Are dating apps in any way good for Christians?
- Thread starter God's lonely asperger
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Tinder and Bumble are full of young women using these platforms to promote their onlyfans pages. It's a disheartening development over the last few years. Tinder is the worst culprit for this but it's also on Bumble. I haven't used much of any of the other apps recently.
In the 2000s and 2010s online dating wasn't the racket it is today. They were less addictive, you didn't have to swipe through dozens of profiles to see everyone, and they didn't force you to pay for features that you need in order to get matches.
The way women look at "relationships" in the west, they literally are all versions of promiscuity, which you could quantify as socially acceptable vs less acceptable to taboo, on the spectrum of "online dating" to "sugaring" to outright pornography. The problem is that the first two are not considerably different except that (and this is just amazing) the tinders and bumbles of the world probably cost a guy more in time and money than the sugaring nonsense, with marginal differences in the "purity" of the girls in any case. There is a difference, but it is so vague at this point it is pathetic.
Parents who are age 40+ are largely helpless or clueless compared to the culture at this point, meaning their kids are pretty much swept away in the madness unless somehow they are stern and have control. That includes being caught up in college, careerism and weight issues which make most young women have little to no value by even age 26. What I'm curious about is the parents of young girls who are 5-11 right now, and what they'll turn out as in roughly 10 years or so. Do you think it'll be the same, or more dependent on what happens to the economy?
Parents who are age 40+ are largely helpless or clueless compared to the culture at this point, meaning their kids are pretty much swept away in the madness unless somehow they are stern and have control. That includes being caught up in college, careerism and weight issues which make most young women have little to no value by even age 26. What I'm curious about is the parents of young girls who are 5-11 right now, and what they'll turn out as in roughly 10 years or so. Do you think it'll be the same, or more dependent on what happens to the economy?
Kek, I just remembered. I had a friend from the southern part of the country that tried Tinder. He claims some faggots would mark their accounts as female just to appear on the straight section LOL. The Brazilian south is absolutely full of homos, if anyone doesn't know.
Your problem really seems to be communication based, rather than getting dates, you need to be able to communicate to people.
It's a hard ask, but the only way to do this is to chat to as many people as possible to gain experience. You could do this online if randomly chatting to people is a problem.
I looked at pua stuff years ago because I was very successful with women, but couldn't really tell why, nor why sometimes I would crash and burn.
I'm not an extroverted person, but I am confident, so chatting to people is something that comes naturally to me. I will chat to the person next to me when I go to the bar to get a round in and then never see them again.
I was successful with women because I was confident, cheeky and able to joke at my own expense (without sounding pathetic).
But the single most useful thing with women, was when I wasn't invested in actually getting that woman, I would talk to them the same, and the pressure was not there, therefore I seemed even more confident.
So basically, when you aren't desperate to make a connection, you are more likely to make that connection, whether that is a friend or woman.
That's basically a long winded way of explaining why just chatting to as many people as possible will be very useful. Just chat to anyone, anywhere, and if you have nothing in common use the environment as a subject ("Why is the barman so slow?" for example). Turn complaints into jokes and just chat like you don't care.
That's what I did, and one day I was just chatting to a group of people while my friend was at the toilet, and one of them turned out to be the woman who would be my wife.
It's a hard ask, but the only way to do this is to chat to as many people as possible to gain experience. You could do this online if randomly chatting to people is a problem.
I looked at pua stuff years ago because I was very successful with women, but couldn't really tell why, nor why sometimes I would crash and burn.
I'm not an extroverted person, but I am confident, so chatting to people is something that comes naturally to me. I will chat to the person next to me when I go to the bar to get a round in and then never see them again.
I was successful with women because I was confident, cheeky and able to joke at my own expense (without sounding pathetic).
But the single most useful thing with women, was when I wasn't invested in actually getting that woman, I would talk to them the same, and the pressure was not there, therefore I seemed even more confident.
