I recently saw one of the worst movies I’ve seen, Land of Bad, featuring the now unbelievably fat Russell Crowe. I almost posted this in the Woke and Obese US Military thread, as it could have been an advertisement for it, or more accurately just a reflection. It was so bad I’m going to spoil the entire thing here so you don’t watch it.
The plot involves a botched rescue mission to recover a CIA asset by Delta Force soldiers somewhere in Indonesia or some Islamic Pacific island country. The film centers around the communications between Crowe, an obese drone operator in Las Vegas who looks like he’s dressed to hit the casinos, and a newbie Air Force attachment to the special forces squad.
The Delta guys are totally cool with the Air Force newbie joining them in a HALO dive to infiltrate the bad guy base, despite his representation that he’s completely unqualified to do so. They give him instructions 10 seconds before jumping out of a plane.
The drone operator base in Vegas is run by a crew more interested in the outcome of a March Madness tournament they’re watching on television than doing close air support. While the rest of the base watches basketball, Crowe and his diversity teammate are involved in assisting the Delta crew in a life or death firefight with endless bad guys who use WWII Japanese tunnels to outmaneuver their American attackers. The Delta boys get ripped up by the local RPG-having islanders.
After some drama between the slob Crowe and his boss, Crowe and his female black helper agree to a shift change in drone operators during a critical time in the operation. Before Crowe leaves, the Delta crew tells him to call in a series of air strikes on their position in a strategic effort to rescue their boy. Crowe gives up control of the drone and goes shopping for organic cheese while what remains of the original Delta squad attempts a daring rescue mission at the bad guy base.
While Crowe is waiting in line to buy his cheese, he gets a call on his cell phone from one of the Delta soldiers in the field, advising him that they rescued the CIA guy and need him to call off the bombs in a few minutes or else they’ll die. The Vegas base isn’t answering phone calls from the Delta squad because they are all engrossed in a basketball game, so Crowe drives over to the base, barges into the drone control room, and calls off the air strike himself at the 11th hour.
Crowe then explains to the entire base staff why monitoring communications with soldiers under fire in the field is more important than basketball, and the staff responds in bewildered silence as Crowe destroys their TV. Patriotic music plays while the remaining force is extracted from the bad guy base.
On its face I thought the movie was poorly conceived, poorly acted and completely implausible. Then I thought that perhaps this was not the case. Maybe in clown world this is how things really work behind the scenes. American soldiers operating in a foreign country for reasons completely unrelated to national defense, reliant upon big bad air support to blow up all the bad guys, but the guys supposed to be pulling the trigger for bombs are watching TV 10,000 miles away while the phone rings unanswered.