Yeah that is great advice for her. The good news is she isn't sleeping around, so that makes the situation "fixable". And I don't think she's going to go off the rails. Her sister did unfortunately. But we've had group conversations about topics like this and you can tell she's resistant to it. Frustrating to say the least.
I wanted to pursue her further, but can't get past the red flags listed above. I don't want to be the guy that ends up looking like a chump. I think we all know what I'm talking about.
Thanks for sharing.
I am confident that you know how to best approach this situation.
I say this given that you seem to have developed enough experience and have enough knowledge to trust your gut. Intuition is a very important tool, depending on your life stage among other things. Accurate and useful intuition about women tends to only come with sufficient life experience combined with access to knowledge and ongoing self-reflection.
As for this woman, it seems like she has been led astray into showing off through the omnipresence of social media, and is at higher risk of impulsive indulgence at a trait-level in light of her sister's conduct. You noted that she is resistant to discussing problems linked to related topics (not sure what this means?) and that other people have shown concern with her sexual flaunting. At age 27 her beliefs and behaviours may be somewhat flexible but are likely to have been reinforced over several years.
Based on the available data, I would tentatively back your current plan. Continue to proceed with caution and maintain observations in group settings,
especially since you're in a tight-knit church environment. In this context you tend to only get a couple of chances to openly court different women (at different times of course). Still, that is usually preceded by several months/years of hanging out platonically in group situations, which offers a fair amount of insight into her public-facing personality.
Maybe a friend can point thus out to her in a loving way?
I know church girls who have been in a similar circumstance as the one you described and from what I've seen they either mature and develop into a godly woman or something happens that just sends them off the rails into all manner of wickedness.
Not trying to say you can or should "fix her" but maybe she just needs some firm male guidance? She subconsciously knows her biological clock is ticking and probably wants to get married, but how to find the 'right' guy?
In a way, I believe relationships are much more difficult for Christian women because they are expected to just sit around and wait for a guy to notice them and make a move.
Some good points to consider here. Thinking about how this advice could apply beyond the present situation could be useful
@Douglas Quaid.
> On one hand, men should take selection very seriously. They are best served when resisting the urge to commit to a woman based on superficial aspects,
notably her beauty.
> On the other hand, conservative men in particular seem prone to being overly certain in their judgements of character, and tend to neglect the flexibility of young womens' thinking and acting.
Similarly, one cognitive fallacy is that we can
simply find a woman who is already pre-packaged perfectly to suit our needs.
The flipside of this distortion is that we can
easily change a woman however we want and when we want.
Most young women still need the ongoing guidance of an older man (father, brother, uncle, mentor, pastor, priest, husband) to inform their attitudes and behaviours. The most powerful male influence in her adulthood is probably going to be her husband. To get to that point takes time, based on the sustained effort of a leading yet gentle and supportive hand.
A lot of patience is required. It also takes a decent level of perceived credibility, trust, non-judgement, along with attraction and emotional investment from the woman's side before she will submit to your direction.
Conversely, if you don't appear capable and confident; if you try to shame or blame her; and if you try to "preach" or "teach" her without considering her own needs and questions... she probably won't listen. Moreover, if she isn't attracted or invested in you, the less willing she will be to follow your directions.
A short anecdote: In the long-term relationship prior to my marriage, my ex was quite young (20) when we met. Although her parents were conservative, she had some unreasonable ideas for what was or wasn't appropriate in a serious relationship, which is on par for women of this age.
After we first met, I noticed that she had a public Instagram account. After our first date, there was no way that I could mention this without looking needy or controlling. Only after she started to emotionally invest in me, was it worthwhile for me to discuss this issue. At that point, after I calmly asked her some questions about it and explained why it was a potential threat to the relationship, she willingly agreed to make it private.
However, if I had decided "public Instagram = red flag, end of story" from the early days, I would have missed this opportunity. Up until the point where she was significantly invested in me, the social norms of the women around her both online and offline largely set the standard for what was acceptable.
See here for further discussion and resources:
https://christisking.cc/threads/who-should-you-marry.556/#post-63179
Does this help? All the best.