So basically, when you aren't desperate to make a connection, you are more likely to make that connection, whether that is a friend or woman.
That's basically a long winded way of explaining why just chatting to as many people as possible will be very useful. Just chat to anyone, anywhere, and if you have nothing in common use the environment as a subject ("Why is the barman so slow?" for example). Turn complaints into jokes and just chat like you don't care.
That's what I did, and one day I was just chatting to a group of people while my friend was at the toilet, and one of them turned out to be the woman who would be my wife.
So true. I was tempted to approach a woman a few weeks ago at a bookstore, but I stopped myself because I couldn't find an opening and I knew I felt too conflicted and ill-at-ease about it. People can pick up on that kind of negative energy.
It's not just with women, it's with anyone. Which was my original point, as I'm not giving pointers out on how to pick up women.
Anyone, and everyone, can sense when someone is being needy, or unsure, or lacks confidence. And these are not attractive qualities. It's a chicken or egg scenario, to be confident in chatting to people, you must have experience, but to have experience you must be confident enough that people want to chat with you.
All I can say is, like anything, practice makes perfect. So just make a point to interact with as many people as you can. At some point you will find it's not so much of a chore, but has become natural to you. Don't worry about getting a date, or making a new friend. Just try to enjoy the moments of life whilst chatting to a stranger as much as possible, and along the way, you might meet your new best friend, or your new girlfriend/wife.
In such cases comment on something generic, with a question such as, "is that a good fantasy series? I´ve been looking for a new one after having finished the XYZ series".
Adapt, "fantasy" to any genre that seems relevant, and you can do this with anything, "is that a good phone? My old Android has been acting up as of late, though it has always been unreliable, but I´ve never tried an iPhone before, do you think it may yield better luck?", etc.
Unfortunately, at this point in time, we have degraded so extensively from even the 2000´s era of, "The Game", that, "sugaring", may be a better deal for many men rather than, ´dating´ women who have effectively lived the lives of lite-prostitutes, but demand a far higher price-per-hour. It´s horrific that such a statement as I just made has even the potential for truth.
Oh, I think it´s bigger than the economy. I was observing a couple on a plane this past weekend, they handed each of their children, either a phone, or a Nintendo console ("Switch", I think?).
I was musing how none of these children likely exist for more than short periods without constant music exposure, or screen time. Immersing a maturing child´s brain in such an environment has to stunt proper dopamingeric functions, empathy, self awareness (extension of the former), emotional awareness, general maturation, affective stability, self-esteem, and much more.
Attentive parenting seems to be slipping as an expectation in the West, people are getting unhealthier (degraded brain development (potential &) function), poorer, perpetually more overstimulated by technology, distorted worldviews due to social media and pornography, more aggressive conditioning by the elites training the masses for literal, but modern, serfdom, and more omnipresent and insane progressive values (perpetuated by the elite to enslave the moronic hordes).
How will a woman born in the 2010´s, who will stereotypically be saddled with, stunted maturation and general development, abnormal neurology, a distorted worldview, mass sterilization (literal and regarding her general life functioning) conditioning by elites, and additional, deranged, expectations denying God and basic biology, not be anything but an insane train-wreck of narcissism, depression, and pharmaceutical and corporate (elite-run media) obedience? In all honesty, I don´t think we´ve seen anything yet regarding how bad the degradation of the normies can get. Time will tell.
Dating apps are tools.
In the past I used these tools as a way to get lust. I think you need to be honest in your heart with God what's your drive.
Only you know.
The design of apps are to induce lust, e.g. Tinder shows the most popular photo of the women, this is almost always lust inducing. By design they are there to induce lust. So these apps are dangerous that fall back in old behavior.
I think the big difference of "game" with "Christian" dating. Is that game is essentially having 1 goal, is to have sex with her, in that process we leave out many parts of ourselves, we lie, deceive, to win. Finding a wife requires honesty, e.g. saying you're Christian, that you're looking to find a life partner and saying the things about yourself honestly that might turn the other off.
