight and there is no interest in the finer points of what I've written so I'll bow out of this thread now. If you enjoy hitting children and it makes you and them feel good about your relationship with each other and has only positive effects with no downside then by all means let the spankings continue. I mean, really, when all is said and done, what would childhood even really be without a good ass-whooping?

You're putting a lot of words in the mouth here about enjoying having to discipline children and your description is pretty juicy with spin. I reject your patent mis characterisations.

Usually when someone starts spinning and lying it's a sign of a week argument. I didn't do that to you.... Which could have been done.

Frankly a little disengenuous to what I said repeatedly about context. I never said it is The ONLY way. You should actually go back and read what was said. I said it was A TOOL and is appropriate in some situations and not all, and sparingly. I'll assume it's not your reading comprehension that is lacking and just an attempt to characterize the statements to prove your point...

I have no problem with people choosing to spank or not spank. I just don't appreciate the your bullshit comment that I enjoy hitting children. The discipline should not be driven by a parents passion in the moment. Nowhere did I say that.

 

[starlight]

Maybe your kids are different? Iv heard from some people that the dogs in USA dont bark at people much when you walking down the street but here in SA all the dogs bark at you through the gates when you walk past their homes.

Im not calling myself a good parent either I dont know time will tell, Im probably not a good enough parent sometimes and I dont think it has anything to do with the spanking its other things.

An old boomer friend of mine when he was in school the corprol punishment back then was really strict and his teacher used to use the corner of a wooden ruler to hit the kids knuckles and he said thats thanks this teacher he was able to learn maths, this is an extreme case, when I went to school there was also coprol punishment but then after some years they stopped it in all schools.

Most of the times I will just use my hands but situations when I use a belt is for extreme cases and spank them on their butts or tops of their hands, sometimes both. For example, if we go out as a family and they were really misbehaving and were rude and disobedient then I had to tell them when we getting home they getting spanked, the ideal thing would have been to spank them in public on the spot but because South Africa is also becoming woke we have to be careful and do it behind closed doors, when I was a boy kids used to get spanked in public all the time including with belts and nobody paid much attendtion to it.

There was a time 2 of my kids refused to say good morning to their school teacher everyday when I dropped them off at school, they ignored her and just walk through the door, after weeks of me correcting them verbally they still didnt say good morning, the one day I got really mad about it and told them when they get home they gonna get spanked and I used the belt, they cried and the next day they said good morning problem solved, it had to be done, what would you have done as a parent in a situation like that?

When I first read your post I assumed your kids were elementary aged children where deliberately not saying "good morning" to a teacher is indeed very rude and that would definitely need to be addressed. However, after reading your posts later on, it appears that the children were preschool ("nursery school") age which would put them at around 3-4 and that is a wholly different age group with very different expectations, even age 3 is very different from age 4. So, if it were my kid and they were three and didn't want to greet their teacher at the door but everything else regarding their behavior/interactions at school were fine, I would keep encouraging them to say "good morning" but also try suggesting even just a high-five or a wave Something to get them to acknowledge their teacher. If they don't do it right away, that's fine. It's something to work toward because, again, they are still only three. I would rather my kid greet their teacher because they are confident and comfortable rather than afraid of being punished. I would also ask them why they don't want to say good morning and kind of figure out what is going on there. One approach that I've found very useful and effective for children this age (especially for teaching about manners and how to act in various social interactions) is "pretend play." Basically, you play with your children using dolls or stuffed animals, GI Joes, etc., and act out the scenario you're trying to teach. This gives you the chance to show the right and wrong way to act in a certain situation. It also gives your child the chance to practice the correct behavior. So, your situation with the teacher for example: you would act out (with the toys) what your child is doing but in an exaggerated way. One doll is the teacher, one your child. Teacher says "good morning!" Child "No! I won't say good morning! I don't like you!" (or something like that) Teacher starts to cry and says "that hurt my feelings! Wah!" What this does is shows the child what they are doing but in their own language and then you can talk about what happened in that scenario. After that, act out the behavior that you want to encourage but exaggerated. Kid "good morning Teacher!" Teacher "Thank you for saying good morning! That made me very happy!" Everyone says "yay!" Then talk about what happened and why it was a better choice to say good morning. I know it seems kind of silly but I've found this to be very effective with little kids. It also gives you a chance, as a parent, to show/talk about making the right or "good" choices and that how we act effects others.

