^ Some great posts above.
*excluding the response involving the story about punching someone
When working with clients, how do you respond when a user becomes angry, makes insinuations, foul language, etc? This happen to me the other day.
"Here we are 1 week before testing, and this is still a problem. What the hell have you been doing all this time?"
"Have you even read the Gid d**n follow-ups!!"
I was very close to speaking very sternly and saying something like: "ok stop right there and let's keep this professional. We don't need to get rude and disrespectful."
I held my tounge. Now I feel weak and feminine. But I guess it was wise to keep it cool. I donno. A part of me has the capacity to say screw this, I don't need that shyte.
Then again.... another part says man up and fix the problem.
On Reacting to Overt Disrespect and Aggression at Work
Unless the situation involves
a clear and immediate physical threat to yourself or someone else... there is almost no professional situation which will be improved by matching or escalating beyond another person's aggressive or emotional behavior.
Lying dormant within all of us is an instinctual compulsion to react to raised voices, insulting language and disrespectful behavior with matched or raised force. Personal disrespect and social aggression triggers a fundamental instinct to protect ourselves, our self-esteem and pride, and our reputation and social status. Understanding and accepting our automated threat responses and the unconscious default mode of self-defense is central to managing future conflict, keeping cool, and getting the outcomes that serve you best in the longer term.
On that topic, here's a video timestamped to the relevant section (5:10 - 9:50):
Reacting with emotionality only serves to worsen the situation for everyone involved.
- First, it makes the other person even more upset and more defensive, and may impact your relationship moving forward.
- Second, colleagues and other witnesses will lose respect for you.
- Third, acting out of anger is unpleasant and raises your immediate cortisol, heart rate, blood pressure and perception of stress.
- Fourth, social-emotional contagion is inevitable, as other people you come across will be influenced by your state. Be mindful of not taking your anger home to your girlfriend/wife.
- Fifth, in the longer run, chronic stress and anger leads to poorer health.
The continuous state of heightened physiological arousal associated with chronic anger is closely linked to an increased risk of heart disease. Chronic anger can lead to the development of atherosclerosis, a condition where the arteries become clogged with fatty deposits which restricts blood flow to the heart. This condition increases the risk of coronary artery disease, heart attacks and strokes. Additionally, the inflammation caused by chronic stress and anger can damage the arterial walls, further contributing to heart disease.
Source
Thus, it's important to do what you can, both in advance and in the moment, to stay calm and in control. A related video (2 minutes):
Similar advice is also made explicit in the Bible, notably
James 1:19
Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath
On the Specific Follow up
All environments have unique contexts so the specific actions that would be aligned with your professional goals should be adapted to your individual situation. This is where in-house consultation with a competent and trusted colleague or ideally a senior figure would be wise, especially if there is an ongoing relationship or partnership to maintain.
With that in mind I can't offer any specific advice based on the present level of information shared, so I'll share a resource for consideration (a timestamped video). This guy uses a lot of concepts that are best applied to legal or similar professional contexts so YMMV, however he is an excellent communicator and it could be worth checking his related content for topics that most interest you:
