Yeah I do think about that. I don't want to waste her time.
Relationship advice
- Thread starter Tippy
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Yeah I do think about that. I don't want to waste her time.
Then don't.
It depends if you think any relationship that ends is a waste of time or any person who has conflict about a relationship is wasting that person's time.
At the moment, I have made efforts to keep things going but I still have my issues and doubts.
On some level I would like to work things out but if I am not gonna make a full commitment maybe I should end it...but increasingly I think perhaps I can try living with her again. But there's always going to be a voice of doubt and that's what causes me the biggest problems alongside my stupid lust.
I think you should stop talking about it and figure it out for yourself.
Stop paying for sex.
Stop calling them escorts.
They are whores.
Stop banging whores.
This is no doubt why you've got a skewed view about women and sex.
Not only is this disgusting activity...but also an assured way to ensure you have a totally negative view of women.
I appreciate the direct advice.
I have to confess I was driven mad by lust and was often perusing escorts. The fantasy a kind of masturbatory experience in itself. I also have problems secretly peeking at pornography when I am stressed and want some escapism.
Sex and obsession with it seems to be one of my biggest vices right now. Deep down I am disgusted with myself. I think of myself like a cigarette. On the outside perhaps looking totally harmless but inside black and ridden with toxic moral cancer. This obsession with pleasing and pleasuring myself. The constant masturbation in one way or another (harmless touching...harmless looking...harmless flirting...HARMLESS yeah right!?)...
Everything so long as I don't actually have sex with other people I tell myself is fine when all of it is a huge insult to this woman who dotes on me and yet I find her often irritating and want to be left alone to my disgusting sin and vice. Even though when left alone I often go even further into said disgusting behaviours and my existence becomes one under the dictate of satan.
I don't deserve her that's the honest truth. I've been horribly disrespectful to both her and myself and been the exact opposite of a decent Christian or moral human.
I'm not ready for marriage or raising or family. I'm just not. I've got my career sorted out but my attitudes towards women are just wrong at this point in my life. I don't know if I would benefit from just complete detachment from all women for a time while I sort out my faith and spiritual sickness.
I feel the reason I won't break it off is because I'm scared of being alone and not having her support or being loved by anyone.
But it probably is the moral thing to do if I'm going to keep being swayed by my eyes and my disgusting vices.
I'm going to call up the church tomorrow and see about talking to a priest. I just can't go on like this any longer.
I don't think pleasure addiction is the worst vice it's one that makes the most sense to be honest but it's still not acceptable and not a way to live.
They say there is no such thing as a true strength of character until it is tested well mine is being tested now. I hope I can be a better person tomorrow than I am today.
Start treating yourself like you love yourself man.
We all struggle.
God bless you and may your 2024 bring you strength, peace, and fortitude to stay on the narrow path so you might become a happier and more God-fearing man.
Hello brothers in Christ.
I am a former lurker on RVF. I followed Roosh during his peak years and when he made a turn toward Christ I was not surprised. I am a Latin Catholic parishioner and I am going through a very difficult time. As a husband and a father of three, I have been working two (now three) jobs tirelessly while my wofe stayed at home. My wife has announced that now that I have purchased a home for us that she will be divorcing me in order to walk away with real estate. She says I tricked her into thinking she wanted to be a traditional wife, but all she really wanted was to not work. I come with a heavy heart and looking for fellowship and suggestions. I am going to lose everything, home, 60 percent of after tax income, access to my kids except every second weekend...
I contemplate Christ on the cross, the crown of thorns, and strategies to structure my life. I hope I can find comfort and fellowship among you.
I met Roosh in Montreal at the Montreal speech, if anyone is still here who remembers that...
In Christo,
Brother Quagmire
I am a former lurker on RVF. I followed Roosh during his peak years and when he made a turn toward Christ I was not surprised. I am a Latin Catholic parishioner and I am going through a very difficult time. As a husband and a father of three, I have been working two (now three) jobs tirelessly while my wofe stayed at home. My wife has announced that now that I have purchased a home for us that she will be divorcing me in order to walk away with real estate. She says I tricked her into thinking she wanted to be a traditional wife, but all she really wanted was to not work. I come with a heavy heart and looking for fellowship and suggestions. I am going to lose everything, home, 60 percent of after tax income, access to my kids except every second weekend...
I contemplate Christ on the cross, the crown of thorns, and strategies to structure my life. I hope I can find comfort and fellowship among you.
I met Roosh in Montreal at the Montreal speech, if anyone is still here who remembers that...
In Christo,
Brother Quagmire
My Brother in Christ,
Welcome to CiK! There are many men, and a few women, here who will support you and provide fellowship.
I've been through a divorce, although not one nearly as difficult as yours, and you have my sympathy. I met Roosh on his book tour in 2019 and it led me to finding The Church and Jesus Christ, and these connections remind me of how careful God is in his planning in all things for the salvation of our souls, not only as individuals, but corporately.
May God Bless You and Your Family!
Read Lives of Saints
"I am a Latin Catholic parishioner and I am going through a very difficult time.
Don´t lose faith. Pray for guidance.
As a husband and a father of three,
If you have children. You need to find a workable solution.
I have been working two (now three) jobs tirelessly while my wofe stayed at home.
Three jobs? You need three jobs to support a family? How much are you earning?
My wife has announced that now that I have purchased a home for us that she will be divorcing me in order to walk away with real estate.