If it was my kid and they were older (let's say 10), I would have used a different strategy. Example: Son won't say good morning to his teacher. I tell him he's being rude and disrespectful and that he needs to say good morning. He says no, I won't. I say "if you won't be polite to your teacher and say good morning I am taking away [favorite toy/privilege]. When you decide to say good morning then you can have it back." Every time they ask for the item/privilege I calmly remind them they can have it back once they start saying good morning to their teacher. It might take a day or two, maybe a week if they're being stubborn, but they always give in. This strategy is useful because 1) you avoid a power struggle and 2) you give your kid the chance to make the right choice. Once they make the right choice (you have to trust that they will), give the item/privilege back and acknowledge them with a bit of praise ("I knew you would make the right choice.") and move on.

All in all, I think using a belt on a three/four year old (or hypothetical ten year old) to make them say good morning is an extreme over-reaction to the situation and could be handled in a different way that, while more involved, is more effective, especially long-term.

You said that maybe my kids "were different" but they're really not. I mostly spent a lot of time and effort with them when they were little (which is the proper thing for me to do, I am their mother after all) and now I have very few behavior issues with them now that they're older and the ones that do pop-up are minor and simple to deal with. I largely agree with everything @PurpleUrkel wrote (minus the personal attacks).

Anyway, the book I always recommend new parents is Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and then Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers.

 

[PurpleUrkel]

I just don't appreciate the your bullshit comment that I enjoy hitting children.

That was tongue and cheek to illicit a response to the below question you never answered. I was trying to peel the onion back a bit but do admit it was a bit of a fail. I know you're a good father trying to do the best for your children and so I do apologize for "trying to be right" and hence getting some words wrong and rushing to judgement. At any rate, I'm out and wish you and your family all the best. God Bless.

How does hitting your child make you feel? Does it make you feel good? Is it something you enjoy? If the answer is "no," then why continue doing it?

 

[GoodShepherd]

When I first read your post I assumed your kids were elementary aged children where deliberately not saying "good morning" to a teacher is indeed very rude and that would definitely need to be addressed. However, after reading your posts later on, it appears that the children were preschool ("nursery school") age which would put them at around 3-4 and that is a wholly different age group with very different expectations, even age 3 is very different from age 4. So, if it were my kid and they were three and didn't want to greet their teacher at the door but everything else regarding their behavior/interactions at school were fine, I would keep encouraging them to say "good morning" but also try suggesting even just a high-five or a wave Something to get them to acknowledge their teacher. If they don't do it right away, that's fine. It's something to work toward because, again, they are still only three. I would rather my kid greet their teacher because they are confident and comfortable rather than afraid of being punished. I would also ask them why they don't want to say good morning and kind of figure out what is going on there. One approach that I've found very useful and effective for children this age (especially for teaching about manners and how to act in various social interactions) is "pretend play." Basically, you play with your children using dolls or stuffed animals, GI Joes, etc., and act out the scenario you're trying to teach. This gives you the chance to show the right and wrong way to act in a certain situation. It also gives your child the chance to practice the correct behavior. So, your situation with the teacher for example: you would act out (with the toys) what your child is doing but in an exaggerated way. One doll is the teacher, one your child. Teacher says "good morning!" Child "No! I won't say good morning! I don't like you!" (or something like that) Teacher starts to cry and says "that hurt my feelings! Wah!" What this does is shows the child what they are doing but in their own language and then you can talk about what happened in that scenario. After that, act out the behavior that you want to encourage but exaggerated. Kid "good morning Teacher!" Teacher "Thank you for saying good morning! That made me very happy!" Everyone says "yay!" Then talk about what happened and why it was a better choice to say good morning. I know it seems kind of silly but I've found this to be very effective with little kids. It also gives you a chance, as a parent, to show/talk about making the right or "good" choices and that how we act effects others.

If it was my kid and they were older (let's say 10), I would have used a different strategy. Example: Son won't say good morning to his teacher. I tell him he's being rude and disrespectful and that he needs to say good morning. He says no, I won't. I say "if you won't be polite to your teacher and say good morning I am taking away [favorite toy/privilege]. When you decide to say good morning then you can have it back." Every time they ask for the item/privilege I calmly remind them they can have it back once they start saying good morning to their teacher. It might take a day or two, maybe a week if they're being stubborn, but they always give in. This strategy is useful because 1) you avoid a power struggle and 2) you give your kid the chance to make the right choice. Once they make the right choice (you have to trust that they will), give the item/privilege back and acknowledge them with a bit of praise ("I knew you would make the right choice.") and move on.

All in all, I think using a belt on a three/four year old (or hypothetical ten year old) to make them say good morning is an extreme over-reaction to the situation and could be handled in a different way that, while more involved, is more effective, especially long-term.

You said that maybe my kids "were different" but they're really not. I mostly spent a lot of time and effort with them when they were little (which is the proper thing for me to do, I am their mother after all) and now I have very few behavior issues with them now that they're older and the ones that do pop-up are minor and simple to deal with. I largely agree with everything @PurpleUrkel wrote (minus the personal attacks).

Anyway, the book I always recommend new parents is Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and then Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers.

At the time my son was 5 when this happened and he knew how to greet and to be social, then he went through a phase, it was during this phase that this happened

 

[GoodShepherd]

Nothing has yet to be defined as a "little spank". It was previously described as belts and fear based tactics. Mental trauma inflicted by physical punishment causing long term psychological damage to someone is pretty common sense.

I just always saw it as a lower IQ tactic to maintain control. The fighters fight usually when they aren't able to use words effectively.

A belt stings more but isnt as hard as a hand, a belt is soft

 

[SeekingTruth]

When I first read your post I assumed your kids were elementary aged children where deliberately not saying "good morning" to a teacher is indeed very rude and that would definitely need to be addressed. However, after reading your posts later on, it appears that the children were preschool ("nursery school") age which would put them at around 3-4 and that is a wholly different age group with very different expectations, even age 3 is very different from age 4. So, if it were my kid and they were three and didn't want to greet their teacher at the door but everything else regarding their behavior/interactions at school were fine, I would keep encouraging them to say "good morning" but also try suggesting even just a high-five or a wave Something to get them to acknowledge their teacher. If they don't do it right away, that's fine. It's something to work toward because, again, they are still only three. I would rather my kid greet their teacher because they are confident and comfortable rather than afraid of being punished. I would also ask them why they don't want to say good morning and kind of figure out what is going on there. One approach that I've found very useful and effective for children this age (especially for teaching about manners and how to act in various social interactions) is "pretend play." Basically, you play with your children using dolls or stuffed animals, GI Joes, etc., and act out the scenario you're trying to teach. This gives you the chance to show the right and wrong way to act in a certain situation. It also gives your child the chance to practice the correct behavior. So, your situation with the teacher for example: you would act out (with the toys) what your child is doing but in an exaggerated way. One doll is the teacher, one your child. Teacher says "good morning!" Child "No! I won't say good morning! I don't like you!" (or something like that) Teacher starts to cry and says "that hurt my feelings! Wah!" What this does is shows the child what they are doing but in their own language and then you can talk about what happened in that scenario. After that, act out the behavior that you want to encourage but exaggerated. Kid "good morning Teacher!" Teacher "Thank you for saying good morning! That made me very happy!" Everyone says "yay!" Then talk about what happened and why it was a better choice to say good morning. I know it seems kind of silly but I've found this to be very effective with little kids. It also gives you a chance, as a parent, to show/talk about making the right or "good" choices and that how we act effects others.

If it was my kid and they were older (let's say 10), I would have used a different strategy. Example: Son won't say good morning to his teacher. I tell him he's being rude and disrespectful and that he needs to say good morning. He says no, I won't. I say "if you won't be polite to your teacher and say good morning I am taking away [favorite toy/privilege]. When you decide to say good morning then you can have it back." Every time they ask for the item/privilege I calmly remind them they can have it back once they start saying good morning to their teacher. It might take a day or two, maybe a week if they're being stubborn, but they always give in. This strategy is useful because 1) you avoid a power struggle and 2) you give your kid the chance to make the right choice. Once they make the right choice (you have to trust that they will), give the item/privilege back and acknowledge them with a bit of praise ("I knew you would make the right choice.") and move on.

All in all, I think using a belt on a three/four year old (or hypothetical ten year old) to make them say good morning is an extreme over-reaction to the situation and could be handled in a different way that, while more involved, is more effective, especially long-term.

You said that maybe my kids "were different" but they're really not. I mostly spent a lot of time and effort with them when they were little (which is the proper thing for me to do, I am their mother after all) and now I have very few behavior issues with them now that they're older and the ones that do pop-up are minor and simple to deal with. I largely agree with everything @PurpleUrkel wrote (minus the personal attacks).

Anyway, the book I always recommend new parents is Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and then Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers.

I guess this is the women's forum, but I wonder how much help men get in these situations from women's advice (the author)? Much, much different role and point of view. How can a woman tell a man how to be a father?

 

[starlight]

I guess this is the women's forum, but I wonder how much help men get in these situations from women's advice (the author)? Much, much different role and point of view. How can a woman tell a man how to be a father?

Well, most of the advice given (in those books) can be used by any parent or caregiver. She isn't telling anyone how to be a "mother" or a "father" but effective techniques for taking care of babies and toddlers. While the books are generally aimed at women, the information really is for anyone who might find it useful.

 

[starlight]

I think its better to use a tool instead of your hands to spank a child as it mentions in the bible, spare not the "rod", our hands are to love our children, there are many times that Iv been too far away to go and fetch a belt and used my hands instead out of convenience. So 99.9% of the guiding I do with my kids is talk and being an example, the rest is correction that requires physical pinishment, I will give you an example.

My eldest and youngest had a terrible habit of playing with doors, opening and closing, this is dangerous, besides it disturbing the peace in the house someone is going to get their fingers caught, after much talking and verbal warning they didnt stop this game, it went on and eventually the youngest got his tiny finger slammed in the door really hard from the eldest, the best punishment in that situation in my opinion was physical spanking which I did to the eldest to teach him the severity of what just happened, besides disobeying me he physically harmed his younger brother and caused him much pain, he doesnt play with the doors anymore it solved the problem and he learnt a great lesson, my other kids who are still very young still play with the doors because they have never been spanked for playing with the doors so Iv noticed a difference between verbal and physical punishment in this situation and the physical punishment gave better results.

A physical spanking also has the advantage of being over with very quickly and the lesson is learnt faster compared to grounding a child for days/weeks by taking something they like away, later that day our relationship was mended and we loved each other and we carried on with life as normal.

I too was spanked as a child and to be honest I dont think I was spanked enough I always wished that I had been spanked more when I was older, my parents were loving and never abusive but 1 time I hurt my baby brother really bad and my mom broke a wooden spoon on me thats how hard she hit me and I always accepted that as just and as an adult looking back that was the right thing my mom did and I respect her for it and it showed me as a child the severity of what I did.

(Sorry to reply to another one of your posts. I'm sincerely not trying to pick on you and just trying to be helpful.) About the door-slamming, an easy fix is to just take hand towel and throw it over the top of the door near the hinge side. The towel prevents the door from closing.

 

[Get2choppaaa]

(Sorry to reply to another one of your posts. I'm sincerely not trying to pick on you and just trying to be helpful.) About the door-slamming, an easy fix is to just take hand towel and throw it over the top of the door near the hinge side. The towel prevents the door from closing.

This is well intentioned attempt at a solution but I also want to recognize that what the poster is talking about is behaviors and not just the noise of slamming the door.

I have lots of kids, many times they close doors harder than they should... I constantly get onto them for this. Recently my 10 year old slammed the front door while our 2 year old had his fingers on it trying to follow him out the door. He smashed them and nearly took of his fingers because he wasnt paying attention. I watched it all happen from 5 feet away as I was trying to stop it and was not able to block the door from being closed but did yell at him which delayed the door closing enough for the baby to move his hand slightly and only get smashed vs degloved.

Seems like an extreme case, but its really not.

Talking the 10 year old (or the 8 year old or the 6 year old) through why he should be careful and not slam slam the door over the last several months didnt solve the issue. His little 2 year old brother got hurt. He got spanked, and grounded. It was a mistake, but physical consequences were necessary in this case to reinforce a message that was repeatedly communicated in a non-physical manner until that message was obviously not received and someone was hurt due to negligence. He remembers it now.