Instead of selling yourself, you're showing yourself.
I think it requires more a change heart, that we can pray for.
"please Father change my broken heart, that I don't desire lust, but marriage, learn me to honestly show myself, instead of lying to win other over, learn me your will"
Something like that.
The main problem is not "the app" but the broken person behing it. Me. You.
In the past I used these tools as a way to get lust. I think you need to be honest in your heart with God what's your drive.
Only you know.
The design of apps are to induce lust, e.g. Tinder shows the most popular photo of the women, this is almost always lust inducing. By design they are there to induce lust. So these apps are dangerous that fall back in old behavior.
I think the big difference of "game" with "Christian" dating. Is that game is essentially having 1 goal, is to have sex with her, in that process we leave out many parts of ourselves, we lie, deceive, to win. Finding a wife requires honesty, e.g. saying you're Christian, that you're looking to find a life partner and saying the things about yourself honestly that might turn the other off.
Instead of selling yourself, you're showing yourself.
I think it requires more a change heart, that we can pray for.
"please Father change my broken heart, that I don't desire lust, but marriage, learn me to honestly show myself, instead of lying to win other over, learn me your will"
Something like that.
The main problem is not "the app" but the broken person behing it. Me. You.
I suggest to join some mixed group activities / sports and just get comfortable interacting with women as a side effect. do this several times a week.
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Time to move out buddy, no matter what.
I personally would never look for a wife on a dating app, thats where desperate people go to look for sex, I doubt you would find a high quality woman on there
I’m guessing some churches there have a day of the week designed so young people could interact and maybe start dating.
Another venue to meet decent girls would be community work.
I would stay away from apps. The chances of you finding quality are slim.
After the wheels fell off my last relationship in 2014, I downloaded a Christian dating app and Tinder.
What I saw on the Christian app was the first sobering indication that it would not be likely that I would find a wife. A significant share of the women were unmarried mothers, divorced mothers and divorced childless women. There were even separated wives (therefore following the modern custom of serial monogamy that implies that relationships and marriages end as soon as the woman checks out and stops sex).
I don't think there is much point in me trying to manage the cost, risk, benefit matrix of the modern marriage when it is not likely to produce children and more likely to give me the responsibility without power over another man's offspring and to assume a position of importance less than the family cat.
This was at a time when I began reading Red Pill books like The Rational Male to try and understand why my imminent fiancée chose her married boss over me when I was sailing with her father (whom I thought was going to be my father-in-law). The Rational Male not only explained what happened but it described the hypergamous strategy which I saw blatantly on display on the Christian dating app: "Ex-party girl and former world traveller now ready to find a traditional Mr Right and Christian gentleman; Kids: 2; Age 35."
What I saw on the Christian app was the first sobering indication that it would not be likely that I would find a wife. A significant share of the women were unmarried mothers, divorced mothers and divorced childless women. There were even separated wives (therefore following the modern custom of serial monogamy that implies that relationships and marriages end as soon as the woman checks out and stops sex).
I don't think there is much point in me trying to manage the cost, risk, benefit matrix of the modern marriage when it is not likely to produce children and more likely to give me the responsibility without power over another man's offspring and to assume a position of importance less than the family cat.
This was at a time when I began reading Red Pill books like The Rational Male to try and understand why my imminent fiancée chose her married boss over me when I was sailing with her father (whom I thought was going to be my father-in-law). The Rational Male not only explained what happened but it described the hypergamous strategy which I saw blatantly on display on the Christian dating app: "Ex-party girl and former world traveller now ready to find a traditional Mr Right and Christian gentleman; Kids: 2; Age 35."
As encouragement to others I actually met an awesome young woman (in Latin America) on a Christian dating app and things have been going very well. She is a sincere Christian involved in ministry and everything checks out. Actually had American friends of hers checking me out to see if I was legit. I just returned from a visit meeting her entire family and friend network. She is the kindest person I have ever met. If my experience is any indication these women are out there guys.
