Older Men, Younger Women

[Douglas Quaid]

I think a big problem in these situations is that women lean heavily on the opinions of their friends over anyone else. I imagine a lot of the single 30 somethings have skipped on ideal men in their past based solely off their friends nitpicking them during a gossip session.

If you are going to find a much younger woman I'd look very closely at the company she keeps. Because its likely that "he's way too old" is going to be one of the things her friends would use to keep her single if you are looking to marry someone younger.

Even then you have to account for the family, particularly if you are looking for someone "trad" is her dad going to have a problem with the age gap? Even if her family is conservative and Christian etc it doesn't guarantee they would give their daughter away to someone much older. The prejudice against age gaps might be less among that demographic but it still likely exists.

Some really good points. Over the years I've learned women are usually the ones that blow an opportunity. Could be gossiping with idiot friends like you pointed out, could be taking the hard to get nonsense way too far so the guy gets annoyed and moves on, or it could even be just not having any courage to actually go on a date (this is actually a problem with modern younger women).

And it is absolutely important about who they hang out with. I've met women that I thought were really nice at first, eventually see them hanging out with idiot, drama-filled, gossipy women, then eventually start to see that she's just like them.

It's pretty funny how women will act like annoying children, then get mad at you when you don't want to pursue them anymore.

 

[Lawrence87]

Some really good points. Over the years I've learned women are usually the ones that blow an opportunity. Could be gossiping with idiot friends like you pointed out, could be taking the hard to get nonsense way too far so the guy gets annoyed and moves on, or it could even be just not having any courage to actually go on a date (this is actually a problem with modern younger women).

And it is absolutely important about who they hang out with. I've met women that I thought were really nice at first, eventually see them hanging out with idiot, drama-filled, gossipy women, then eventually start to see that she's just like them.

It's pretty funny how women will act like annoying children, then get mad at you when you don't want to pursue them anymore.

I think women are very easily corrupted by bad influences. With feminism its pretty a given that bad influence is everywhere. A woman only needs one charismatic friend who doesn't think twice about cheating on her partner and she will soon start justifying doing it herself. Its another good reason why women should not be in the workplace, because all it takes is one idiot to start influencing them and you're in for real trouble.

I'd say quite possibly the only real way to get the measure of a woman (particularly if they are younger) is by meeting her father, and secondly by meeting her friends.

 

[SeekingTruth]

But there's another possibility, that she likes him and also does care about the age gap. The two are not mutually exclusive.

That wasn't my point. Who cares what she thinks in that manner. You're going to let the female set the tone and boundaries to the relationship? Ok so now you're left to either a begging or manipulating role. Good luck with that.
"I don't care that she cares about the age gap". There that's better.

I'm 15 years older than my wife. I know how it plays out with the ones that cared. Spoiler. It doesn't. The girl you pined over for a year is now one year old...and so are you.

 

[Australia Sucks]

What do you say to a girl that was interested in going out with you but then once she finds out you’re 18 years older she’s getting cold feet? Feed me a line.

Unfortunately in my experience there is not much you can do in this situation and I speak from experience.

Most women in Western countries have been brainwashed to be against age gaps and they can't even provide a coherent reason for it. Its just brainwashing/social programming.

The only long-term solution is to live in countries where age gaps generally are not seen as a problem (Colombia, Philippines, Belarus, etc).

 

[Острог]

But you must be willing to accept that it is possible that God wants you to be alone (for whatever reason), and live your life accordingly.

I very much doubt that because the Church teaches only marriage is blessed whether to a wife or church (being a monastic). Staying single outside of a monastery is not good for the soul.

 

[Samseau]

I very much doubt that because the Church teaches only marriage is blessed whether to a wife or church (being a monastic). Staying single outside of a monastery is not good for the soul.

In general what you say is true. However, there are other ways single people can be useful to the Church without being a monastic. If they are not purposely avoiding marriage, but want to be married, while still serving the Church, then God isn't going to hold it against them because their intent is good.

I've seen some men be very unlucky in the dating game, yet serve as Altar helpers, do community work, play handyman at their local parish, and not get married until they are in the 50s or even 60s. Some men are very poor in women despite not wanting to be, and we cannot hold it against them.

 

[Blade Runner]

Most women in Western countries have been brainwashed to be against age gaps and they can't even provide a coherent reason for it. Its just brainwashing/social programming.