This doesn´t make sense. She had 3 children with you. Only one would be enough for her to rape you financially. There´s no incentive.
She says I tricked her into thinking she wanted to be a traditional wife, but all she really wanted was to not work. "
This doesnt make sense either. She was already not working. Divorcing you will not make her stop working. Because she is already not working. There has to be another reason.
What will change is she will have access to your money to spend it freely. So most likely she resents the way you handle money. Maybe you are being too much frugal. What she said is meant to hurt you. It´s not real. Because she is probably angry for your indifference towards her.
Unless she is cheating. Which is the wild card here. There´s no reason why you can´t salvage your marriage. And you better start working fast. Ask her out for a nice fancy dinner. Hire a maid. Don´t neglect your wife. Give her a treat from time to time. This is just a storm. Sail through it. Don´t let the ship sink. That´s your duty as a man.
In mother day always give a nice gift to your wife. Always. I mark it as the most important day of the year.
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@Quagmire if you haven't already done so, get into marriage counseling, immediately. Find out the reason(s) she is unhappy with you. Do something to meaninfully change and improve. Take medication if necessary. Talk to your priest. Most likely, in my humble opinion and personal experience, she doesn't feel loved, for whatever reason, and that is driving her negative behavior.
You may feel you are doing your part (hence the comment about three jobs) but men often make this mistake and feel justified without considering the womans perspective, which may seem unfair or illogical to you. Women need to feel loved, and men need to feel respected. When that breaks down, all bets are off, but if you truly love and care about her, which you better as a Christian, as your wife and mother of your children, don't feel sorry for yourself and don't allow this to happen.
Stand up, be a man, do what you have to do, and save your marriage. If it doesn't work out in the end, you did everything you could, and God sees everything. Losing earthly possessions or money is of no consequence for a Christian. God will provide what you need. Do not give in to negativity and despair. Pray, and trust in the Lord. Fear is the mind killer.
You are welcome to DM me for advice and support, and I know the community will do whatever they can to help. Hang in there brother.
Mods, please feel free to move these comments to an appropriate place as this is meant to be a welcome and introduction thread.
If I had to speculate even more. With the little info available. She probably made an effort also to be frugal while they were saving to buy a house. They bought the house and he expected to continue behaving the same way and save every penny. And what she is saying is she will not continue living poorly and save money. Now that they reached their goal. Her effort is over. With or without him.
She may have had a different understanding or expectation and it is also very very common for couples to disagree and argue about finances and it can cause a lot of problems if you are not very careful and deliberate with how you manage things. If we give the benefit of the doubt and assume she is not being malicious then it probably comes down to differences of opinion or perspective, plus life experiences and/or traumas, which can cause a lot of fear, uncertainty, and doubt. In my experience women are particularly susceptible to this, whereas men more often feel like things will work out, and respond by working a little harder (like having three jobs).
However if her fears and doubts aren't addressed she is not going to feel at ease and that will cause issues. Most likely she has tried to communicate this to him many times and feels like he isn't listening or is not meaningfully addressing her concerns, and/or loving her, adequately, and has reached her breaking point. That doesn't mean the marriage is over, but it does mean they need to get on the same page and make meaningful changes to address the irritants, otherwise she will likely judge, correctly or not, that she is better off by herself.
They are equally burned out. He is slaving himself in three jobs. And she raising 3 kids almost alone cause he works day and night and not feeling appreciated.
But there’s only one of them who pees standing up. And that person is the one who leads. That person is the one who strives. And never ever gives up. Specially with children in the picture.
There’s is no reason for this marriage to end unless to give money to lawyers and courts.
If he is never at home because of work what will really change for her? Just access to money.
But there’s only one of them who pees standing up. And that person is the one who leads. That person is the one who strives. And never ever gives up. Specially with children in the picture.
There’s is no reason for this marriage to end unless to give money to lawyers and courts.
If he is never at home because of work what will really change for her? Just access to money.
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That may all be true, but communication is the issue. She is probably not thinking that getting a divorce is going to improve her financial situation, so it is probably something else.
One last tip, from personal experience. He seems to be thinking about what he is doing, and how it is affecting him, and worrying about his own future. If he wants to save the marriage, he should instead be thinking about how she is feeling, and how hard it must be for her, and how it may affect her future, and put her needs first, even if it seems unfair. It may seem backwards, but trust me, this is where you need to start. He should be asking her about this, and listening from the heart, and let her know he cares, and praying without ceasing, and focusing on what he needs to do to make her feel safe and loved. This is the path towards reconciliation.
She is angry with him. Theres a reason why storms and hurricanes normally have female names.
This is fixable. Unless theres a third party involved. Or he also wants it to happen.
It will pass. its just a storm. A big one. But they all end. Sooner or later.
What I would advice is:
Quit at least one job
Hire a maid
Take the wife to a nice restaurant
Buy her a nice gift
Spend time with kids at home and with her.
Care for her. Love her fight her but care.
There was a dude called mr money mustache with whom im making paralel. But i could be wrong.
@Quagmire
This is fixable. Unless theres a third party involved. Or he also wants it to happen.
It will pass. its just a storm. A big one. But they all end. Sooner or later.
What I would advice is:
Quit at least one job
Hire a maid
Take the wife to a nice restaurant
Buy her a nice gift
Spend time with kids at home and with her.
Care for her. Love her fight her but care.
There was a dude called mr money mustache with whom im making paralel. But i could be wrong.
@Quagmire