 

[GoodShepherd]

(Sorry to reply to another one of your posts. I'm sincerely not trying to pick on you and just trying to be helpful.) About the door-slamming, an easy fix is to just take hand towel and throw it over the top of the door near the hinge side. The towel prevents the door from closing.

I get that towels prevent the doors from slamming and hurting their fingers but that isnt correcting their behaviour and not making my children obedient to their parents. Sure no problem you can ask and say whatever you like to me I really dont mind

 

[GoodShepherd]

This is well intentioned attempt at a solution but I also want to recognize that what the poster is talking about is behaviors and not just the noise of slamming the door.

I have lots of kids, many times they close doors harder than they should... I constantly get onto them for this. Recently my 10 year old slammed the front door while our 2 year old had his fingers on it trying to follow him out the door. He smashed them and nearly took of his fingers because he wasnt paying attention. I watched it all happen from 5 feet away as I was trying to stop it and was not able to block the door from being closed but did yell at him which delayed the door closing enough for the baby to move his hand slightly and only get smashed vs degloved.

Seems like an extreme case, but its really not.

Talking the 10 year old (or the 8 year old or the 6 year old) through why he should be careful and not slam slam the door over the last several months didnt solve the issue. His little 2 year old brother got hurt. He got spanked, and grounded. It was a mistake, but physical consequences were necessary in this case to reinforce a message that was repeatedly communicated in a non-physical manner until that message was obviously not received and someone was hurt due to negligence. He remembers it now.

Its amazing how we parents all have the same issues, kids slamming doors

 

[starlight]

I get that towels prevent the doors from slamming and hurting their fingers but that isnt correcting their behaviour and not making my children obedient to their parents. Sure no problem you can ask and say whatever you like to me I really dont mind

It actually does address this specific behavior and I'll tell you why:
1. It stops the slamming immediately: The positive feedback loop is broken. The whole reason kids start slamming doors is because it makes a "bang." Once the door doesn't make a "bang," it becomes very uninteresting to a child.
2. It prevents a door slamming habit: Yes, believe it or not, how we close a door is actually a habit learned over time. This prevents a bad habit from starting in the beginning.
3. It gives a chance to teach the correct way to close a door before the behavior becomes a problem.

 

[GoodShepherd]

It actually does address this specific behavior and I'll tell you why:
1. It stops the slamming immediately: The positive feedback loop is broken. The whole reason kids start slamming doors is because it makes a "bang." Once the door doesn't make a "bang," it becomes very uninteresting to a child.
2. It prevents a door slamming habit: Yes, believe it or not, how we close a door is actually a habit learned over time. This prevents a bad habit from starting in the beginning.
3. It gives a chance to teach the correct way to close a door before the behavior becomes a problem.

But they still opening and closing doors just that it has protection now, what if they running around the house am I suppose to put protective barriers on all the sharo edges around the house? I dont want them to run in the house full stop, what you think? Obviously I cant put a ball and chain around their legs even though that would also work

 

[starlight]

But they still opening and closing doors just that it has protection now, what if they running around the house am I suppose to put protective barriers on all the sharo edges around the house? I dont want them to run in the house full stop, what you think? Obviously I cant put a ball and chain around their legs even though that would also work

No, I'm not saying do any of that. I'm trying to show that there are other real ways instead spanking to get kids to behave. Like I wrote earlier, I did most of my "behavior training" with my kids when they were little because that is the easiest and most effective time to do it. It's important to teach the behaviors we want before they develop problem behaviors. Running through the house for example. It's a lot easier to teach a two year old to walk in the house than a six year old who is used to running. It's the same with slamming doors, using an indoor voice, please/thank you, picking up their toys, etc., basic kind of stuff. What could've been dealt with easier when they're little can turn into a headache when they're older. "Start as you mean to go on."

Also, I'm not pretending to be some kind of "parenting guru" with all the answers. I'm just sharing techniques that actually worked for our family and might be useful for someone else to try.

 

[Samseau]

I agree with Starlight, although I can see the value of a good spank. It can be necessary in extreme situations.

Personally I've always been a fan of tickle torture with misbehaving boys. Releases their energy and forces them to submit in a fun way. Has worked for every male in my family for generations. Spankings or violence are extremely rare.

Far more common is violence between brothers - that is a real threat and brothers in my family have seriously injured or hospitalized each other! But that's a different story. Violence between parent and child should be extremely rare.