Yes, and this is another tell that the society is sick and has a poor future, because it's just another W in the column of anti-natalism. If you notice, and I know you all do, that all the things that are "pro women" are anti family and fertility, if not killing kids, the worst part of it all. And by definition they therefore are anti-men, since that would increase offspring. One point of view in life includes more people, meaning all men, and the other limits the rate limiting step (women) to ... old ages. No wonder the future is bleak with the latter.

 

[FrancisK]

If a woman is okay with marrying an older man there isn't anything wrong with that but at the same time to want someone your own age I certainly wouldn't call being brainwashed. That is simply preference, just as you would prefer a younger woman.....

 

[Blade Runner]

If a woman is okay with marrying an older man there isn't anything wrong with that but at the same time to want someone your own age I certainly wouldn't call being brainwashed. That is simply preference, just as you would prefer a younger woman.....

I think the point is that they have countless "preferences" which coincide much with ... many things older men have. At some point we have to comment on realistic preferences. Wanting a young man and resources (their #1) is unrealistic, which is why I comment on it. An alternate strategy might be to support a man to (eventually) get that, which is also something they don't do (on a population level).

 

[PurpleUrkel]

If a woman is okay with marrying an older man there isn't anything wrong with that but at the same time to want someone your own age I certainly wouldn't call being brainwashed.

I question that premise. It is going to be very difficult in a 2025 hypergamous dating app "reality" to acquire and sustain a 20+ year age gap for any man, anywhere in the world. As a 50+ year-old man who spends a lot of time interacting with women under 30 from all over the world (though, granted, most are of US origin) I just cannot see spending much "quality" time with a Gen Z woman, much less living with her in any type of ongoing, long term capacity. Furthermore, personally, I just don't have the frame required to deal with a young woman's parents that I may or may not be older than. This would seem completely weird and uncomfortable to me. It also just seems that an under 30 modern woman who would want to be with a man 20+ years her senior would have severe daddy issues. I just can't see a healthy 2025 woman under 30 wanting to bring home a man that is around the same age (or older) than her father. Call me gamma or beta or black pilled or what have you, but I just don't see it working long term.

This being said, even though I've 99% accepted my "by default" and by choice monk mode "fate," I still feel a strong sense of hope that God might still drop a fertile under 35 unicorn with no children from a previous marriage in my lap and open my eyes and heart to the seemingly impossible. However, I'm not holding my breath.

Again, prepare for the worst, and pray for the best.

 

[Blade Runner]

Again, prepare for the worst, and pray for the best.

I agree. On average, you're going to be right, but in the history of the world, it's not super uncommon for there to be 15-25 year age gaps. What's more, some people and cultures are more practical. They don't look at things like marriage or pairing of people the same way westerners do. It's sorta sad but it turns out that the population boom crowded a lot of people out. The idea that life might not include a family sorta sucks, but when you consider how, let's just say, less than ideal it is for quite a few people, you can see how it might not be the worst thing for some people.

 

[FrancisK]

I question that premise. It is going to be very difficult in a 2025 hypergamous dating app "reality" to acquire and sustain a 20+ year age gap for any man, anywhere in the world. As a 50+ year-old man who spends a lot of time interacting with women under 30 from all over the world (though, granted, most are of US origin) I just cannot see spending much "quality" time with a Gen Z woman, much less living with her in any type of ongoing, long term capacity. Furthermore, personally, I just don't have the frame required to deal with a young woman's parents that I may or may not be older than. This would seem completely weird and uncomfortable to me. It also just seems that an under 30 modern woman who would want to be with a man 20+ years her senior would have severe daddy issues. I just can't see a healthy 2025 woman under 30 wanting to bring home a man that is around the same age (or older) than her father. Call me gamma or beta or black pilled or what have you, but I just don't see it working long term.

This being said, even though I've 99% accepted my "by default" and by choice monk mode "fate," I still feel a strong sense of hope that God might still drop a fertile under 35 unicorn with no children from a previous marriage in my lap and open my eyes and heart to the seemingly impossible. However, I'm not holding my breath.

Again, prepare for the worst, and pray for the best.

I agree with you completely and as a man who is from a culture where older men marrying much younger women is completely accepted, I won't say encouraged as it was in the past, but definitely totally normal even here now in the west, I have intimate knowledge on this topic and there are aspects to it which are COMPLETELY missed in this discussion.