How can you you enjoy adulthood as much as childhood?

Valentin Pearson

Valentin Pearson

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When you're a kid it's easy to be happy and carefree. You have school, which is like a ready made mini society that you can feel a part of regardless of your status, and which gives you a sense of direction. You have your friends and plenty of time to play and be carefree and silly. And you have your young age, which makes it easy to stumble through without worrying too much about mistakes or responsibilities. Most people's happiest years were their childhood and youth years.

But when you're well into adulthood, it's very different. You have responsibilities and financial considerations (and possibly difficulties), you might have kids of your own to deal with (which can be a pleasure as well as a burden). You've got to work, usually at a job that isn't that satisfying, maybe long hours that make it hard to really make the best of your free time. And most other people in the same situation have their own concerns, making the possibility of having good times quite limited.

It may or may not be possible to recapture the level of happiness from childhood when you're well into adulthood. But what I'd like to ask is, how can you capture as much of that feeling as possible? I don't mean being like a kid again, I just mean living a joyful, happy, fun adult life. There's nothing wrong with responsibilities and so on, but surely there's a way to have great phases in life once you're an adult.

I'm thinking staying fit, healthy and youthful and being reasonably wealthy would make it possible, as well as living in a culture that is generally happy. Also, hanging out with younger people (if they'll accept you).

What do you think?
 
This is a good question that deserves much thought; my immediate answer would be never stop setting goals and never stop trying to learn. No matter how much we age there is always something new to learn and experience. As children we felt awe and wonder easily; as adults that's something we must work harder for.

There's much that could be said about the innocence, love, and security which most of us felt as children. I'll leave it to others to address that if they feel so inclined.
 
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I've never been good at accepting the fact that I'm always getting older. I started lamenting the loss of my youth when I was 22 and that thought has never gone away...and probably never will.

I have a younger friend in his 20s and hanging out with him does help a bit. It makes me feel younger when we're out and I suppose it also gives me hope that maybe if I'm out with him, I'll be accepted by young women if we should talk to any.

When I'm around men who are middle-aged like myself, I feel my age. Most of those guys are married anyway and I can't relate to them and their lives. It seems like it should be the other way around where I'm more comfortable around people my own age...but it isn't. And it makes me a bit depressed when I am around these older guys because I'm single and unmarried while they usually have a wife and kids. So it makes me feel like I missed the boat.

But to answer your question...I don't know how to recapture the feeling of happiness from when you're a teenager. I've been trying to find the secret to that my entire life. The fact is, the innocence of youth and experiencing things for the very first time cannot be replicated as an adult.
 
Life in adulthood becomes far less about "fun". Rather it is about finding that there is purpose in life, and striving toward that; Glorifying God in everything that we do, becoming fathers, and leading the next generation toward a better tomorrow.

When Christ says to become like little children, He is talking about becoming innocent and pure once more - not about having "perpetual fun". What I will say is this however: if you begin to cease the sins of life, you become far more attune to the little things that give feelings of novelty and joy again. I was driving home from swimming lessons with my daughter and wife the other day and felt this immense peace that I remember feeling as a young kid, and I revelled in that moment with a smile on my face.
 
Didn't read the question.
Don't care what it's driving at.

It depends on your mentality...

If you're a person who doesn't enjoy responsibility...No being a child rocks.

If you're a fucking adult man... Having your own agency and control of life is the ultimate joy. YOU set the tone of your own life and get to grab fate by the balls and give it a good shakedown.

That's way better than hop scotch on the playground.
 
Get2choppaaa said:
If you're a fucking adult man... Having your own agency and control of life is the ultimate joy. YOU set the tone of your own life and get to grab fate by the balls and give it a good shakedown.

That's way better than hop scotch on the playground.
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I'd say even if you're a celibate adult man.

Seriously though, I think it's having your own family, a wife and kids who adore you. As guys get older they seem to go one of two directions, having a solid family with a good woman or increasingly more of this angsty wondering what it's all about, man. Most men want a family, that's what it's all about. That's why everything in Clownworld is designed to make meeting a good woman and settling down harder.

