There's this girl I've recently met, probably early 20s. We go to the same church. She's showing the signs that she's interested and even initiates conversations (a lot of women don't even do this), asks questions a lot, etc.
Her voice and personality are very feminine, and she's very attractive and nice to talk to. My only issue is the way she dresses. Usually a sweatshirt and jeans, never a dress or more feminine clothing (a lot of women at church wear dresses). She also doesn't put her hair down. Maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe it can be a positive that she's still attractive without trying that hard.
Curious what others think about the way women dress.
Nice! Good news stories and promising relationship reports are great to read here.
A young attractive, feminine woman at church taking *any* initiative to talk or interact with you (outside of an outcome-focused goal to get you to join a bible study group or other activities) is most likely a
strong sign of interest. I would suggest you reciprocate whenever she initiates contact, and give her a clear social reward (smile, validate, ask questions, make statements, be playful etc).
If her plain fashion of wearing jeans and tees is the biggest issue you have identified, you have what can be called a "very high quality problem"
. Plain clothes can even be a
good sign that she isn't seeking validation from others. As
@Wutang said, the big things to watch out for are showing skin, looking sexual, having bright hair, piercings and tattoos.
For your own interest, it could be useful to reflect on this concern, and consider where is it coming from and if it is truly justified. [No need to answer the following per se, as these are
rhetorical questions to help guide self-reflection.]
- To what extent do you tend to project distant future scenarios onto a relationship that is very new?
- Do you have or could have the equivalent 'husband market value' to be able to screen out a woman simply because she doesn't like wearing dresses?
- Are your deep values aligned with the willingness to stay single forever unless such ideals are met?
Sometimes regularly reading about hundreds of possible red flags can influence our thinking towards focusing on every possible little thing that isn’t great, rather than the bigger topics that matter most, and on all the good things that are going well. As @Lacobus and
@DanielH implied, things like her deference to you, stable personality traits, and her social network are much more important than her not wearing dresses.
I strongly believe that this related point is
essential for men to consider. And it's a key reflection of femininity:
Only select a woman as your wife if she respects you, looks *up* to you, and follows your lead.
This requires at least 3 major working components
:
(1) You develop yourself into a man who is
worthy of being followed,
(2) You find a woman who is
able and willing to be a supportive follower, and,
(3) You maintain her position as a satisfied follower through
ongoing leadership.
In addition:
(4) You do what you can to reduce/enhance broader conditions that respectively thwart/support this dynamic*
*Environmental and social factors (such as the broader culture, local community, her friends and family, social media, etc) also impact this follower-leader dynamic. That said, points #1-3 are the key factors primarily within your direct control. And things
within your control are what's best to focus on.
See below for a solid overview on the importance of being 'the adored'.
Keep us updated as things progress further. These are very early days, and there will be more crucial information forthcoming about her and your situation together. I wish you all the best!
