Monk Mode Celibacy

[Hermetic Seal]

I'm sensing a lot of frustration from your recent posts - fasting is going in the wrong direction, living an Orthodox life is miserable, specific sexual standards are ridiculous, you are completely isolated socially and everyone thinks you're a lunatic etc. Forum members responding line by line with their takes on your list of gripes on sexual ethics or fasting doesn't really address the core issue. Spiritual warfare 101 is to avoid negative thoughts, not to focus on misery, failure and impossible standards. Don't focus on topics which make you despair and certainly don't give them such significance that you feel compelled to write essays on them for other people to read, especially during a fasting period. You sound like you're inside your own head, falling into despondency and then attempting to relieve those feelings by justifying to others why your frame of mind is infact caused by a system which is set up to make you fail. Your first task is to get on top of those thoughts and passions by not irrigating the ground on which they grow and instead focussing your thoughts and energies on those things which provide you with spiritual oxygen. By that I don't mean to say you shouldn't raise your frustrations here on whatever life challenges you are encountering. Camaraderie and advice may be somewhat helpful and comforting on some level. However framing things as "look at these ridiculous rules which totally explain my misery" is not that. No one here compelled you to watch content that you don't agree with, measure yourself by it or to write an essay on it. If such content is a stumbling block for you then don't read or watch it, read the Saints or Elders you are drawn to and simply follow the guidance of your Confessor. A number of elements of your life make your current cross hard to bear, whether that's the fact that you are the only Orthodox person in your family, or that you have young children and are presumably juggling them with work commitments. Don't be surprised by the fact you sometimes find yourself struggling or outside of your comfort zone. That can be to your benefit. I don't doubt that you will find God's mercy if you persevere without grumbling or engaging with negative thoughts. And you'll probably find it more easily than those of us in more comfortable positions.

This is a fairly accurate assessment, I have an incredibly hard time avoiding negative thoughts. I can make it maybe a couple days where things go okay and then it all falls apart for some reason or other. I’ve always had an extremely active/turbulent thought life, clearing my mind feels like a nearly impossible task but I don’t doubt that all plays a role.

On top of that there’s very little going on in my life to help me chill out and relax and get some sense of recovery. I actually try to avoid reading/listening to material that I think might just frustrate rather than edify me, but like a glutton for punishment I just had to watch and gripe about this video when it came across my feed, apparently.

I know I should talk to my spiritual father about things but I just haven’t had time lately, I go to confession and touch on some of these things but I don’t want to go too off topic or treat it like a therapy session when there are a lot of people in line behind me.

 

[KomnenAl]

This is a fairly accurate assessment, I have an incredibly hard time avoiding negative thoughts. I can make it maybe a couple days where things go okay and then it all falls apart for some reason or other. I’ve always had an extremely active/turbulent thought life, clearing my mind feels like a nearly impossible task but I don’t doubt that all plays a role.

On top of that there’s very little going on in my life to help me chill out and relax and get some sense of recovery. I actually try to avoid reading/listening to material that I think might just frustrate rather than edify me, but like a glutton for punishment I just had to watch and gripe about this video when it came across my feed, apparently.

I know I should talk to my spiritual father about things but I just haven’t had time lately, I go to confession and touch on some of these things but I don’t want to go too off topic or treat it like a therapy session when there are a lot of people in line behind me.

We all struggle with lust everyday. I find that whenever I fall, if I give in to negative thoughts ("it's only natural, these rules are not for lay people etc"), what comes next is questioning the commandmeds and the Church. It's a downward spiral that leads to perdition if left unchecked. Just my two cents.

 

[Samseau]

I know I should talk to my spiritual father about things but I just haven’t had time lately, I go to confession and touch on some of these things but I don’t want to go too off topic or treat it like a therapy session when there are a lot of people in line behind me.

Schedule an appointment in the middle of the week and do a serious confession. Make time.

 

[Lawrence87]

 

[Lawrence87]

I can't remember who said it, in fact I seem to recall it being attributed to different Saints, but a lot of this struggle can be summarised by the following:

"God can save the sinner you are, not the Saint you pretend to be."