@Valentin Pearson looks like you're not Christian, but regardless, I'd pray in the name of Jesus Christ that God bless you with a family. I'm in my fifties and it's somewhat of an apples to oranges comparison to childhood, but overall I'm the happiest I've ever been now and it's because of my wife and children.

From Matthew 7:
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?

10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
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When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. — 1 Corinthians 13:11

Women and children chase happiness and enjoyment, men chase responsibility, purpose and achievement.

If you find that you aren't happy, or at least content, it's probably because you (as a man) are not focusing on the right things in life.
 
Get2choppaaa said:
Didn't read the question.
Don't care what it's driving at.

It depends on your mentality...

If you're a person who doesn't enjoy responsibility...No being a child rocks.

If you're a fucking adult man... Having your own agency and control of life is the ultimate joy. YOU set the tone of your own life and get to grab fate by the balls and give it a good shakedown.

That's way better than hop scotch on the playground.
Click to expand...

When you're an adult you surely don't need all the swearing.
 
I meant happiness in the broadest sense, including real joy, novelty, camaraderie, adventure, and yes, material fun too (having nice things). But mostly camaraderie and fun friendships and activities.

Wealth seems to unlock a lot of doors. Wealthy people tend to spend their money on things that they enjoy, like golf or travel. And they have the time to enjoy it too, and they don't have the financial issues that would usually hold them back. I think that given the option, most men would naturally want to use their time and money to increase their enjoyment of their leisure time.

The camaraderie that Jeremy Clarkson, James May and the little guy have, that's an example of the kind of thing I'm talking about.
 
In adulthood, I think this kind of true camaraderie only exists in the military, gangs, and some MMA, BJJ, and boxing clubs.
Men develop bonds and respect for other men
only through raw physical activity, fights, danger, and when they overcome it together.

Brotherhoods are built on fire, not around a coffee table.
 
fortyfive said:
In adulthood, I think this kind of true camaraderie only exists in the military, gangs, and some MMA, BJJ, and boxing clubs.
Men develop bonds and respect for other men
only through raw physical activity, fights, danger, and when they overcome it together.

Brotherhoods are built on fire, not around a coffee table.
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I get that, but I think sport or a mutual interest in business can go a long way, as examples. Not to mention simply having time to be around likeminded people. What do wealthy men tend to do? Or men with plenty of spare time? They usually like to enjoy themselves and do challenging things. If you take away the thin layer of adult responsibility, underneath I think most men are more or less the same as when they were kids. They like adventure, disputes, challenges and so on, the things that produce camaraderie.

But most men get weighed down by responsibility simply because it costs money, and money is usually hard to earn, and it takes up time to earn it. So they go to the bar or watch tv. That's their outlet. But with enough money and time, most would revert to how they were when they were younger, albeit an adult version. That's why there are playgrounds for the rich, not playgrounds for the average. Wealthy people like to enjoy their money and time because those things can buy what they otherwise would not be able to have, which is an element of adventure / camaraderie in their lives.

People who are poor and rich seem to have the most fun. The rich because they have money to facilitate that, and the poor because they have the time, and each other.
 
Valentin Pearson said:
But most men get weighed down by responsibility simply because it costs money, and money is usually hard to earn, and it takes up time to earn it. So they go to the bar or watch tv. That's their outlet. But with enough money and time, most would revert to how they were when they were younger, albeit an adult version. That's why there are playgrounds for the rich, not playgrounds for the average. Wealthy people like to enjoy their money and time because those things can buy what they otherwise would not be able to have, which is an element of adventure / camaraderie in their lives.
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An Armenian priest once explained it to me as such: God knows you better than you will ever know yourself. If gaining substantial wealth and financial resources would set you on the path to ruin, then be thankful to the Lord that He has arranged your life such that you have to struggle and simultaneously strive to live a Godly life.

I look back at my younger years and think if I had invested in X, or made the Y deal, and earned a tremendous amount of money, I don't think I would be where I am today in terms of faith. I know my "pre-theology" desires, wants, and view of life, and I thank God every day that the deals and investments did not materialize back then, because I would be on my path to spiritual ruin. I am by no means boasting, as I have tremendous shortcomings with respect to faith - but the flip side would have been much much worse.