Maybe you need to expand your criteria a bit (appearance, ethnicity, country, etc.) but you really don't have to be alone.
Maybe you need to expand your criteria a bit (appearance, ethnicity, country, etc.) but you really don't have to be alone.
Do you share a similar prediction on the existing teens to 20s not changing until large scale cultural change comes, which is usually set off by economic struggles that are new? I've had this theory for a while, but thought a release valve also would be grandparents or parents that still have money that the kids can inherit. If the market has a long period of decline and waves of inflation hit, though, that inheritance prospect can also vanish, which again would do wonders for those who at least desire more sanity coming back into the system (regarding subsidized or spoiled living going away).
This is the kind of thing that is uncomfortable but we should have been able to talk about at the old place, because it's true. We have to come to grips with the reality at hand, and you and I know it is horrible that we have assessed it that way, but it's horrible not that we have understood it and said it, it's horrific that all this came to pass to be this way.
As I said in other places, and I think @canuckj hits it well, you'll just have to expand your criteria. That means becoming a better potential mate, getting a better environment and perhaps mildly or moderately compromising on a characteristic or two.
The reason why, and most have seen me write about this a lot, I think that overseas is the only real option is that there is no ROI in the west. A reasonably behaved woman in the west at best is already old, or if she is young you generally aren't around her or the taboo is too great for you to try to connect with her for social and other reasons. As I've said many times, there is a reason why dowries existed historically. It's actually because marriage is a major win for a woman, and questionable for a man, though I think those here all believe it is a good thing. The point is, guaranteeing a life for a woman and your kids, with all the time, effort and attention has to have some basic returns. I don't consider it a big ask to get at least youth, pleasantness, some caretaking, in that trade. These things used to be clearly understood because they are obvious. After all, you are basically providing for your woman to take care of her kids and you to a degree. That seems like a no brainer for a woman, if she has any idea about life and the big picture/long game.
I recently had a look at Upward, a popular Christian dating app. I don't actually use it - just peeped it out of curiosity. I sadly, Lord forgive me, have a very high level of experience using dating apps to fornicate throughout my 20s and was very successful.
95% of girls on Upward are 'nondenominational'. Lots of girls in mid 30s that decided to get serious. Lots of single mothers. Lots of scantily clad clothing. Many are obvious posers. Yikes.
I saw 0 Orthodox. I did see a few Catholics. This was after sifting through probably 1000 women.
Perhaps Upward isn't the best. And USA clearly isn't the best dating pool. Maybe the foreign apps are better. I don't know. Iffy.
This is what I want:
95% of girls on Upward are 'nondenominational'. Lots of girls in mid 30s that decided to get serious. Lots of single mothers. Lots of scantily clad clothing. Many are obvious posers. Yikes.
I saw 0 Orthodox. I did see a few Catholics. This was after sifting through probably 1000 women.
Perhaps Upward isn't the best. And USA clearly isn't the best dating pool. Maybe the foreign apps are better. I don't know. Iffy.
This is what I want:
I'm sorry, and please don't take this the wrong way, but meeting women while drinking alcohol in a bar and using game-based strategies (openers, getting into state, volume, etc) is not a good method/example and I don't think we should be spreading that type of advice on here (coming from someone who did this throughout my 20s), and that's regardless of how many people on here met their wives in bars while drinking and having fun.
I used the same sentiment and mindset you put forth here to destroy my soul throughout my 20s and deceive many many women into sleeping with me. I'm not proud of that at all so I certainly am not trying to seem cool by writing this. I've confessed and repented for these things.
Like dating apps, the bars/clubs, almost always, are just not fertile ground. There are better ways. I get your point, but it's tainted. Perhaps you're one of the lucky ones. If so, good for you brother.
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