As long as we think of ourselves as this pristine white sheet that has unfortunately been tainted by mud we are gonna have a hard time. We are the mud. When we fall there tends to be a lot of shame because we think "argh I was doing so good I had a 3 month streak." The reality is that degenerate masturbator is exactly what we'd be absent the grace of God. It is not that Mr. Degenerate Masturbator breaks in and causes havok and then leaves Mr. Good Christian to tidy up the mess. Any moment that we aren't Mr. Degenerate anything is thanks to the grace of our Lord. The Lord will keep withdrawing His grace so long as we attribute it to ourselves. And He does so in order to teach us the lesson in the quote above.

 

[Lawrence87]

The internet is essentially built in such a way that people struggling with lust are constantly tempted severely. Most websites such as Twitter and YouTube will show you more of what you look at. For a man of course one is easily tempted by beautiful women. Then one is basically exponentially tempted because the algorithm will say "show him more of that"

Its easy to perceive this as being set up for failure, but actually it can teach us an important lesson. The lesson being vigilance. YouTube for example is never going to show you full on pornography, but it will show you what it can get away with. It can be easy to be complacent in this regard, but really we have to be vigilant against all temptation no matter how "innocent" it may seem because the algorithm will bombard you and in your weaker moments it can open the door to sin.

I think part of healing from pornography is the gradual lifting of our desensitisation. Which is actually very good but it can almost make living in modern society seem impossible. People's minds have been rotted by porn so much that women walking around with basically nothing on is normal. We must be vigilant brothers

 

[analyst_green]

The internet is essentially built in such a way that people struggling with lust are constantly tempted severely. Most websites such as Twitter and YouTube will show you more of what you look at. For a man of course one is easily tempted by beautiful women. Then one is basically exponentially tempted because the algorithm will say "show him more of that"

Its easy to perceive this as being set up for failure, but actually it can teach us an important lesson. The lesson being vigilance. YouTube for example is never going to show you full on pornography, but it will show you what it can get away with. It can be easy to be complacent in this regard, but really we have to be vigilant against all temptation no matter how "innocent" it may seem because the algorithm will bombard you and in your weaker moments it can open the door to sin.

I think part of healing from pornography is the gradual lifting of our desensitisation. Which is actually very good but it can almost make living in modern society seem impossible. People's minds have been rotted by porn so much that women walking around with basically nothing on is normal. We must be vigilant brothers

Yes, to give yourself the best chance you must go cold turkey completely on any kind of sexual stimulation. Although looking at a girl's butt in yoga pants or some scantily clad women on YouTube is not a sin on the level of pornography, it gets the gears of lust turning. And it can escalate quickly, so that's why you have to nip it in the bud.

But I'm noticing lately how much overstimulation there is in general in our society, not just the sexual kind. The vast majority of restaurant food in America is either very salty, sweet, spicy, or greasy. People have become desensitized to real, natural food. There is constantly music playing everywhere you go, including at work, in the store, in the gym, etc. It's hard to find peace and quiet. And of course there are big billboards or advertisements everywhere you look.

Once you start to restrain the passions and become more in tune with your own soul, it all feels like a massive assault on the senses.

 

[Lawrence87]

Yes, to give yourself the best chance you must go cold turkey completely on any kind of sexual stimulation. Although looking at a girl's butt in yoga pants or some scantily clad women on YouTube is not a sin on the level of pornography, it gets the gears of lust turning. And it can escalate quickly, so that's why you have to nip it in the bud.

But I'm noticing lately how much overstimulation there is in general in our society, not just the sexual kind. The vast majority of restaurant food in America is either very salty, sweet, spicy, or greasy. People have become desensitized to real, natural food. There is constantly music playing everywhere you go, including at work, in the store, in the gym, etc. It's hard to find peace and quiet. And of course there are big billboards or advertisements everywhere you look.

Once you start to restrain the passions and become more in tune with your own soul, it all feels like a massive assault on the senses.