These days, I seek financial freedom to finally work through my library of theological books, try and memorize the Divine Liturgy, attend as many Churches and monasteries as I can, donate to the Church and its educational programs, etc. I do not, for an instant, wish to be anywhere near the playgrounds for the rich.
 
[Modern life has become] a constant search for "fun" which, by the way, is a word totally unheard of in any other vocabulary; in 19th century Russia they wouldn't have understood what this word meant, or any serious civilization.
Life is a constant search for "fun" which is so empty of any serious meaning that a visitor from any 19th-century country, looking at our popular television programs, amusement parks, advertisements, movies, music—at almost any aspect of our popular culture—would think he had stumbled across a land of imbeciles who have lost all contact with normal reality.
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This is a quote from Fr. Seraphim Rose which I find very interesting. This pursuit of, or lamenting the loss of the days of childhood and youth is only really entertain-able in a wealthy and materially prosperous society. Throughout most of human history, people everywhere have struggled, and the common complaints and laments of 21st century people would seem insane to a Ukrainian peasant in the early 1900s for example.

This is why I initially concluded that God must exist. Because if there is such a thing as an ultimate truth, it must be unchanging and eternal. It didn’t start in the 21st century west, where people try to create their own meaning through freedom, work, art, passion projects, travel and side hustles, and other areas completely unattainable throughout history.

The universal human experience is suffering, so that must be where the meaning really is. The ultimate purpose in life cannot possibly be found in worldly things, otherwise why not just commit suicide as soon as you’re realise you’re in Uganda and not the USA? It must be something higher, it must be God.

Of course, me saying this doesn’t make it easy to divorce your mindset and worldview from your experiences and it’s normal to desire the components of a healthy childhood which help make us into healthy human beings. I’m saying all this as the biggest man-child who extended his adolescents well into his twenties. But purpose, and striving towards God makes the confusing harshness of life bearable
 
Valentin Pearson said:
It may or may not be possible to recapture the level of happiness from childhood when you're well into adulthood. But what I'd like to ask is, how can you capture as much of that feeling as possible? I don't mean being like a kid again, I just mean living a joyful, happy, fun adult life. There's nothing wrong with responsibilities and so on, but surely there's a way to have great phases in life once you're an adult.
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This is just my personal opinion, I think it comes by doing what you want, saying what you want, and taking what you want. Basically by not putting too much thoughts on our actions or thinking too much of the consequences. As adults we almost always overthink things and it saps the joy of life.

Here's some examples:
  • I need to wake up in the morning and go to work everyday. If not then I will not have the money to live
  • My parents are getting older and I need to support them
  • I am getting older and the time to start a family is now
  • I need to pay mortgage and buy a new vehicle
But children doesn't have these kinds of thoughts:
  • Speeding in a vehicle (doesn't care about crash or getting a ticket)
  • Saying inappropriate things to people such as "hey you're ugly!" (does not care about consequences or what others think)
  • Almost all of their time is spent doing enjoyable activities such as playing with friends, doing hobbies, etc.
  • Doing the bare minimum of responsibilities in everyday life and living in the present moment, not putting too much thought about future
Even some adults have already done this kind of things. Such as travelling abroad to get access to the opposite sexes (does not care what society and God thinks). Or living alone on a far away and exotic place, so they can fully focus on themselves and have more spare time.
 
Yes that's what I mean. Just having enough freedom to simply do what you enjoy, with likeminded people, and having fun along the way. A bit of friendly gossip, some group dynamics, and feeling like you belong to something.

Whenever I've watched videos of poor places in the Philippines it looks like people are genuinely content. Kids playing, men playing cards and chatting with a beer, always ready to meet a new person that comes along (and shoot them, just kidding).

Rich or at least financially flexible people have a similar freedom, one of the differences being that they have to consciously go out of their way to construct those elements. It could be joining a golf club or finding entrepreneurs to hang out with.

As I mentioned earlier, I really like the dynamic between Jeremy Clarkson, James May and the little guy (I do know his name, I just like saying little guy). They all love cars and they go on adventures. I'm sure they're all responsible adults too but that doesn't mean they don't have fun and do silly things.
 
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