Agreed. I hadn't thought of it before but you are right the assault on the senses is constant. It makes sense that this would happen, the state of constant stimulation and the desire for constant stimulation that is bred by these devices makes prayer almost impossible.

 

[Blade Runner]

Agreed. I hadn't thought of it before but you are right the assault on the senses is constant. It makes sense that this would happen, the state of constant stimulation and the desire for constant stimulation that is bred by these devices makes prayer almost impossible.

It's good to read books for this reason, to disassociate yourself from technology or screens, even though we get information mostly from these at this point, which isn't all bad.

I'm reading Our thoughts determine our lives (Elder Thaddeus) and Theosis: the true purpose of human life by Archimandrite George of St Gregorios Monastery, Mount Athos. The latter is a fairly quick booklet/composite of teachings that one should definitely take a look at, only 60 pages or so.

 

[Lawrence87]

It's good to read books for this reason, to disassociate yourself from technology or screens, even though we get information mostly from these at this point, which isn't all bad.

I'm reading Our thoughts determine our lives (Elder Thaddeus) and Theosis: the true purpose of human life by Archimandrite George of St Gregorios Monastery, Mount Athos. The latter is a fairly quick booklet/composite of teachings that one should definitely take a look at, only 60 pages or so.

Interestingly, listening to the life of Saint Pimen the Great on the Patristic Nectar app, a quote of his stood out to me:

"Distraction is the principal of the vices"

With that in mind, it's little wonder that the world seems designed to foster a state of perpetual distraction.

 

[Blade Runner]

Interestingly, listening to the life of Saint Pimen the Great on the Patristic Nectar app, a quote of his stood out to me:

"Distraction is the principal of the vices"

With that in mind, it's little wonder that the world seems designed to foster a state of perpetual distraction.

Even though it's technically true, all this points at is that life is balance and can be very tricky. There are obvious limits to such a saying, which would include never taking part in "entertainment." I don't think anyone would claim that that is a good recommendation for most, but it is a "distraction."

 

[Lawrence87]

Even though it's technically true, all this points at is that life is balance and can be very tricky. There are obvious limits to such a saying, which would include never taking part in "entertainment." I don't think anyone would claim that that is a good recommendation for most, but it is a "distraction."

I have a different take on things. I think that reality is pretty simple. Most things either serve God or they don't.

Most entertainment doesn't serve God. If we had the strength and were absolutely devoted then we wouldn't engage in it. Does that mean we are wrong for engaging in it? Actually yes. The solution, though, is not do something beyond our strength, or feel terrible about it when it does happen, but we should humble ourselves and go to confession and say "most of the time I don't serve God, I prefer distractions"

I think a lot of the time people think Orthodoxy is too hard or unreasonably demanding. It is hard. None of us manage without distracting ourselves in pointless things that don't serve God. Despair about it is not right, nor is excusing it. The high standards should just make us see how wicked and useless we are, and then we should take that to confession. It seems some people prefer pride which is what causes despair and wanting an easier ballpark to play in where we can succeed.

 

[Blade Runner]

I think a lot of the time people think Orthodoxy is too hard or unreasonably demanding. It is hard. None of us manage without distracting ourselves in pointless things that don't serve God. Despair about it is not right, nor is excusing it. The high standards should just make us see how wicked and useless we are, and then we should take that to confession. It seems some people prefer pride which is what causes despair and wanting an easier ballpark to play in where we can succeed.

I think you are correct here. It's also that we've inherited a world that has changed drastically in just decades, and obviously centuries. For example, is lending at interest godly? I don't think so. But large portion of our houses, work, and lives are based around it, and there is little to nothing for us to do about it. Something we talk about constantly here, elevating women or allowing them to rule over people in any way is also ridiculous, and something none of us had a say in.

Some things about the world are so disordered that it's hard not to retreat into numbness about them at times. What I think we should stress as a result is our awareness of all of it, which is where I agree with you, but am slightly less emphatic or black and white about. I'm a pretty straight forward person and thinker in general, so I don't think I'm being super soft on this topic at all, but maybe I'm wrong.